My 18th anniversary is in a few weeks. I don't care either. Living with my husband that last few years has become an obscene exercise of patience; or maybe just stupidity on my part.
Yes things have changed over the years, but not for the better. My husband has become distant,intellectually insulting slob. I really do feel like I am sleeping next to a stranger at night these days.

When there is a problem to deal with, I carry the load. When I need him to take part in something that affects both of us, he acts like he's exempt. I get blank answers like, "Yes, No, I forgot, & what do you want me to do about it?" The latter two being repeated daily, no kidding.

When my thoughts are directed towards him, the words lazy, irresponsible, leech, and baby come to mind.
His financial responsibilities end with the minimum wage paycheck he gets every week. He has no interest in expanding his skills to get further in the job market. He lost a decent paying job because he would not doctor some tax paperwork. I was so proud of him for standing up for what is right. I hadn't seen that side of him in years. These days I expect too much in his efforts to move up to stable, reliable employment. I am not money hungry, however, minimum wage does not pay the basic bills and we are too broke to be waiting for "something will come along." I encouraged him to go to school, but when asked to do more than fill out an application, he quit. He asked me to do the paperwork and advisor meetings. When I told him I couldn't, that school doesn't work that way, he quit.

In the last few years, as our communications have deteriorated, he has become more intimate socially with former female friends and co-workers. I was accused of being jealous. Telling a "friend" "I love you," and "You're so pretty,"is not just friendship. He doesn't share this view and claims this behavior is harmless.He asked me to check his voicemail for him one day, and I saw the text messages. That is how I found out. He regularly deletes his messages several time a day now.

What happened to the sweet, fun guy I knew 18 years ago? I had hints thrown at me by friends who think I should lay off and not give him such a hard time. I am being too mean. I have yet to repeat 90% of what happens in our home because I think this should be private.
I am miserable. I am alone both physically and mentally. Talking to him only turns me into a crying heap as I become so angry with his lethargic attitude towards our problems and "us." Once after trying to get him to understand my feelings, I was actually told, "Why are you unhappy? I bring home a paycheck and I don't cheat on you. Isn't that enough?"
For me, this has passed marital strife and crossed into insulting my intelligence. That's what hurts the most.
Should he stay or should he go?

Hi HJ, welcome to Marriage Builders. Unfortunately, you and your husband have probably fallen out of love due to the bad habits you have developed in your marriage.

Are you married? Any children?

This program can turn your marriage into a passionate, romantic relationship if you will both follow this program. It really does work. Read this article and come back and lets discuss: How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage

There's a high likelihood of an A. In fact you already have proof of an EA!

Can you put spyweare on his phone to see what else is going on?

Will he end ALL contact with the OW from the EA?

Hoosier Jedi,
Like yourself I am a Jedi.
I encourage you to listen to the Marriage Builders radio show.
There is a free app that is available on the Marriage Builders website, on the left hand side