<BR>Hiya. This is POGP/formerly Liz Smith. Just wondering if you are o.k. Please respond, if only with a "yes, I am alive".<P>Thinking of you,<P>Liz/Pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Hi Liz:<BR>Yeah, I just took a break. The other day my husband surprised me with a pair of tickets to the ballet to see the Nutcracker (4th row seats from the orchestra). Needless to say, I was absolutely thrilled. At night, he asked if we can go and be naked together and lay there and have some intimacy. That was really nice on his part. But, I just cringed at that request. I just did not want to lay with him. When I did, I just kept thinking about all the other things I had to do. I am just not attracted to him anymore. He kept wanting to kiss me and I did kiss him but not passionatley because I did not want to get into it with him (sexually). I just don't feel the same about him anymore. I think that I have alot of resentment and "hate" towards him that built up in the last 2 years from him not attemptiing to make love to me or kept rejecting me so often that I got so use to not having him touch me. Mentally I just turned him off and it has stayed like that. I hate being around him because he is soooooo lazy. He is one of the laziest men I have ever been with and I just can't take that. He will step over a pile of clothes instead of picking it up. He is so boring!!! All he wants to do is sit on the couch. I am not like that and find him very boring. Sadly, he has also put on alot of weight, which also is a factor as to why I am not attracted to him..but it's not the only factor. I know that sounds really low, but, it's just another added thing. I suppose if all else was o.k., then that wouldn't bother me as much. So, I have been very depressed. I really can't stand being around him and so glad when he leaves the house to go do something. Another factor of me being sooooo distant is the fact that he had the emotional affair with the ow. So, there are too many things as to why I feel the way that I do. I just can't help it. I guess deep down, he has hurt me so much that I don't want to be hurt again. Thanks for searching for me. Why did you change your name? I'm glad you told me because I would be looking for you and wouldn't have known you changed it. That is really nice for you to wonder how I am doing. How are you doing? I have not read any of the profiles/posts. I just happen to scan to see if you were writing anything and happen to see my name. Write me and let me know how you are doing. Your Friend, Katya

Katya, I know what you mean about not wanting to be intimate, especially when you were rejected before. I went through that too. We are doing much better in that respect now, and I have realized that my rejecting his frequent advances in the past really set him up for falling for her (she was soooo easy). <P>I posted to "Betrayers, help me understand" and pulled it up recently. It will catch you up with me.<P>My h. wrote me a love letter last week, I asked for one the day after he started his new job. He said that it was sad that I had to ask for a love letter, but that the failing was on his part, because he is self centered. He called me his Pearl of Great Price, and said that he loved me. This made me feel so special, and really healed alot of my bitterness toward the OW. <P>I spoke with her by phone last week and I WAS A LADY! Before, as Lizzie Smith, I was thinking like Lizzie Borden, wanting to 'take an ax' and 'give the OW 30 whacks", one for each time they had sex. Now I am much saner and want to continue to use the whole mess to refine me as a 'pearl', which as you know, grows because something painful is inside the oyster...Get it?<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>