WARNING: STATISTICS - MAY BORE YOUR BRAIN!

I've heard several comments about many dating prospects being overweight...and I was thinking this morning about the statistic that 66% of Americans are either overweight or obese...this does not bode well for the Physical Attractiveness emotional need many people have.

There seems to be a movement to accept people of every size, which I think is great. I love people of all shapes and sizes - but I am not necessarily attracted to them or want to date them. As Dr. Harley says so often, "It's easier to change behavior than a person's reaction to that behavior." I'm not sure people can change what naturally attracts/repels them, but I could be wrong.


OK, so 66% is ~200 million people in America. That leaves 100 million still within a healthy weight range, probably 1/2 of whom are adults, so maybe 50 million men and women who are of healthy weight. How many of them are single? Again, probably about 1/2.

So, that means around 12.5 million women and 12.5 million men - divide this by the 50 states and you get 250,000 men and 250,000 women per state.

If you divide this by 3 - assuming about 3 large cities per state on average, you get around 81,500 single men and 81,500 single women per city within a healthy weight range, of all ages, among single adults. That actually sounds like a pretty decent number to me!

But then I think of all the variety within those numbers: intelligence, lifestyle, subculture, faith/values, economic status, etc. Finding someone with ALL 5 of those remaining qualities (also important) would divide the 18,500 by 120 (5*4*3*2*1=120 is all the possible combinations of those 5 qualities), leaving 154 possible prospects with ALL the "must have" characteristics I need to consider someone an attractive prospect.

But if EVERYONE in the US were within a healthy weight, that number would triple to 500 per city.

So, this isn't to be "grim," but I am intrigued by the sheer statistical hurdles here...I won't even talk about how many of those remaining 154 actually understand (or would be willing to learn) Marriage Builders principles.

I'd better get busy, combing the city!

I'm told that on-line dating attracts more than its fair share of overweight prospects. Not sure I know why but this seems to be a frequent complaint.

Zhamila, now you are talking my language!!!

Let's dive in, but let's compile the stats differently, and for my state:

Alaska, current population 731,449 (2.3% of the us). Of that population 25.6% is under 18 and 8.5% is over 65.

So that leaves 65.9% of people between 18 and 65 or 482,024 people. Lets say that 47.9% are women (according to the census). That leaves 230889 ladies. Now lets say that 66% of them are overweight, now we are down to 101591. Now lets halve that again to estimate how many are single, now down to 50,795.

Now we are at around 51k single women between 18 and 65 that aren't overweight or married in the entire state. Given my age range is 10 years total or 21% of that pool, that leaves around 10666 women.

Keep in mind we are talking about a state that is more than twice the size of Texas. You could fit Maine in Alaska more than 18 times. Around 25% of the state doesn't even live on the road system.

Anyway, if we take your 5 characteristics number of 120:1 (gotta love compound probabilities) that leaves 89 women total, which is actually more than I thought.

Thankfully I don't live in Nome or Barrow, but still, there aren't a lot of women to choose from. Perhaps the mail order bride isn't a bad idea.

Anyway thanks for the thought experiment, I really enjoyed it.

ak

I like your more exact numbers, AK!

89 doesn't sound too bad - not great but not impossible. If you dated one woman per week, you'd have to go through a little over 2 years (at most) to find the 1 out of 120 that would fit the bill.

Double this to 2 ladies per week, and you might be able to knock it out in a year?

Then again, as you date, you might find someone who is very close to the 5 qualities (maybe has 4.5?), sets your LoveBank bells clanging, and ends up being 'the one.'

In any event, it does encourage me that there are dozens of "perfect for me" prospects out there...right in my own city!

Good point. I wonder why?

Truth be told, this has not been my experience with online dating. But as a woman, I'm not out searching through the men on the site, so I might be missing that part.

Online certainly seems more efficient to me than going out on a random Friday night (1 out of 52 in a year), to a random venue (1 of hundreds in the city) and hoping that one of the 154 (or 89, as the case may be) would "just happen" to be there at the same date and time, that we'd notice each other, meet and strike up a conversation.

Or worse, hope that we'll meet in the produce aisle...

Then again (statistics!!) I wonder what % of single people are overweight/obese? Is it really 66%?

Singles kind of understand that they need to be "at their best" to attract a mate. So perhaps the odds are a little better among singles? If I remember correctly in HNHN, the lady in the PA chapter was a "skinny single" then regained her weight after they got married.

Maybe the produce aisle isn't a bad place to be (better than the snacks/chips aisle). Or the gym...

I couldn't remember what that was called. Glad to be reminded it's "compound probabilities!"

...I love math.

I like math too.

So if there are 89 women out there, where the heck are they? They aren't on Match or Christian Mingle, or maybe they are and I'm just not wanting to message them because I'm not attracted to them because of their pictures or what they wrote.

I think the most frustrating part is that the girl that is the best fit is actually my exWW. She is smart, pretty, and a lot of fun to be around. It's to bad she is also selfish, lies, immature, and a complete renter.

Back when she asked about reconciliation she couldn't understand why I wouldn't pursue her while she was also dating this other man. I tried to explain that it felt like a continuation of her affair (because she was physical with him), but she couldn't see it from my perspective and wanted me to plan A her while she tried to decide between him and me. That is when I decided that she just wanted to cake eat some more and that it's truly hopeless. I have been avoiding her like the plague ever since.

ak

The answer to your dilemma is quite clear:

When you go fishing do you fish in the small pond that has 3 fish in it? Or do you fish in the lake with thousands of fish?

Just eat more fast food, go on a "Supersize Me" diet, invest in some sweat pants and date 30 obese women. You'll find one who meets your other "top emotional needs" and be set!

Not everyone can put on weight. Nobody in my family is able to. I'm thinner now than I was before I had children.

