Ok so I've only been maried for a little over a year and all ready I've run into some trouble. When my husband first proposed to me a few weeks later I found out he had opened a dating profile...when I confronted him he apologized and thought it was a mylife (who thinks that?!)...I still have a hard time believing that story but I've moved on. Well about a month ago my husband had to leave for FL for a new position in him job...now I know I shouldn't of but Isnooped and found out he was messaging his high school girlfriend....now he was absolutely distraught when he found out how much he had hurt me and over and over explained they were talking about their lives now and family and immediatley unfriended her to make me feel comfortable. Ok....so now he goes to FL for his training...and yes I know I'm wrong but I snooped and found out he was talking to a woman from high school whom he never dated and gave her his phone number....and she happened to live in FL a few hours away from where he was staying. Now he keeps telling me it was just to catch up with an old friend and they never even intended to meet up....but then why couldn't they just keep messaging on facebook? He again defriended her....I just don't know why he couldn't tell me about her...and it happened right after the high school girlfriend. Something deep down tells me he would never physically cheat...but now I dont know. For the last month it's been rocky...I try to move past it but end up getting so angry that we fight....now I'm just really sad. He tells me he's happyily married and he realizes his mistakes and how he's had poor judgment. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? How do I forgive and move on...or get closure? I'm hurt and confused and I truly love my husband.

ajason, I used to believe that about myself.

I wasn't some rookie at marriage, and I wasn't some playah... I'd always been a boy-scout, good dad, upstanding family man, married mostly quite happily for 16 years.

But along the way, I had let my boundaries get weak, and therefore I got myself into an affair, and it only took a matter of weeks. It was the damnedest thing I'd once have sworn I'd never do! If you'd known me, you'd have said I was the last guy whom you'd ever have thought would get into an affair.

And based on the info you've posted, your husband has no boundaries at all. People with boundaries don't maintain relationships with ex-GFs, and don't maintain dating-website profiles, and they don't do those things because they have some awareness of the slippery slope these behaviors pose. Your husband has no boundaries and no awareness. That combination presents a grave risk of infidelity.

He won't believe this if you tell him right now, but I'll tell you right now, eventually he will cheat on you physically as opportunities present themselves -- unless he changes his ways. He may think he's in control of events and that he can keep walking up to the lines without crossing them, but on a slippery slope, the lines all blur together one after another. I know, 'cuz I've lived it.

Have him come here and try to explain to me why he thinks it's OK to keep in touch with old grlfriends. He may learn a thing or two.

Its nice to have a mans perspective on this. I'm so confused and hurt. He says he's happy and he had poor judgement and didn't think it was wrong catching up with old friends. My thing is...I wouldn't have cared if he was talking to the high school girl friend which happens to be over 20 years ago or even the woman who was just a friend from high school if he had just said "hey I caught up with some old friends from high school....I'm not one to worry about him talking to other women...its when he doesn't tell me. Were you happy with your wife? Lately I've bee nquestioning myself...why would a happily marriend man just lie and be deceitful?

He lies because it is in his (perceived) best interest. By lying, he can continue to have peace at home with his wife. And he can also reap the benefits (admiration, etc.) of interacting with other women.

The other thing is, if you don't have children together, why would you want to be married to a person who has been deceitful from the very beginning? You do not really believe his cheap lies, do you? Apparently, he has had a secret second life for a long time. There is no such thing as snooping in marriage. In marriage you are supposed to become one. Everything one of you does, concerns the other. There should be no secrets. Therefore you are entitled to know what is going on. 'If he does not tell you what is going on in your lives, then by all means, get that information.

Do not fight with him, that does not solve anything. First get the information by adding a keylogger to his computer, but do not tell him. You want to know what he is really up to and it does not help if he takes it underground. And read up on the principles on this website.