You already know he is cheating on you. You have enough evidence for a jury!

You know he is doing it and you have decided to accept and support him in his cheating. Turning a very unconvincing blind eye.

Otherwise you would have packed up his stuff already.

Gotten STD tested recently?

Welcome to MB.

Given your WH's history of infidelity and the fact that he is overprotective of his phone and working longer hours both he is more than likely having an A.

Have you read "Start Here" at the beginning of this forum?
If not read through and the thread and post any questions you may have.

WhyT, as someone dealing with a serial cheat you are going to have to be super tough in order to beat this.

Are you willing to do that?

One of the first steps is exposure. Do as happyfuture suggests and read the material.

Then let us know what your exposure plan will look like (without telling your WH).

There is a slim chance for recovery if you act with a zero tolerance attitude, but I want you to understand there is NO chance if you carry on turning a blind eye and enabling this behaviour as you have been doing.

I do not have any proof that he is cheating again, just a gut feeling. He is a great father to our little girl, and I feel that it would not be fair to her to take her from her Daddy. He says he will never cheat, but I've heard that too many times before and it was a lie. He tells me how much he loves me, and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Is it possible for someone to not be able to help but cheat, or can someone really change? We have been to marriage counseling on several different occasions, with it doing nothing but wasting money.

You DO have proof. He is sending texts to strippers for the love of sanity.

Yes of course counselling was a waste of money. He's a serial cheat who would simply have gone on and on about how the marriage was the problem not his cheating. Did he even get the therapist to encourage more trust?

We see a lot of that with serial cheats.



Strippers, hooters and a porn phone is a great dad? I beg to differ. I have a great dad and he is a caring husband.

Girls marry their fathers. Especially if they are encouraged by their mother's example.

If you hold this guy up as an example of a 'great dad' to your little girl, she will think this is normal.

Do you want her to be dealing with her own serial cheat in a few years?

Wouldn't you rather TACKLE his addiction to cheating so he has a shot at being a great dad?

Have you read up on exposure yet?

The thing is, you HAVE taught him that he can do whatever he wants and you will stay with him. You admit this, correct? You said it would not be fair to "take her" from her daddy (divorce?) and subsequently try and rationalize this by saying maybe he can't help it or whatever.

You're going to have to be honest with yourself - are you willing to leave a man who is a serial cheater and who shows no effort at changing? You can try and save this but you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO unless you are willing to make the ultimate decision and leave IF he refuses to make substantial changes. If he can do whatever the hell he wants (videos!!!) and you will never leave him, then he will not change. End of.

Actually I would put some extra snooping measures in place before you expose.

Not to get PROOF, you already know what is going on.

But to see who he runs to when you expose and which OW is currently on the scene.

You would need to expose past infidelity even if there was no current affair going on.

But there is.

I'd get VARs and a GPS in his car. VARs in the home, spyware on PC and spyware on his phone to see what you are dealing with.

Dr H would tell you to separate based purely on the porn use and hooter visits.

That is massively abusive to you.

The texts were sent a year ago. I have not found anything since Halloween 2012. He claims he goes to those restaurants because he can get his paperwork done easier there than at home with DD running around. And he claims the porn is because I am unable to be intimate right now, but he has been looking at it since before I can remember. I tell him it hurts me, that it makes me feel like he'd rather be with these girls whose pictures he has rathe than me, but it doesn't change anything. I've been trying to turn a blind eye to it since I got sick.

Friend's widow
Babysitter (er, how old was she?)
Strippers ($)

You need to get an STD test ASAP and a polygraph. I would guarantee your husband is likely a customer of prostitutes as well in addition - I would suggest that this problem is far worse than you think, particularly on these business trips. Babysitter and friend's widow suggests a complete lack of moral boundaries.

What happened in his previous marriage/relationship? Was he still with her when you met him?

Correct, you have turned a blind eye. You do not go to Hooters for a quiet work environment, you realize how silly that sounds?

But it still hurts you.

Your being sick is no reason for him to behave like a horny teenager

I fear he has simply got better at hiding his infidelity and you know it.

You will now need to

A) Snoop like a bloodhound
B) Expose everything regarding past affairs as outlined on the exposure thread. Tell people you need their support.
C) AFTER this is done, insist he live a voluntarily transparent lifestyle where he willingly agrees to hide nothing.

The porn will either need to go or he does.

In answer to your question: How do I know if he's cheating again?

The answer is to follow the MB program!

Which you have not done, from your thread this time last year:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=167520&Number=2679049#Post2679049

Are you willing to make radical changes in your own approach in order to try and save this or at least protect yourself from this abuse?

The babysitter was killed in a car wreck while I was pregnant.. She was 20 The widow I went and confronted, and promised to make her life a living hell if she ever contacted My H again. As for the strippers, I've taken away his credit cards, and taken his name off our primary account. There is one with his name on it, but with less than $50 in it. Every Monday I give him $50 cash to eat lunch on. That is all the money he gets. I figured this would be the easiest way to control the money. I also am constantly checking the bank accts to make sure he hasn't touched them. He is very bad with money, and spends it if he has access to it. As for the STD test, due to me being sick I have to get bloodwork done every week, along with multiple other tests. They have never said that I haw anything, but I know I was tested to see if that could be the problem

Everything had seemed to be better for about 6 months after my post last year. I had him reading the MB material, and he was being transparent with everything. Then it slowly started going back to how it was before

How do you put the part of a post you are talking about into the box in your reply? I'm starting to confuse myself.

What more proof do you need?
He says he will never cheat? He's a serial cheater and a liar!
Can someone really change? Yes.
Marriage counseling? To what end? What is the point? He likes to have sex with lots of women and enjoys it.

This is a terrible way to live and a terrible environment for your children

I think you should prepare for separation and Plan B immediately.

WT, I would ask them to test you for STDs. I don't think they do that automatically. I get blood tests all the time and they never test for that.

It sounds like he leads the kind of lifestyle that gives him alot of room to have affairs. That is the kiss of death with a serial cheater. It sounds like your husband is out looking for affairs and nothing will change unless he a) has a complete change of heart and b) makes his life SO transparent that he CAN'T cheat. For example, if you were together 24/7 he couldn't cheat. We have had others who started businesses together. You will probably have to do that if you want to recover.

If he won't make radical changes in his lifestyle, I would strongly urge you to get a divorce. Your husband is very dangerous to your mental health and physical health. A playah who is out looking for it tends to bring home STDs.

WhyThis,

and promised to make her life a living hell if she ever contacted My H again.

Do not threaten, warn or be indecisive expose all of his OW now completely and quickly. When done with his OW you need to expose WH.

You WH is a serial cheater who I'm going to guess is ultra charming when he wishes to be and uses this to avoid detection and make his victims addicted to him. He needs to be taught that his actions have consequences he needs to lose this one, you can't lay down and allow this to happen for the rest of your life.

In my experience a guy like this will continue to lie his entire life to whoever he is intimate with, and will sacrifice anyone to perpetuate his lifestyle.

God Bless
Gamma