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Joined: Oct 2013
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Joined: Oct 2013
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So I find out my spouse of 31 years has contacted her ex-boyfriend/fianc� thru Facebook and then by phone to witness to him. She claims he was a sweet boy and was crazy about her but she denies he meant anything to her. I have no right to be angry, hurt, be agitated or physically upset because anger is a Love Buster? She says that she did nothing wrong, that I shouldn't be upset and I am wrong for being angry.
Last edited by Mizar; 10/30/13 08:44 AM.
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1
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Joined: Dec 2010
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So I find out my spouse of 31 years has contacted her ex-boyfriend/fianc� thru Facebook and then by phone to witness to him. She claims he was a sweet boy and was crazy about her but she denies he meant anything to her. I have no right to be angry, hurt, be agitated or physically upset because anger is a Love Buster? She says that she did nothing wrong, that I shouldn't be upset and I am wrong for being angry. Gbortz, Please notify the moderators and ask them to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair forum, if you believe your wife is having an affair or possibly starting one. Just click the "notify" button at the bottom right. Do you know about the Policy of Joint Agreement? Never do anything without the enthusiastic agreement of your spouse. So even if nothing is going on with this old boyfriend from high school, if you are not in enthusiastic agreement with your wife's actions, she would need to stop contacting this person. There have many many affairs started in this same way reported on this forum. It's understandable that you are upset with this communication. It's easier for her to change her behavior than it is for you to change your reaction (being upset/alarmed/jealous) to her behavior. But you also should not allow yourself to become angry with her and have an angry outburst. You should calmly tell her that contacting this person is something that makes you very unhappy and that you want her to stop doing it. Meanwhile, snoop quietly and avoid any love busters.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Gbortz,
If it is so innocent then your WW will have no problem with your speaking with the OMW about what is going on? Exes of any kind are poison to a marriage or relationship. Feelings can last for decades, he ment nothing she was going to marry him!
And yes there is no reason to get angry, expose what happened with the impartiality of a judge.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 10/30/13 10:27 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
So I find out my spouse of 31 years has contacted her ex-boyfriend/fianc� thru Facebook and then by phone to witness to him. She claims he was a sweet boy and was crazy about her but she denies he meant anything to her. I have no right to be angry, hurt, be agitated or physically upset because anger is a Love Buster? She says that she did nothing wrong, that I shouldn't be upset and I am wrong for being angry. She's right that you should not be angry. Anger is not what you need. What you need is for her to not be in contact with former lovers. You can ask her to do this without being angry. You can tell her you will not stand for it without being angry. If she is hiding things and not being honest, then I would suggest you snoop to rule out an affair. You can also do this without getting angry! Anger will not help at all. You need to be cool headed and thorough. Can you install snooping tools like spyware?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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So I find out my spouse of 31 years has contacted her ex-boyfriend/fianc� thru Facebook and then by phone to witness to him. She claims he was a sweet boy and was crazy about her but she denies he meant anything to her. I have no right to be angry, hurt, be agitated or physically upset because anger is a Love Buster? She says that she did nothing wrong, that I shouldn't be upset and I am wrong for being angry. Your wife is very disrespectful. You should tell her that this is how affairs begin. This forum has thousands of affairs that started just like this. I would show her this article about the dangers of opposite sex friendships and quietly slip a keylogger on her computer. A good one is eblaster at spectorsoft.com. The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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