I am posting in the surviving an affair but don't know really what is going on at this point. I have a very long story that starts a couple years after I got married. I will try to keep it as brief as I can while giving some details.

It started out with my husband making calls to the 900 lines (back before the days of the internet). He racked up thousands and thousands of dollars on those lines. Once the internet became available, he moved up to chat rooms and making secret email accounts. I finally, after many years, put a keylogger on the computer and found his email log in information that way and flew off the handle and let him know right away what I knew. He swears it was all talk and I have no hard evidence that says otherwise. He knows what to look for on the computer now so spy ware and key loggers are off limits.

What brings me here today is that I found a strange message on his old cell phone. He recently switched phones and for some reason when I found his old phone a few days ago I charged it up and turned it on. I checked it this morning and there was a new message texted to the old phone that said "30 min/$80". When I did a reverese lookup it brought me to a page with that number and an escort ad. I want to confront him right now about it but think it is too early to show my hand. I think I should install a spyware system on his phone to see if anything else comes up.

Any advice? Should I ask him about the message today or wait?

Info: My husband is 38, I'm 37. We have two boys, 18 and 9. Been married for 19 years, 20 in February.

I would wait and not show your hand just yet. But I think you know what is going on.

BTW, Welcome. Sorry this is happening to you but you found a good place for help

He was doing so good, or so I thought. It has been almost a year since I caught him with a secret email so I thought we were good. I should have known better.

I am hoping for some good advice and help from you all here. I always confront him with the first thing I find and it blows up in my face and I look like the paranoid wife spying. I have to try my hardest this time to not confront or show that I know anything until I have evidence.

thank you all in advance for any help/advise you can offer.

Another thought is this could just be an old escort site trying to contact him. Once you sign up for that crap they never leave you alone.

Suggest you keep snooping and find out for sure.

Justlooking24,

thanks for the information. I did not know that about escort sites. I hope it is just them contacting him and not the other way around but I guess I won't know for sure until I put the spyware on his phone.

the thing that makes me feel like it's him contacting them is because he took a week's worth of vacation from work. Meanwhile, I still work the whole week, my youngest will be in school and our oldest is an adult so he is rarely home.

The real question is, Do you have extraordinary precautions in place in your marriage to ensure that he can never engage in these activities?
Or are you operating on unverifiable trust?

Honestly, no I do not have extraordinary precautions in place. He does something, I find out about it, he says it was nothing but talk and brushes me off and says he doesn't want to talk about it because it embarrassess him he promises it won't happen again until the next time I catch him with a secret email account or something of that nature.

Nothing will change unless he agrees to extraordinary precautions.
He may be unwilling to do so. If that is the case the question is: What quality marriage is this?

If he does agree to them then you could have a great marriage IF you follow ALL of Dr Harleys program