Hi millschris, if I were in your position, I would focus entirely on cleaning up your own life and building some character. You are a little too old to be living with your dad in the first place. You are a grown man and a father and should be self supporting. You get accused of things like this because you are not self supporting and because of your druggie past. So naturally they all think the worst of you.

The way I would handle this is to man up and start making something of your life. Get a job, go to NA meetings and start being a productive member of society.

Thank God I'm not the only one. It such a weird and ridiculous thing to do that when I tell somebody about it I look like the b-s'er!

19 +! Now that would be something...its to early to tell if I can make it that long. I can't wait till I have some real time under my belt.

I moved out of my house at 18 with a pregnant girlfriend. I've always had a place and a job. They were always dead end jobs or construction work so there was always gaps where I'd be off for a few weeks but there was always a job for me to be getting back to. Except for this last time. For some reason I just gave up. Now my dad on the other hand I've helped more then a few times, let stay with us a couple times and gave him the van he now drives me around in if I give him gas money. I have a house that I furnished with stuff we've bought over the years. But now I sleep in my little brothers room, on his spare bed, with half a closet full of clothes, in my dads small 2 bedroom apartment that his girlfriend pays for. I look like a druggie and a failure by everybody that knows me. And they're right. I wasn't always like this (maybe not to far from it) but right now I am. And this is a far place to try to come back from.

I used to go to meetings because i had to go. Now i go because i want to go

Don't even consider X amount of years. It only happens One Day At A Time

Consistency in your sober behavior is the only thing that will get others to notice you've changed.

Straighten up your side of the street. It's the only one you have any control over -

LTL

You don't have to live like that. People will judge you by how you are NOW, not by how you used to be. And they should! It might look like a far place to try to come back from, but you will never get there if you never take the first step.

I would get a job ASAP and get out of your dad's home. Get a car. Start going to NA meetings and get your crap together.

You don't have a car, a home or a job. And you are a grown man. You have not done well for millchris and that needs to change.

And don't tell me it can't be done. I have been sober for 28 years in AA, was raised by alcoholic atheists in a broken home, moved out on my own when I was 17, blah, blah, blah. Hardly anyone comes from a perfect background but that is no excuse to have a bad adulthood. The buck stops with the man in the mirror. You just have to stop being lazy and get out there and get to work.

I would also find a good sponsor in NA. Find someone who has been straight for a LONG time, has a good marriage, a good job and has overcome his living problems. Ask him to mentor you. Your biggest problem is not the drugs, but that you have a living problem. You don't know how to live a responsible, grown up life.

I agree with the other posters.
You need to get your life in order and be stable for your kids.
Your wife will spiral downwards and your kids need you to be stable so they have a place to live when she does

Yeah, the two post before yours were huge. But how do I handle my marriage situation? Do I just ignore it, avoid my wife for now. Give up on the four rules and just focus on my improvement? The answer might be obvious but I still don't see it. Can someone please spell it out for me.

I would focus on yourself WHILE being there for your kids. As your wife sees the changes in you, she might take your lead. But as long as she runs around like a playah, marital recovery will be impossible. At least you can be there for your kids and might be able to get custody of them if you can get your life pulled together.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game I guess...I need to make our family as important to me as it was before and how it still is to the kids.

I'm gonna be honest I'm only half getting what I'm doing right now. So I'm taking these suggestions as directions until I can get a better grasp on this whole thing.

Here's your to do list:

If he still thinks you're using prove to your dad you're not doing drugs by taking a test right before his eyes.

Start with the NA meetings NOW not later.

Get a job. Any job. Doesn't matter if it's what you're trained to do.

Get a place to live with space for your kids when wife loses it.

Save up and get a car you can move your kids around in safely.

You need to worry more about yourself than your wife. Right now you're in a bad place and living situation if the courts get involved. We're here for you to support you.

And don't let that "to do" list intimidate you, Chris. Just do as much towards those goals as you can every day. You will be amazed at how far you can come by the end of a year.

Next week, for example, you can join an NA group and find a sponsor. You can also polish up your resume and get out there and get a good job. People are hiring now.

Every day, work your butt off towards your goals so you have a sense of achievement at the end of the day. That will motivate you to try even harder the next day. Don't allow yourself to ever slack for one day. You have a lot of catching up to do!!

Deep breath in............................................Deep breath out! Ok, lets go.

Well I've been staying at the house for a few nights now. I sleep in one of the kids rooms.

We just avoid each other for the most part. I pretty much spend my mornings job searching, afternoons at my dads and come home in the evening. Hang out with the kids or in the room.

I'm not officially back but I would like to be.

Am I trying to come back to soon?
How should I carry myself around the house?
How should I be around her? and how should I be talking to her?

Any other advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Did you join NA and get a sponsor?

I'm not in NA. I'm in another program and yeah I got a sponsor. Still sober and drug free with weekly test to prove it.

Great Job! This is a very important first step. Stick to it.


How's the job search coming? Remember you can always get a part-time job while you look for good full-time work. Having any job will boost self-worth and confidence. It also shows initiative and responsibility.

I was hoping the next time I posted it would be about finding a job but still no luck and I have an emergency!

I've been back at him for a few weeks now and everything hasn't been great but we haven't been fighting.

The night before last she came home early and drank with the neighbor across the street. I wasn't happy with it. I left her the baby (hoping she would be responsible and drink so much) cooked dinner and did everything for the kids so that they're ready for the next day.

Last night she drank with the neighbor again. This time with the neighbors boyfriend and a couple of her friends and mother. I left her the baby again and made her cook dinner since I cooked the night before. She tried to pay the kids to cook an watch the baby but I have been telling them their job was to be kids an our job was to cook and care for them so they told her no.

Around 9pm I had my daughter ask wife when she was coming home and she said "Tell him what I do with my time is none of his business."

I grabbed my jacket and walked over there and told her I was leaving for awhile and she had a house full of kids she needed to watch. She said good and bye and not to cone back and she was happy I was leaving.

She said this in front of everybody and I started walking she came running up saying to stay and have a beer with them and not to leave. I said no and that she needed to stop being messed up to me. She said they told her the same thing and wanted me to come over to have a beer with them.

I told her to tell them next time (I don't drink anymore but I might hang out with them next time) she not to leave and if I wanted to have sex later because shes wants to. I told her ok but I'm still leaving for awhile.

When I came back she was still across the street and the kids were inside and asleep except for my youngest boys. She had my 11 year old watching my 2 year old.

I took her the baby and told my son to go to sleep. She came home an hour later and went straight to the room. I went in and told my oldest to go to his room and she was on the phone. When I started talking she said Shhhh! Then jumped up and walked out the room and into the back yard.

I followed her and asked who's on the phone! She the guy "I'll call you back" it was another guy!

We started to argue. She went back to the neighbors an I followed. When she found out what was going on she wanted nothing to do with it and sent my wife back home.

I told her we loved her and why was she wasting her time on another guy. And save admitted she was talking to someone else and he said that if she wanted him too that he will make sure I leave the house. Then this mourning she said we need to talk later tonight because I need to leave the house (again).

WHAT SHOULD I DO AND SAY TO HER? DO I TEXT HER TODAY WELL SHES AT WORK?

HOW SHOULD I HANDLE THIS?! Please I need some advice before tonight!

Is it hopeless? Should I give up? I don't want to give up.

She's continuing to drink and now there's another OM?

Who is this OM?

Does she have a drinking problem? Are you back home for good?

I'm not back for good yet. I don't know who OM is yet. I think she does but she doesn't. She a functioning alcoholic.