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Thanks for sharing the list zhamila

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Sorry, I�m not looking to offend you. I just wanted to point out some truths that some guys just don�t get.
I�m absolutely not saying �be a jerk and you will get laid�. It might work, but I could care less about getting laid. I�m looking for the same thing as everyone else � quality. And I see guys on the thread who are clearly struggling with even getting a date.
Just to summarize my position.
1. Yes, build some rapport and don�t push too fast. But also don�t be afraid to touch a woman. Like on the arm!
2. Take care of the physical attraction. Post your best pics. If you need to lose weight do it. If you are short, don�t try to date women who are too tall.
3. Know how to hold a conversation. Don�t say you are interesting and funny. Be interesting and funny! Practice talking to ALL people, not just attractive women.
4. Lead in the relationship, have a date planned and a back up date if that doesn�t work. Listen but also be able to suggest what you want. If she says she�s not interested that is totally fine.
5. Deal with women on YOUR terms. Two flakes, NEXT. Be your own man, have your own life, hobbies, career, goals. But also don�t try to shove it down her throat on the first date.
At risk of having my post flagged I will say MarriageBuilders is really good at building out the Beta half of the ideal man. All I am saying is there is another half.


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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Thanks for sharing the list zhamila
Hope YOU weren't one of them...I'd feel REALLY BAD...

lol wink


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Originally Posted by Reynolds531
Sorry, I’m not looking to offend you. I just wanted to point out some truths that some guys just don’t get.
I’m absolutely not saying “be a jerk and you will get laid”. It might work, but I could care less about getting laid. I’m looking for the same thing as everyone else – quality. And I see guys on the thread who are clearly struggling with even getting a date.
Just to summarize my position.
1. Yes, build some rapport and don’t push too fast. But also don’t be afraid to touch a woman. Like on the arm!
2. Take care of the physical attraction. Post your best pics. If you need to lose weight do it. If you are short, don’t try to date women who are too tall.
3. Know how to hold a conversation. Don’t say you are interesting and funny. Be interesting and funny! Practice talking to ALL people, not just attractive women.
4. Lead in the relationship, have a date planned and a back up date if that doesn’t work. Listen but also be able to suggest what you want. If she says she’s not interested that is totally fine.
5. Deal with women on YOUR terms. Two flakes, NEXT. Be your own man, have your own life, hobbies, career, goals. But also don’t try to shove it down her throat on the first date.
At risk of having my post flagged I will say MarriageBuilders is really good at building out the Beta half of the ideal man. All I am saying is there is another half.

Love your list, Reynolds. And I totally agree that MB is good at building out the Beta.

Physical attraction is important, even to us women.

I guess I'm not a very touchy-feeling-on-first-date person. In fact, I went out with Filmmaker again because he shook my hand after the first (no pressure for anything) - it was awesome. I get tired of men trying to touch me...again, because they think I'm 'pretty' - it feels invasive. Just me.


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
That sounds fun. Z I liked reading about your experiences, I should jot mine down too before I forget.

1) A guy I was good friends in school with, just happened to get back in touch with me. We went for a month or two and I liked him a lot but he was just separated and hadn't filed for divorce, so I felt weird going out for that reason. He was beaten by his wife, so he wasn't going to go back, but he didn't have the finances to file. I stopped seeing him figuring I could check in with him later when he was single again. In the meantime he divorced, met and married another good friend from school. They are very happy together so that was a great ending.

2) A guy I met online, we had a lot in common and went out for a couple of months. I was becoming less and less convinced he was keeper material because he stopped planning dates earlier in the week, started just making last-minute plans. And then when he didn't visit his mom for a holiday with no reason that said it all for me. I am very close with my family and wanted someone who makes it to visit his mom on holidays when he says he will wink

3) A guy with what soon became obvious had a drinking problem. Not a good fit here.

4) Then I met L. We hit it off right away, and I knew within a couple of months this was the one smile

Love hearing your experiences, NED! I wish I had the luck to meet someone within the first four, and I am very happy for you.:D


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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It all comes down to being able to read the person you're with - each person should try to read the other's body language to figure out what's acceptable. Do I want to be groped, ever? No, of course not. But on a date with someone I'm interested in, I don't find flirtatious touches (such as a hand on the small of the back as you walk to your table) invasive at all. I want a man who's confident and wants to show me he's interested. I don't assume it's just because I'm pretty and he's trying to get in my pants. Or maybe I was just fortunate not to meet any of this type of man.

I only went on 6 dates before meeting my bf. I was extremely picky and I too went through periods where I just hid my profile because I was tired of weeding through the "not a chance"s. Just needed a break every now and then. I eventually learned to be more open-minded about certain things (for example, I loosened up my narrow age-range requirement) and to look for signs that the person contacting me had actually read my profile. I based my decision on whether to meet in person on the quality of his messages - whether he was taking the time to think about what he wrote, or if he's trying to engage in a meaningless "chat" via email. If it felt like the conversation wasn't easy, I knew it wouldn't be any better in person.

