We always talk about how our spouses are addicted to the OP. My question is this: are WE addicted to our spouse? I think I am.<P>Roll me Away

I don't know if you could call it an addiction.<P>If, to return to a profound sence of love is an addiction...<BR>If, to bring a family back together is an addiction...<BR>If, to ask God to rejoin our marriage is an addiction...<P>then, it's an addiction!<P>But... to me addiction has always has had a <I>negative</I> connotation...<P><B>love</B> , <B>family</B> , and <B>God</B> are not negatives!<P>A struggle yes... but not an addiction...<BR>Addictions are the "easy way out"...<BR>I see nothing easy in what we are all striving and working for here... but the rewards are great!<P>Jim

An addiction is harmful. If being with your spouse is harmful to you, then I guess you are addicted. Like if he abuses you in any way, or if you are so dependent on that person that you can't survive without them. Then I think that would be an addiction. <P>An Addiction is a habit so strong you can't give it up. I don't think my spouse is a habit.If he is then our marriage was in deep trouble long before the affair. I see an addiction as a habit that takes over your life and excludes everyone and everything else. It is harmful the person who is addicted and to those who love that person. It is a destructive habit. <BR>Deep thought for a Saturday morning.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS and NSR,<P>Thanks...OK, I guess by your definitions I am NOT addicted. But, since I still love my H so much and my H isn't in-love with me - then that makes it unrequited love, right?<P>If I have unrequited love for my H, why is it taking so long to get this from my head to my heart????<P>Roll Me Away

Because it's REAL love. That's a lot harder than an addiction.<P>Hang in there, Roll.<P>Lori

The pathway from head to heart <B>or</B> from heart to head is a roadway littered with obstacles. Not an easy journey to travel at all... much like the journies we're all going through. Those obstacles we often call "baggage"... we carry all kinds of trash like pack rats... most of the time not needing most of it... It clouds are thoughts, messes with our emotions... corrupts our common sense... devalues our values... tears from the fabric of decency...<P>But you know what...<BR>It can be left in the trash can...<BR>We need to take the time to carry it out to the trash can... put it out on the street... and know that "He" will take it away...<BR>Sometimes you've got to let go!<P>This is getting too heavy for a Saturday morning.<P>Jim

Lori, thanks fo the kind words - I DO love my H.<P>Jim, Your post brought tears to my eyes. I need to pray more. Yes, this is heavy for a Saturday morning and I am going to a party later - meeting new people and don't want to be a drag!<P>Thanks for inspiration, one and all. I love everyone here so much!!<P>Roll Me Away

Yes and no. I do think in some ways I have been and sometimes still have a "dependency problem". But what is the alternative to restoring and rebuilding? Divorce so that I am no longer dependent? No, that would be easier in some ways than all this work, counseling, and painful honest...but that, too, is a lifelong pain.<P>Please read my post to betrayers, although you are the betrayed...I'd like input from you guys too.<P>Lizzie<BR>who is hurting today<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

RMA,<P>This is a very good question; one I have often wrestled with myself. How can I want to reconcile with someone who has nearly destroyed me? Is there something wrong with me for wanting to get back together? <P>Being the analytical type that I am, I looked love, addiction, & compulsion up in the dictionary:<P>LOVE- an intense, affectionate concern for another person.<BR>ADDICTION- devoting oneself habitually, or compulsively.<BR>COMPULSION- an irrestible impulse to act, regardless of the rationality of the motivation.<P>In my case, I can truly say that I love my H by this definition. I am very concerned about him, to the point that I put aside my intense pain, & made sure that he saw a doctor for his depression. <P>In the broadest sense, I suppose you could say I am also addicted to him, in that I have devoted myself to him over the last 21 years, & I have habitually put his needs before mine. But women, in our culture are trained to do that.<P>I think the difference here, lies in reason, past experiences, & hope. I have done a lot of soul searching, & reflection. Therefore, I have put a lot of thought into this decision. <P>PAST EXPERIENCES- For twenty years, H treated me exceptionally well. He was my best friend, & I could count on him.<P>REASON- I am not willing to resume our relationship where we left off. I've made it clear to him that behavioral changes will have to be made (on my part too). I cannot tolerate another repeat performance.<P>HOPE- We once were very happy together, therefore, it's logical to conclude that we could be happy again. He is getting treatment, so I have reason to believe that once his mental state improves, this crisis will too.<P>Now, if I can only keep hanging on to that last one. It's so elusive sometimes. <P><BR>

i often have had the same thought- why do i want someone back who has such callous disregard for our son and myself?<P>i can live and survive without her- i have before.<BR>i would like a family to heal and to stop her destructive behavior. but i cant - i see where she is going and i dont want her to go there. thats my problem.<P>so no, its not addiction. its a dessire to right the wrongs. i dont know how long you have been in this boat- but it does get easier.

Covenant, Lizzie and sidney,<P>Thanks for your perspectives. Sometimes I just think about all this WAAAAAYYYY too much!<P>Roll Me Away