Have you gone back to AlAnon? Can you get you and the kids away from her until she gets in a recovery program?

I never been to alanon. I'm in a out patient program that is working for me.

There is no way I can think of to get the kids away from her. She came home with a bottle of wine last nite. That's 5 out of 7 days last week that she got drunk. I found out who the new OM is. Its her sisters husbands brother fresh out of prison. They started talking because he was going to do some tattoos on her and they been talking more and more since then. Still no tattoos but I'm sure the first one is going to be the one that covers my name on her back.

We just had a conversation where she said that her sister said for her to move out there by her house in another county (same city as the OM who is always at their house). Our one year lease is up in November and she ssaid she was going to go to court let them know she needed to leave the county and move out to her sisters then her mom (the other alcoholic) was going to get a place with her and watch the kids for her.

I told her I love her and she said she doesn't love me anymore and she feels trapped and doesn't want to feel that way anymore. I'm not keeping her from anything or anyone. She also said that I'm comfortable with being Mr. Mom and not working which is not true. I'm trying to find work.

What should I be saying or doing? I'm off drugs, in telling and showing her I love her and I have another interview tomorrow for another possible job.

Just got a job! Start work tomorrow

That is GREAT news, millchris! Way to go!

Great Job. Congrats on the new job.

Don't leave the house. What your WW is saying is what all WS say when they are trying to be with their AP. "You're suffocating/controlling. I don't love you. It's not gonna work out. I need my space. I hate you." blah blah blah


Water off a duck's back man. Keep taking care of yourself and those kids. You're the sane one. And from the looks of it you're going to come out on top of this.

Ok. Here's the latest. This Saturday she took the kids with her to her sisters. I knew she was going to go see the OM. I told her not to go bit she left anyway. Before she left she tried starting fights with me. I told the kids about him and she started telling the kids kids about me and attacking me. She slapped, punched and clawed me. I didn't go off. I kept control. Told her I loved her and not to go. She left anyway.

The much before I text her mom and sister about what was going on.

Later that day my son called me from wife's phone and after he hung up he checked her messages and saw what her and him were texting eachother.

At 11:30 that night my son messages me on Facebook saying when my wife got there she took off by herself and wouldn't let him go (later the guys kid brother told my son that he was with him when he met my wife a a gas station and they were kissing). Then when she came back she got ready and the OM came over.

He went in the backyard and she went out there right after and told my youngest daughter to go inside. My son looked and saw her sitting next to him with her head on his shoulder. Later they went into the garage so he could "give her a tattoo" but my son said after awhile he went back there and saw them kissing.

They came out and before he left she kissed him again in front of everybody. My son went off on her she started telling him [censored]. He kept repeating "Are you going out with him!" She finally said yes I am an my youngest daughter took off running inside crying. Then my wife denied that they were going out and my son told her what he saw in the texts and they both looked at each other and started laughing. He looked at the guy and said not to laugh at him. He told me "I wasn't afraid dad"

He said the guy told my wife "You might as well tell him" but my wife kept saying no we're not going out. Then both her and her sister were in my sons face telling him to mind his business and telling him [censored] about me. The sisters husband/OMs brother told her she shouldn't talk about his dad like that. She said "He need's to know who his dad is". Finally my wife came in and passed out drunk.

Then Sunday mourning I confronted her and she told me to [censored] off and ignored all my texts and calls.

Monday she said she had filed for a restraining order and was getting me out of the house. I said fine. Don't text me or contact me. Then I packed my stuff and had my dad pick me up. The reality is she is still at her sisters and hasn't came back yet.

Should I have left? How did I handle it? What did I do wrong? What should I do now? Please...advice!

She doesn't know I left yet. And I'm getting tired of not putting my foot down.

How do I respond to this?

You got drawn way into the drama.

First, buy a VAR and gave it on you at all times to record her instigating anything with you.

2nd, you should have called the police when she scratched and clawed you.

She probably will say that you attacked her.

Your kids are being used as pawns to relay information, and that's not healthy for them at all.

You will wind up getting arrested if you do not have proof that she is the aggressor and drunken abuser.

Did you lay a finger on her, even to thwart off her attacks?

You do NOT have to engage in any out of control behavior. Time to take a walk.

I would make a police report if you have any physical scratches or bruises to get your version of the incident on record first, if she hasn't made a report yet herself.