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Originally Posted by JustMe385
It all comes down to being able to read the person you're with - each person should try to read the other's body language to figure out what's acceptable.

Totes. wink


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Interesting stories. I really like this kind of feedback as I also have my eye out for a nice girl to date, but I find that my requirements eliminate the vast majority which is a little frustrating.

First, the girl must be a follower of Christ and live by a moral standard, second, she must take care of herself as I just don't find significantly overweight women attractive, and third, she needs to know how to dress in a way that shows self respect.

What I'm finding is women that don't seem to have a Christian world view, are tattoo'd up one side pierced down the other, aren't very attractive physically, post pictures that show way too much, or are way too young.

Another thing I've struggled with is that I haven't sought out anyone that didn't have kids because I can't have any more children (ex wife talked me into getting fixed), I don't want to deny a woman her own kids, nor am I typically attracted to women that don't want their own as I'm a family dude and I wonder how that will work with my kids and she doesn't want any.

Honestly it doesn't leave very many to go out with, not to mention, the ones that are left may not find me attractive because I don't look like Brad Pitt, nor act like him. smile

I have three times now bent on one of those standards and three times it was great getting some of my needs met (you know just dinner for two is nice) but I couldn't continue.

As far as the Alpha/Beta thing. I think Alpha gets a bad rap because many Alpha men are naturally that way because they are self-centered jerks. I think what women really want is a manly man that isn't a jerk: Someone that knows how to take care of himself and his family, is concise, a leader, intelligent, has standards he follows, but at the same time gentle, well spoken, considerate, respectful, and generous.

So I would love to hear comments, feedback, and suggestions on what I wrote above, but also want to thank the women on this form that took the time to write their experiences as it's nice to hear the other perspective.

ak


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I would keep tabs on the fixing thing, they have on occasion been known to resolve themselves so to speak.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted by ak1
Interesting stories. I really like this kind of feedback as I also have my eye out for a nice girl to date, but I find that my requirements eliminate the vast majority which is a little frustrating.

First, the girl must be a follower of Christ and live by a moral standard, second, she must take care of herself as I just don't find significantly overweight women attractive, and third, she needs to know how to dress in a way that shows self respect.
This is a bummer...I thought there were tons of quality ladies out there! It seems like it from where I sit, but I guess I haven't really been looking for ladies. I have a single friend who is sweet, modest, thin & Christian (and pretty!). She lives in my city, in case you're interested. wink But it's true, she gets hit on a lot - now I understand why! And she's hung up on a guy who looks like "Brad Pitt" but only bothers to see her once a month or so. frown I wish she'd get over him! Her H had an affair and left her after 30 years of marriage - it's been a rough time for her.

It's good to hear from the other side as well, ak1 - thanks for sharing.

I've often wondered if there would ever be an "MB daters" forum to connect MB-minded singles. Seems like it would be nice to meet people who already know the concepts.


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
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Just remembered another one!

Dean - Handsome, Christian, family-oriented. Said his divorce isn't yet final - I told him I wouldn't date him until it was. He said he'd like to give it a shot now, and was talking 'exclusivity' - even marriage - with me, on the first date. Next.

I am currently on hiatus, as I broke up with the Artist last week. I need a breather anyway - it's been a busy 6 months! faint


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
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Call me skeptical, but how could he call himself a believer if he is dating while married? It doesn't seem like he knew how to be single either if he was talking marriage on the first date. Sounds like he has some healing to do.

Your friend is a good example of what I'm talking about. While I'm not Brad Pit. I'm not fat or ugly by any stretch, and have a lot more to offer than Brad because I'm sane, faithful, and family oriented.

What is interesting is that many of the profiles mention that the girl is done being used and played and is ready to date a 'nice guy', but I find that a turn-off. It sounds like the pretty girls have more attention than they can handle.

I'm fine with it though, I'm not interested in games or drama. Been there done that.

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Originally Posted by ak1
Call me skeptical, but how could he call himself a believer if he is dating while married? It doesn't seem like he knew how to be single either if he was talking marriage on the first date. Sounds like he has some healing to do.

Your friend is a good example of what I'm talking about. While I'm not Brad Pit. I'm not fat or ugly by any stretch, and have a lot more to offer than Brad because I'm sane, faithful, and family oriented.

What is interesting is that many of the profiles mention that the girl is done being used and played and is ready to date a 'nice guy', but I find that a turn-off. It sounds like the pretty girls have more attention than they can handle.

I'm fine with it though, I'm not interested in games or drama. Been there done that.

ak

Totally agree, he needs to heal.

Yep, on the 'profile negatives' - I am always surprised when I see profiles with "don't this...don't that...tired of games...tired of lies."

Maybe I can get her to visit MB? Hm...I'll gently suggest it to her.

Yes, the pretty ones get attention. But whether it's from quality people remains to be seen. I don't need a bunch of attention...in fact I dislike it. I only want attention from "one."