The last option may be surgery.
Obesity has become so fashionable that plastic surgeons are now able to inject massive amounts of pig lard in the thighs and buttocks regions. They advertise that a 50 pound lard injection costs about $1500, which will soon be covered under Obamacare

and an added bonus is that we won't have to carry those lead weights around when it is windy any more.

Dude, that's just wrong!

Honestly, there are plenty of good looking women are out there, that's not the problem, it's that combined with the character and world view attributes I desire.

If I just wanted to date physically attractive women all I have to do is turn into a perpetual renter and ignore any differences between us, then there are plenty to choose from, but then I would be just like any other shallow jerk she has to deal with. It's a game, one I don't care to play.

I have a ton to offer the right lady, so much so that I hide it because I don't want them to think I'm flaunting it or pursue me because of it, so for now I'm just going to keep focusing on my life and my kids and wait for the right one to come. I just thought it would be easier to find a nice/normal/simple lady that took care of herself, and had similar views.

ak

This is funny: "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" I'm pretty sure you're joking, Jedi.

There seems to be an attitude in American culture that people should just "love you as you are." I don't know if it's getting worse, or is pretty much the same as it's always been, but the obesity thing has been added to the list of "traits we should just 'get over.'"

It's sort of a mass "Freeloader" mentality.

According to Dr. Harley's decades of counseling couples, this just isn't something people can 'get over.' Hence advertising STILL uses thin, attractive people, and those who are of a healthy weight and attractive have no problem garnering lots of opposite-sex attention.

Rather than being upset by the facts, perhaps people could learn from it and improve? Call me crazy

Whoa! So much wrong here friend and the wrong mindset. You don't want to flaunt your attractive qualities because you don't want someone pursuing you because of it...huh? That makes no sense. I think you phrased that wrong. Also if you are waiting around for a woman to find you will be waiting a long time or getting someone else's damaged leftovers. What you are saying is really what most guys suffer from, a deep fear of rejection. Of showing your authentic self and someone not liking that. Typical Nice Guy behavior. The money line is "so for now I'm just going to keep focusing on my life and my kids and wait for the right one to come". Focus on what life that will make you more attractive to right mate? Does raising your kids make you get in better shape, become more interesting, have more hobbies, develop stronger male friendships needed for grounding your male energy, get a goal and purpose in life for YOURSELF. Women use the "kids" as code to hide behind, to make excuses for not being the best THEY can be. In life attractive high quality women do not stay single long, you need to find them and persue. Its biology and the way G*d intended things. It's your male essence. When I embraced my inner hunter, my maleness... women came easy. Too many airy fairy Nice Guys out there, women want real men. You need to start by reading Models by Mark Manson, an eye opener. Try some of what he suggests, smile at women and say hi to everyone you meet. Not talking being a cheesy pickup artist but making an active effort to demystify the mating game and face rejection head on. I did it and you know what women will smile at you and some will say Hi back, you will feel that rush of male energy. Its who you were meant to be.

I think you misread me.

Finding a girl to date isn't hard. That's not the issue. I do work on myself, I do many manly and interesting things (I have my pilots license, an airplane, a large motorcycle), I have a very nice house, I read books, workout, know how to build things.

So I don't think that is the issue. In fact one lady was thrilled to go riding on the motorcycle, and the other was impressed that I could break something on my truck and just break out my welder and fix it.

And I don't think that raising kids takes anything away from working on my self as I'm teaching them to be men. When I say focus on my kids, I'm talking about building stuff, flying, exploring the mountains, shooting, and other 'man' things, while at the same time relating and connecting with them so that they know how to live right, and so that they will trust my instruction.

It sounds like you are a bit younger than me, and are more interested in playing the game. I am not, but that doesn't make me the typical frustrated chump.

Anyway, what I'm trying to express is that the kind of woman that I desire to have in my life is very rare, and I'm a bit frustrated at not even being able to identify one to pursue.

But I do get your point. I'll stop complaining about it, and do something about it. You are right that a good woman is hard to find and that she is rarely single long, so I'll get a match.com account and start looking through it every day. It's only a matter of time before someone attractive to me comes along and I'll be ready to connect with her.

Hopefully she will like flying, as it's only a 20 minute flight to a glacier.

Have you seen the movie North to Alaska?

No, I don't think I have. I'll pick it up and watch it when I have some free time.

So there's an article in the Atlantic today about American Obesity. It's broken down by socio-economic status (Upper, Middle, Lower) and race (black, hispanic, white). Obese is a BMI of 30+.

I'll post women first:

Women - Percent Obese
TOTAL Upper Percent Obese 29%
TOTAL Middle Percent Obese 39%
TOTAL Lower Percent Obese 42%

Upper White Percent Obese 28%
Middle White Percent Obese 38%
Lower White Percent Obese 39%

Upper Black Percent Obese 48%
Middle Black Percent Obese 52%
Lower Black Percent Obese 55%

Upper Hispanic Percent Obese 35%
Middle Hispanic Percent Obese 46%
Lower Hispanic Percent Obese 45%


So the least-percent-obese women are upper class whites, followed by upper class hispanic women.

Now the men:

Men - Percent Obese
TOTAL Upper Percent Obese 33%
TOTAL Middle Percent Obese 35%
TOTAL Lower Percent Obese 29%

Upper White Percent Obese 32%
Middle White Percent Obese 35%
Lower White Percent Obese 30%

Upper Black Percent Obese 45%
Middle Black Percent Obese 36%
Lower Black Percent Obese 29%

Upper Hispanic Percent Obese 41%
Middle Hispanic Percent Obese 31%
Lower Hispanic Percent Obese 30%

So the least-percent-obese men are poor blacks, followed by poor hispanic and poor whites.