Hi there BrainHurts and BlindSighted,Thanks for your support!

The last few days have been an emotional a roller-coaster ride mostly for me. My H resolve to let go has faltered on Friday where he mentioned my A once and only due to my �crazy� behavior, feeling of sadness, withdrawal, etc.

To answer your questions... My husband's affair has ended immediately after D-Day � it has been almost two months now. I am snooping almost daily - checking his email and phone regularly and his bank account access for any reemergence of the port trend. It was only after my D-Day that he has contacted her in my presence and with my permission. I trust him on this. He committed to letting me know if/when OW contacts him. I have checked in on this with him a couple of times for confirmation and believe him. He also understands that neither of us will have OS friends. He reacted immediately when I mentioned just going to movies with my girlfriend (something he�s not done in the past).

Re: exposure. People on my side know. On his side, there is hardly anyone to know. I don't want to reveal to his mom as she is not a fan of mine nor to his sister. He hardly has any friends. RE: OW, she is single and exposure to her family seems like a revenge act at this point.

My plan is to change the above should there be any further contact going forward by either OW or H (OW may be more inclined than my H judging from her past actions).

Our marriage is in recovery and I don�t want to cause our children anguish and confusion by letting them know. I broached the subject a few times and he disagreed with letting the kids know wholeheartedly. I don�t want to hinder our recovery because of this. Our kids, by the way, because of the time we spend with them (hardly ever in the past) are very happy these days.

Re: SA. I am reading and hoping eventually he'll catch on. He is very very stubborn guy. I tried introducing LB questionnaire to
him. He spoke about it bud didn�t feel like completing a questionnaire. I knew right away that it was premature, given that he also refused to go into Marriage Counseling � he doesn�t want to relive the past. Neither do I. The LB backfired in a Friday night argument. I am aware of some LB�s already � major ones but figured I�ll try on the positive end with ENs. My gut tells me we need another week to build up some more UA time and LB. My quest for my own LBs is on its way whether writer or oral.

Re: my triggers � bed, couch, front door, my whole house in fact (we are not in a position to move) � I am trying to use a visualization technique of building up new/happy memories around these objects and moving the old ones away (in my mind). Bed is surprisingly doing a lot better than the couch.

I am not doing that well taking care of myself these days. Not sleeping well either. I was very much a fitness gal, exercising every day before the affair, now am skipping days. Righte beforet the afair, I felt at my best-self ever (physically, as a parent, professionally) and through that I had his love too (after such a long time and that gave me additional strenght and support) - this was back in March / April period. He claims that his love at that time was honest but we know that he was infatuated by her at the same time. We were all becoming friends at the time and I had strongly suspected that he liked her but never honestly spoke to him about it. I�d go as far to say that I�d given him clues that I know he liked her. That is why this is so hard for me to understand and accept. I thought we were in love! I now realize that LBs were (despite rekindling) all along and after an AO in very early June, and intimacy withdrawn, an A was waiting to happen with my closing the door (only 10 days after AO).

I am focused on doing better for myself, for us, one day at the time, one small positive step at the time�

I don't even know where to begin.....

As you may be aware, Dr Harley has stated that any deviations from his recovery plan are usually disastrous. And in this case, you have chosen to deviate in several areas so yes, I would definitely check out that false recovery link that BH linked for you

If you would like help following MB, let us know.