LTL

That's exactly what was going on. She has been doing this to me for a long time. Now that I'm sober I know its not the drugs messing with my head.

I was pushing her off me and pushing her back but just hard enough to get her away.

I'm gonna get a VAR for sure. I was already thinking of making a report everytime she put marks on me. Can I just file reports without pressing charges?

And why is she acting this way? Is it anger? Or is it all just a show? Is it possible for relationship to get past this?

Also I want to thank everybody on hear for all the responses. I've come so far in such a short amount of time. At least it feels that way to me. You guys have done so much for us. Thank you.

She's doing it on purpose. She wants me to go off or break down huh?

Waywards are cruel and will play dirty. Protect yourself. Are you back home yet?

You are perceived as an obstacle to her foggy affair fantasy.

Also, the drinking eliminates most rational thinking, so who knows if she had an agenda or not.

YOU must remain calm and disengage from potential violent outbursts.

Have you made any report of the physical attack yet?

Also, did you get medical documentation for any bruises or scratches encountered?

Do Not have any discussions more than anything casual in passing anytime she is intoxicated.

I found out that in my situation, i could not recover anything about our marriage while my W was actively drinking and also in an active affair.

I don't recall..... Have you exposed her affair?

LTL

I came right back home the next day right after work. She got in my face, threaten to call the cops, told the kids that was why we can't be together, all we do is fight. Yet she was the only one flipping out. Then she told the kids "Do you want me to leave?!" They said no. Then she said "Then tell your dad to leave!" She's done this a few times before and even though the lids wouldn't say anything in that moment they would later say they would rather have us separated then together and fighting. But after that weekend she put them through I knew they were ready to say something so I said "Do you want me to leave?" And they all at the same time yelled "No!"

Finally she said "I'm leaving" and took off. I told the kids she'll be back not to worry. About a hour later she walked in finished cooking up some rice and said she's gonna get ready and go stay at her friends house. She came home this mourning and got ready for work. I noticed a hicky on her neck like a teenage girl (she's 30). I asked her if it was from last night. She said it was from this weekend. She was trying to get me to see it that's when I realised that she has been trying to hurt me. How can she be so cruel? Why does she enjoy doing it?

I don't want to be an obstacle, I want to be a deterrent. They had already planned on spending the weekend at my SIL. It was actually a surprise to everybody there. They didn't believe me when I messaged them about it on Friday. Both her sister and mother live there and it turns out they don't like the guy.

Instead of reporting the abuse I did what I usually do. I took pictures of everything and emailed them to an email account I set up specifically for them.

He actually came by everyday they were out there and drove my wife and two oldest to the costume store and then they went out to eat. He bought his own food and my wife payed for all of their stuff.

He surprised my wife with flowers and a card in his truck and when my oldest daughter saw them she started crying. The all cried that weekend. They came home and they looked uncomfortable when they saw me.

I hugged them. Told them I knew what happen. It was ok for them to talk about it and they all told me everything and how upset it made them. I told them it was ok and I was going to keep fighting. We all have to keep fighting. I still love their mom. What she is doing is bad but she's not a bad person. We all make mistakes but I'm still gonna be here.

It was hard to here everything but it made them all feel better.

You're doing the right thing for your kids. Don't leave your home for any reason. The next time she attacks and leaves marks you call the cops and file a report. You can choose to just file a complaint or to press charges. If you do you should also file a RO, she will have to leave and you will be with the kids. Line up some reliable child care for when you're at work. Might want to look into getting an attorney on retainer. I know this sucks especially when you're just getting back on your feet. There are sources for pro bono attorneys. Check out some of the battered wife resources in the area, and women's shelters for referrals. They say they are for women, but they should help you too. Your job is to take care of yourself, your kids, and stick to and develop your plan. You need to let the consequences fall squarely on WW's shoulders.

In my State, i am in the process of receiving support from the Department Of Human Setvices, aka DHS.

They are even processing my request for Child Support.

Contact the agencies, even the Women's Shelter. They may lead you into the right direction.

LTL

Ok. The guy my wife is with is in rehab but I think they still talk everyday.

How should I start gaining my wife's respect back?

How do I crush this other guy and become more verbally assertive with her?

I think you should file for divorce.
She walks around with a hickey on her neck and tells you her boyfriend gave it to her ovee a weekend lovemaking session?

How can you gain her respect when she has no self respect?

See an attorney and file for divorce, a restraining order and full custody of your kids ASAP