(Sigh) One of the things I'm gonna talk to God about is, "How come people don't reflect on the outside what their inside (character) is like?" What an easier time we'd all have...and if our character improved, so would our looks! Yep, that's how I would've done it, if I were God. lol.


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Originally Posted by ak1
Call me skeptical, but how could he call himself a believer if he is dating while married? It doesn't seem like he knew how to be single either if he was talking marriage on the first date. Sounds like he has some healing to do.

Your friend is a good example of what I'm talking about. While I'm not Brad Pit. I'm not fat or ugly by any stretch, and have a lot more to offer than Brad because I'm sane, faithful, and family oriented.

What is interesting is that many of the profiles mention that the girl is done being used and played and is ready to date a 'nice guy', but I find that a turn-off. It sounds like the pretty girls have more attention than they can handle.

I'm fine with it though, I'm not interested in games or drama. Been there done that.

ak

Yes. I had a "separated" women say "meet me" on POF. She identified as "Baptist"
I sent her a mesaage "I don't date married separated women"

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Jedi points out something else I run into and it sounds like all of you run into it as well: The person that says they are a believer but doesn't act like it. My exWW is like this.

Anyway, I'm going to stay positive about this and use this time to work on myself. Our church is going through John right now and it's a great time to reflect on the "Lamb that takes away the sins of the world."

I'm also working on getting my house completely organized as I have a lot of little parts around for my various projects and hobbies. I wouldn't say I'm a pack rat, more like I enjoy fabrication and building things and that involves lots of tools, parts, parts for the tools, and various materials.

Right now I'm working on getting the garage completely sorted through, then I'll be building a custom snowmobile with my son. I'm using it to teach him how to weld, rebuild an engine, and designing parts that function well and look good.

Speaking of fabrication, I think that welding, building, and repairing is a manly thing, but I get the impression that some women think it's a little redneck or perhaps even nerdy.

That is one thing I really like about my exWW, she could see the potential that an expensive tool would afford us and was willing to spend the money. A lot of other women aren't really on board with dropping $2k on a welder.

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ak, have you considered a Christian online dating site? And my church is full of single respectable divorcees with well-behaved kids, isn't yours?


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I have a profile on Christian Mingle, but it really hasn't turned up anything.... Yet.

I go to a pretty big church, but can only think of one divorced single lady close to my age, and I haven't approached her because it feels awkward whenever I talk to her. I think it's because we went though divorce care together and she saw me when I was a complete mess, when I was depressed, weak, and lacked a backbone.

I'm not like that anymore, there has been a lot of growth since then, that's the part of the divorce I'm really thankful for.

I figured that there would be plenty of women to date, but up here in AK then men significantly outnumber the women for some reason. If it wasn't for the co-parent deal and the fact that I have a fantastic job, I would probably move back to the lower 48.

Thanks for you thoughts though, am always open to suggestions. I would be delighted to have some company for dinner, hiking, and other activities. Who knows, perhaps I'll meet someone and have the opportunity to bless her with all I've learned.

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I don't have many single women in my church either

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Originally Posted by Reynolds531
A few things about online dating:
1. many of the women have been on there for a while and they often get tons of attention - there is a school of thought that says they get addicted to it "cake eating?"
It's interesting, because I've heard this same phrase from several of my dates: ladies are on the lookout for the 'next best thing,' and unwilling to settle down. It's kind of a switch from our younger years!

The men who told me this were generally handsome, but also the ones who talked and didn't listen, or had other less-than-attractive qualities. They almost seemed shell-shocked that their looks & sex-appeal weren't helping them much anymore.

At this point in my life I've had my children and I'm in the middle of my career. I own my home & I'm doing well on my own. A gent has to be pretty special and unique to add value to my life (read: "Dr. Harley-esque"), and I'm not all starry-eyed anymore about cleaning house, doing laundry, and taking on more children. I get the impression that some are looking for a woman to take care of them (emotionally, domestically, sexually) but don't have much to offer in return. Several also told me they weren't interested in women their age, even if she were physically attractive - maybe they wanted someone a little more naive? Perhaps I'm just gun-shy, but this has been my impression of the "Why-Won't-Women-Settle-Down-Lamenters."

Any man who can meet a woman's top 5 ENs will seriously have NO problem attracting flocks of good ladies. I think Dr. Harley uses the phrase, "Irresistible." He's right!! smile


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Remembered another one:

"Josh" - handsomer than his photos, talked non-stop. Had never been married, was in his 40s and had been a hard-driving career man. He kept touching me on the arm in that sales-y way. I asked questions, he pontificated. At least one of us was impressed with him. wink Next.

Also a funny: once when I was skyping with a budding-date-prospect, his screen kept bouncing...I couldn't figure out why until I realized he had been - ahem - pleasuring himself while I told him about my day! shocked ICK. I was fully clothed, I might add.

...(shakes head) there are some things I don't think I'll ever understand...maybe I should start a blog? You can't make this stuff up!!


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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