First, please excecuse my English as it is not my first language.

I am a 34yrs old wife with two two kids, girl is 10 and boy is 4. I've been married since 10 year after a short love story of six months. During the 10yrs of marriage, I was beaten by husband 5 times. in 2006, 2007, 2008 and recently 4 months back. He was very violent, I used to had bruises. The first 3 times I never told anyone and each time he regret and promise not to do it again. in 2008 I has reported to police after getting a report from the hospital and he signed a paper promising he wont do it again. I was seperated for six months but went back after begging and regretting and promising that he will compensate me and my daughter. I took him back for the sake of my daughter.

During my mirrage I suffered from depression and I am seeing a specialist for that and I am on medications. The depression started after he cheated with 4 women and one f them got pregnant.I discovered in 2007. I was seperated and came back in 2008 and again end of 2008 I moved out as I mentioned for 6 months.

From 2008 until now I started to get seperated emotionally from my husband , we had bery less intimacy, very less sex but life was moving and I gave birth to the second child.

I forgot to mention that I was responsible for most of the financial issues in the house like rent, schools, bills etc. He feels that I am superior to him and the problem started again a year back. I was completely seperated emotionally and physicaly from him, he is selfish, using me financilly and seeing me a cheque book only. He also told me that he stoped loving me since 2008 and only keeping for the kids.

during the 10 years of mirrage I acceted his verbal abuses and forgave him and taking him back but the hurt I have inside had taken all the love and passion inside me. Recently he abused me verally and I was quite for 3 months and I was ignoring him all the time until last 4 months. He beaten me badly on my face and body. Went to hospital and got a report. Bruises on my eyes, face, nose, forhead, hands, thighs, betweem tighs and buttoks. He throughn me out of the house with my kids and luckliy my family are living in the same town and I moved to live with them. He never tried to contact me expect one time to inform me that I had to transfer money to his account for my daughter's school.

I filed a divorce and went to the court. Now he is beging me again to take him back and not to proceed with the divorce and he is sorry and I should come back for the sake of kids. He never mentioned not even one time that he wants me back coz he loves me or cant live with out me.

Some people are advising me to come back for the kids. But I no more love him, I will never be able to have a normal life with him. This is an endless circle. I don�t know what to do, I am confused.

Dr Harley would advise you to contact an Abused Woman Organization.
They can help you with divorce and staying away from him
He would also advise you to remain separated from your husband until he was safe to be around (after anger management training, counseling, etc) or divorce.

In your case, divorce is probably the best option.

Natalie, for the sake of your children, you should get divorced and have nothing to do with your husband. Your husband has abused you for years and will kill you if you give him the chance. Don't give him that chance. You are lucky to be alive. You can't be there for your kids if you are dead or in the hospital with a nervous breakdown.

Shut your husband completely out of your life and don't ever consider reconciliation unless he completes extensive anger management training and makes a long term RADICAL CHANGE in his approach to being a husband. He is DANGEROUS to you and you should stay far away.

I would suggest you not allow him to contact you directly and certainly not come into your home. Set up only supervised visitations between him and his children OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOME. Don't ever be alone with him again.

It has been said to me that "leaving an abusive marriage is like running out of a forest fire with your children on your back". You left your husband multiple times only to step back into the fire over and over.

If your daughter came to you and said that she was being beaten, what would do or say? Would you tell her to stay? Would you tell her it is okay to be beaten? By staying in an abusive relationship that is what you are teaching her.

No one deserves to be hurt or beaten, especially yourself.

You never take the abuse for the "sake of the children".

You have already heard those empty promises that "things will be different", the "I am sorry", the tears begging and pleading. Did he make the changes and keep them? Nope, the cycle of abuse continues.

Unless he makes permanent and radical changes do not let him back into your life. You need time to heal.

As Melody has already stated, get a divorce and protect yourself and your children.

You deserve so much better.

You can do this Natalie. You are stronger than you think you are.