One thing I would do FOR SURE is post a photo of you, your husband, your child as your profile pics, open your page and then try to "friend" the OW. Let her see all your happy family photos. If she would friend you, then you can copy and paste her entire friend list into a word doc and THEN expose.

I would not do that. If that is the case, it is up to her to prove it. But most women have the good sense to check this out on their own. She failed to do this. That is her fault. The truth is that she has been having an affair with a married man.

Don't worry about her. Focus on your marriage.
Your exposure letter is just stating the facts

She's a big girl and should be in control of her dating life. Why do you feel the need to protect her?

Because I don't want to be unfair. If she doesn't know, she shouldn't have to be ashamed in the same way. Just the accountability.

You're missing the point. EITHER:

A. She's a grown woman and should know to check on her lover's marital status, FIRST.

B. She's not. Your WH has bigger problems.

If it's "B", you're right, let her slide (call the cops on WH)...If it's "A" (likely) take the aforementioned advice. Expose.

How do you know she didn't know he was married when the A began?

Even if she didn't know he was married, the A has been active for 2mths, there is no guarantee she will end the A b/c she learns he is married. Her prior knowledge is not really the issue, she is in an A with your H, she is an enemy of your M, A are an attack on your M. You need to expose strategically, use the amended letter Mel posted.

You are fighting to save your M, you can't be worried about being fair to the OW. Your M and family are your priority.

How long is he going to stay mad? I did it.

Well done.

There is no set time frame it depends on the wayward. One thing to keep in mind the angrier they are the moreeffective the exposure.

You will probably hear in various forms - I was going to work on the M, now I'm not; your crazy and/or immature; you've ruined my reputation; I haven't loved you for x yrs and other foggy statements.

Don't engage in these conversations or try to reason with WH. Do not apologise for exposing the turth and fighting for your M. Simply state you are sorry his A ruined his reputation but you will not help him hide the A.

Good job!! Did you also expose to his parents, siblings, close friends? Is this a workplace affair, and if so, did you expose to his workplace?

Remember what I said about trickle exposure? Trickle exposure will get you shot. A complete exposure is to bring an uzi to field of battle.

Just wanted to send my support
You should be proud of yourself now you have a chance and a plan at least, don't do anything without coming back for guidance this is a difficult road but a rewarding one, once that fantasy bubble has broken for your husband he should wake up and his logic should kick in some more.
Remember do not apologize for exposure, you are doing what you have to to save your marriage and family.....
Don't listen to what he says he is in affair fantasy thinking right now.....he isn't the man you married right now.....
How old are your daughters Have you exposed to them in a age appropriate way?
stay strong I found out when I went through this the inner strength I did have and how smart I could be about it all........out wit, out smart, out last the affair.....

BBS, what exactly did you do? And did you pay to send the messages to the inboxes? How many people? Do you think any of them are family? Who?

No grown woman dates a man without knowing where he lives and with whom! That would be silly.

She knows full well he's married. Your husband is lying about that to protect her.

Well done on exposure. They no longer have a future where you can be blamed for the D (controlling indeed! He's having an A under your nose!!) And she can be ushered in as the innocent new girlfriend who met him afterwards.

What do you mean by 'the last time?' Was there a previous affair? A previous exposure?

Did he get you to agree to be silent if there was another A? Did you apologize for exposure in his first A?

If so he will be very angry and try to browbeat you again. It is vital you respond calmly. Try to look bored and highly unimpressed. Tell him you are sorry he finds his A so shameful and embarassing and that maybe he should stop cheating if he finds it so awful.

See this time you need to make sure that you don't apologize or back down. That will just set the scene for Affair #3.

If he wants to stay with you he needs to accept exposure remorsefully and make himself more accountable to you.

Sorry, I see: the 'first time' was your trickle exposure.

Trickle exposure is like shooting a tiger with a pea gun. Because it was timid he's attacked you so as to prevent more exposure.

He is ASHAMED of her. And does not want anyone to know about his skanky side life.

He is going to be very, very angry and we need you to not care a bit.

Can you do that?

Can you look bored and walk off when he gets angry?

Can you PROMISE him you will never help him cover up such a skanky secret ever again?

That depends a lot on your reaction. If you engage his anger and crumble at his feet, then he will continue to use his anger to control you because it works. That is how he keeps you in line by turning things around and making YOU the bad guy. He is the one who is controlling...can you see that?

You need to be strong and in control as a woman who will no longer be an accomplice in his dirty secrets.

More attempts to control you... with threats of divorce but he is still around because he wants his family AND his cake.

If OW works with him, then she knows that he is married. Are you saying that the people your WH works with don't know he is married? How can that be?

Yes, I apologized for exposure last time. I can finally see that he is the one being controlling and manipulative. The OW was in shock, and couldn't wait until the next day to contact him. He is furious, and says he's going to file anyway. I will try the "I'm sorry you're ashamed of your affair," bit, then just remind him a few times that our dd is present. If he continues, maybe I will leave the house with dd for a bit. He's been so cold and mean to me, it makes it easier to be detached. How dare he see his own wife, the mother of his child, as an impediment to his true happiness, even at family outings?

That is the standard response. Stay strong.

You have nothing to lose except a hurtful marriage. Furthermore, you are going to have a nervous breakdown if things do not change and nothing will change until you start to stand up for yourself and your marriage. You have already found that out.

They know, she said it never came up. Either way, she didn't seem to appreciate the drama, and emailed him immediately.