I saw an article the other day which really resonated with me. It was basically the story of an affair such as we see every day here but it was a fascinating look at the A from the OP's perspective before and after Dday.

The thing that stuck me the most was how much exposure would have HELPED the OW in this case. Something that hadn't occurred to me until I saw one describe her story.

The article was written by an OW who had become involved in an affair with a father-of-one and a married man in the workplace.
It started predictably enough with a workplace friendship based on some common interests and the fact that this OW was struggling dating wise. It was ignited full blast on a workplace night out.

This heralded 12 months of a secretive hole-in-the corner relationship for the OW. It basically sounds miserable. There were no romantic dates or things they could do openly as a couple. They did have some holidays and weekends away (Which I realise will make all BS's vomit) but all that did was cast her down when they returned and he went home to his wife.

He NEVER actually made any move to leave his wife instead of weekly promises to OW that he would. His poor innocent 12yo DD was blamed for this.

At some point, after a year of infidelity, BW caught him and ordered him to go after a last minute 'her or me' reprieve. He chose OW and no exposure was done. 12yo DD was in tears as he left the home, but she did not know why he was leaving.

OW and WH then set up a new life based on lies. They were free to do this as there was no exposure. OW's dubious and protective father was informed that WH was 'separated' something he was not over the moon about, but he accepted it.

OW and WH then realised they did not get along very well and that WH desperately missed his family. In spite of many lame promises, they had never truly planned to be together. OW had never anticipated the need to instantly give up her single lifestyle overnight. WH had given up his lovely family home for a cramped apartment. They argued constantly.

Dr H predicts 95 per cent of affairs end in two years. Just prior to the two-year mark, WH told this OW that: "If I had known it would be like this, I would never have left home." They broke up. As far as OW knows, he never did go home.

OW is now 37 and feels she wasted precious childbearing years chasing a fantasy. She wrote that her current situation is probably her punishment for breaking up a family.

I did however find it disconcerting that she wrote: "Yes, some people who have affairs get married and live happily ever after, but it does not always happen."

As she still believes such a palpable fairytale, she will probably do it again, and she will never find happiness.

If she had been EXPOSED however, her parents could have helped her see she was being used. She would never have wasted any of her time in an affair. (Very ironically the article was anonymously written)

I know there have been many people on these forums who were helped by exposure and are grateful for it.

Some of you may find it strange that me, a BW has viewed this story from an OW's perspective.

But I truly believe, that the truth helps us all.

Exposure is not vindictive, it is not nasty. It is simply the truth and we should all be grateful for any support (including tough love) that we receive from it.

So nice to hear this indiegirl. I agree that the truth will always help us.
WH and OW hated me for exposing their A, I received threats, but I stand by my decission. I truly believe exposure regardless of the consequences is best.

I received threats too. It's all smoke and mirrors. They didn't want you to look behind the curtain so they put up a front as a distraction.

Consider the source of the threats. People who threaten about speaking the truth probably have skeletons in their closet and questionable morals and values too.

Indiegirl,

If she had been EXPOSED however, her parents could have helped her see she was being used. She would never have wasted any of her time in an affair. (Very ironically the article was anonymously written)

That's one, of many, facets of exposure I recognized after reading on MB for some time.

When I thought of the chronic cheaters I have known most of them seem to have wedged themselves into a position where their past lies forced them to continue lying, and few had the strength to come clean. They definitely need an external reset.

God Bless
Gamma

Indie preach on!

I know it seems crazy, but I felt for her. She went out purposefully to bust up a little girl's family and here I am feeling pity because she was left alone and with nothing.

I can empathize with the 'When am I going to have a family?' fear. I was resentful of my WH for wasting around 15 of my fertile, partner hunting years after Dday.

But at least it wasn't my fault and I had done the best I could have done at the time. I can accept that. I also learned how to have a better approach in future.

This woman has none of those things. She only has guilt and shame and misleading beliefs. Her heavy secret is still weighing on her neck and she remains alone and in the dark without exposure.

I always find them very amusing.

My X's OW said she was 'going to the police' to 'complain about libel'.

This was amusing because a) libel is a civil matter, not a crime which the police don't deal with and b) my job makes me an expert on defamation and libel, and she knew this and c) it is not illegal to tell the truth!

I like to think she tried it and gave the police a chuckle. But it was likely just another wayward idle threat.

My XWH gave the classic wayward spouse threat "I am going to D you". This was rather amusing given that he thought that was more threatening to me than having an A.

Also he never actually did it. They hardly ever do. Too lazy to deal with paperwork. I was the one who had to D him and he dragged his feet legally literally every step of the way.

My WW asks me about the divorce everytime we speak. I just reply with I talk marriage not divorce and is giver her the name of my attorney. I think WS are scared to divorce their BS because of the fear of losing their BS. Deep down they know and remember why they married and to not have that safety net when they get involved with a POS AP is scary. Also, they know the BS has every right to divorce them no matter how bad the marriage was. Especially, if the BS kept true to the vows so they figure let the BS do it and somehow it's not their (WS) fault in the end. "My BS divorced me because he/she was abusive and I left them." That's some of the lies spewed to their APs friends and family.