Still no word on the transfer and Kiss is getting nervous. Prayers appreciated!

What's the date you gave him?

What's your plan if he doesn't get the transfer? Do you have a job to go to?

I don't know when they will make a decision. Our brief discussion involved him leaving company. No to me having a job yet.

Well, he didn't get the job

So what now?

Yes, that's what I'm asking. What now?

He isn't exactly trying hard to accomplish anything, from what you seem to have said. What is he actually DOING?

Kiss told the guy that he would be willing to step down in his position if there were any available openings. He said he would get back to him. But again, this would be less money with me being unemployed, but the best chance to stay with the company and get back to his position at a later time.

In the meantime....this sucks. Our UA time sucks, our needs aren't being met and I just don't see anything changing any time soon.

What plans do you have to change things?

And I don't see his taking a lesser job as being a fix if he's just going to go back to his old position later.

I guess I am not understanding....so are you going to follow Dr Harley's advice?

Him taking a lower position would be a pay cut and make it difficult to support a family of 5, but not impossible and then if there is another opening in a higher salaried position, then he can put in for it. A higher salaried position would allow me to not work or work part time around his hours so that we can spend more time together.

I am looking for something in the state or county but hiring freezes are still abundant. I can't just take my kids and move 1000 miles away with no job and very little money. So we are just stuck for now.

I haven't seen kiss in almost 2 days. We haven't even spoken on the phone yet today (though I have called him) and its been over a week since we have been intimate. So, forgive me. I'm feeling pretty lonely and hopeless right now.

I think I need some time away from here to clear my head and refocus.

2 days of no kiss is definitely not the way to fix this. Has he been calling? Etc? Is he still trying?

Kiss is quite frustrated with me. Last night he said that he doesn't understand why I never want to have SF. This has been an ongoing problem. I have tried to explain to him that I just don't have that hormonal desire for it but I am usually willing to meet that need for him.I also said that I don't feel emotionally connected with him sometimes.

So, plain and true, he finds me lacking in quantity and quality and I don't know how to fix this. And it hurts because I feel he is comparing my drive with his fOW.

I know that Kiss has every right to complain. I almost feel that we should split up so we can both find someone else who will meet our needs.

Any advice or suggestions? Should I see a Dr and have my hormone levels checked? Pick up some maca root maybe or a libido booster?

It will be hard to find a man that doesn't have a need for SF. They're out there, but may be hard to find. Waaaay easier to fix this with Kiss.

Honest question: IF you had the desire, would Kiss have the ability to get the "F" out of SF for you? I apologize if this has been asked before on your thread. My W faked O for 15 years and would generally just meet my needs 1-2 times per week. Once she told me, and I figured out what I had to do...She wants SF more than me! True story.

SF does almost nothing for me unless I am feeling connected with H. You've mentioned previously that you hadn't seen Kiss in a couple of days. Personally (only 5 mos out from D-Day), not spending time with my H for even one day sends me over the edge of doubt for at least the whole next day. I bet that doubt zaps the LB balance too.

Are you and Kiss planning UA time? Without that, (gently) I don't see how you can honestly judge anything else. No UA=no deposits=ending up below the love threshhold=not wanting SF....

I can see why many have said that UA time is one of *the* most important parts of the MB program. Dr. H says that if we fix the M, then most SF problems fix themselves.

So you haven't seen him for 2 days, you aren't getting your UA time and he wonders why you don't want sex??? If he wants sex, then he needs to have 20 to 25 hours a week of the UA time.. Period.

You know what you need to do. Dr. Harley said on the show that you needed to move without Kiss. If he is serious about having a real relationship with you, then he will follow. Otherwise you need to move on. Enough living in limbo.

Quite true- It would be more like me getting my top needs (IC, and RC at least) met by friends. I have no intention of EVER being in another relationship.

The thing with SF is that it is difficult for the F for me, though it does happen. But it takes me time to become aroused and push the mind movies out and by that time, Kiss has been F.

Agreed. I explained to Kiss that I feel that if we spent more time together it would greatly improve our sex life.

UA time is lacking and something that has been discussed over and over here and I KNOW that we need it. But kiss' job gets in the way which is why we want to move but that hasn't happened so...well, here we are. With a problem that I feel is put on my shoulders that I can't resolve on my own.

I have directed Kiss to the article "Question of the Ages" well, ages ago..but he never read it. I e-mailed some informative posts about SF, but he never read them. I know I shouldn't try to educate him, but I feel that I shouldn't be the only responsible for his frustration.

I am the same Rocketqueen...when I don't trust, well then duh...it's not pleasurable! H has to work at it for now, but the more that he does work at it, the more that it become "predictably pleasurable" for me. And by working at it, I am meaning working at making me feel desired and loved again so that I can push those mind tapes away.

I did read your whole thread a couple of months ago, but I will read it again.

Is Kiss (and are YOU?) putting your R first and foremost in your lives right now?

tiredwife, thank you. I was scouring for jobs in Florida yesterday but I have yet to find any that I am qualified for. I'll keep looking.

I don't think you are LB with this education. It seems like you are just helping him meet your ENs that in turn will help you meet his. With, SF, I actually appreciate a bunch of "education" from my W. It's different then her educating me on how to do the dishes or take care of the kids. I see the results immediately, and I get something out of it too.

In HNHN, Dr. H recommends buying a popular book on SF. Any book, doesn't go into detail. I bought "She Comes First". The techniques in there can be difficult, but the concept is so easy...it's in the title. By putting my W first, it literally tripled SF for me. And, what used to take 45 minutes (or never) when I first read it, takes 15 now. Then...and only then...it's my turn. POSOM was never able to give my W her "F" so I find the mind movies don't bother me as much, knowing I'm doing something he didn't. Without recalling all the details of your sitch, is there any SF style that was saved from OW? You could focus on that till the mind movies fade.

You still need the UA time and be connected emotionally through out the day. But, if he learns how to handle the mechanics of SF so it's mutually enjoyable, I bet it'll be easier to get you in the mood. Does Kiss ever post anymore? Seems like he doesn't have to rearrange mountains to get what he wants. Put in 20 hours a week of pleasant UA time then everything else falls into place, even SF. What has to be done to make this happen? Where are his priorities? I'm getting mad thinking about it.