Hang in there. You are the better person and the better option for your WW. Like you said her head is in her anal region right now.

I'm a single father and use the ymca.
They have been one of my best helps.
I also ensure that I don't make more than monthly limit for childcare and health ins and foodstamps.
I strongly encourage you to look closely at that.

A single parent is better making $29000 a year than 60, 000 when you acvount ffor welfare aid

Nothing to add MJ, except i admire perseverance and commitment in face of continual adversity.

We have a lot in common with our WW not having custody of our children, although my sitch is not court ordered. My W just left and doesn't seem to give a darn.

Keep on doing even the slightest little things that work for more favorable connections.

LTL

LTL, you might want to document her lack of visitation just in case she comes back later trying to say that you never let her see them and challenging things and whatnot.

It's all documented daily. Today marks 244 days since her last actual visitation with our S-10 and 222 days since the last time she briefly saw him or spoke with him.

LTL

Not too many dads are as on the up on documentation as you are. Props to you, LTL!

Even so, you should make copies every so often and store them in a safe place. Although, it doesn't sound like your W would come back to steal the evidence or anything.

TD and JK you two have persevered through so much. I've read some of each of your threads. So much going on and stuff to learn here that I've not made it through too many of one person's thread.

LTL you've come such a long way in a short time and I have read all of your thread. Your wife is completely unbelievable.

Thanks for the positive comments guys, they really hit home when I need them. I do indeed get more opportunities to plant those little deposits with her now that she's but POSOM on the back burner with me. She left for the 2nd time only a week and a half ago, but has been here almost every day before I leave for work or when I get home. Now that she has the new job I'll likely see her every evening when she is here to spend time with the kids. When she's here she cooks for the family, and does some tidying around the house which keeps my LB balance for her in the black. Hell her being in the house many times is a deposit for me. And I get a few minutes of face to face conversation. I give her appreciation and admiration. I make sure to complement her looks. I try very hard not to be demanding in my speech (big problem of mine no requests only statements of what I need done/to do). But it also causes me pain to see her go every night. I wonder if she's stopping at his place on the way home. The good doesn't ever stop the thoughts and longing in those occasional dark quiet hours before I fall asleep. She wears outfits (like today's new shorts that MIL got for her) that set my blood on fire and make it hard to keep my distance. And some nights I wish I could still hold her, hand on hip, rubbing her head the way she likes, till we fall asleep together softly and quietly like we used to.

The ups and downs *sigh*. Good thing there's Valium. Nighty night all.

My thread on here and is quite short compared to 2 other forums i started posting on.

But, it took W's mothers unexpected 2 1/2 month hospitalization, a seeming recovery and then a very unexpected death one week after the supposed recovery. Add to that her probably innocently at first reaching out to an ex from 17 years prior and getting unknown emotional support during my W's severe dire depression, long with her concurrent alcohol relapse and then the typical WW script rewriting our marital history and even Dorothy's Ruby Red Slippers could not have escaped the tumultuous tornado storm brewing.

The former version of my W truly has my sincerest and deepest love. That is why i cling on looking for not doing any potential harm to the potential of a someday R in our marriage and the restoration of our family.

I am under no false illusions. I am primarily focussing on bettering my life, restoring my roofing contracting business and leading my son in developing as finely and lovingly as i possibly can.

I do believe that "most" waywards will have their own Aha moment and want to be studious enough to learn how to truly be an exemplary husband, one that i partially deluded myself as prior to this tragedy unfolding.

I hope, I Pray and i am continuously trying to learn. At least i will be a better person at the conclusion of this ordeal and my son will benefit along with me.

I Love My Wife and hope that the skills i learn will aide my reactions in allowing her to once again find herself.

LTL

Downsized as much as I can go. Going to give up the land line. Can't afford HI. Make just too much to qualify for low cost state HI.

Yeah I think we all learn to live as close to the line as possible. When she left she took 1/3 of the household income with her. I began filing as single and reduced my deductions which took more, the last thing I need is the tax-man coming to the door. I don't have any monthly splurge bills. I spend it all on the kids, and scrape a drop or two into savings.

Quick update. Sent an email to the show at ML's request and it got read on the air. I'm so stoked, they are sending me a copy of Dr. Harley's book "He Wins She Wins".

Was at the Dr getting my medicine administered and had an allergic reaction. My nasal passages swelled up and I started to feel my throat closing before the meds they gave me to counteract it stopped the progress. Kinda sucks sitting there staring in the face of death. Took about 3 hours but they got it fixed. Good thing I was already at the hospital. Incidentally I messaged WW saying I wished she was there. She was just getting off and came over. It really made me more comfortable having her there. She said I shouldn't read too much into it.

What did Dr. Harley say?

The email was about some of the postings we had seen recently on the forums about advice given to WSs. He talked about how most counselors just validate what you already feel and don't give you hard challenges. How nobody wants to hear they are doing wrong and just want the easy way of following their chosen path. Sadly I missed the part where he addressed the advice given to my WW.

I listened to this program.
Post the advice given to your ww so it will refresh my memory

My comment was that My WW didn't really push the divorce conversations and try to separate until her counselor filled her head with crap and validated her affair as some kind of empowering thing for women.

I just had a conversation with WW, sort of. She sat at the table with a pen and paper and beckoned me over. I sat down and she wanted to know if I would be completing the divorce Pro Se or if I would be having my lawyer do it. I didn't really want to answer the question. I asked if she had considered any other options. She said she has been in limbo for 9 months waiting for it to be over and it shouldn't take this long. She said if something doesn't happen soon that she's going to end up in the loony bin and I'd be (something I don't remember), and there hasn't been any progress all this time. I countered with the fact that she's finally talking and spending time with me and that's a step toward reconciliation. She flipped from calm to hurt/angry said "I'm leaving." Kissed the kids and walked out.

We've been so nice and amicable and spending some time together, then this. I don't know what to do. This is one of those rough times I think.

You could of said I talk marriage of you want to talk divorce please speak with my lawyer. His/her name is blah blah and his/her number. Then quickly switch the conversation with something like, "what would you like for dinner?" Or would you like "insert WW's fave food or beverage.

Edit: my WW tried to pull that trash on me. Being nice to get divorce information, that line shut it down without sounding needy or disrespectful.

http://opensourcehelminththerapy.org/mediawiki2/index.php?title=Providers

I noticed that you are battling with severe Crohn's disease. A while ago this was suspected in my daughter, so I did some research. As a medical doctor and immunologist I consider it promising. Definitely worth a try if they are considering surgery again.

I have actually heard of some of these treatments before. They have used organisms to treat all kinds of things in the past, and I have no problem with that. Ants for stitches, maggots for removing dead skin, tape worms for weight control, and many others. Some people think it's sick, but this is how we make discoveries and advance medicine. We never know until we try.

I remember hearing that maggots were a better way for removing dead skin as a surgeon might cut away some healthy skin, while maggots eat only the dead skin.