Not that it matters an I know my attention should be put elsewhere...but...what r the odds he will stay with the OW?

He is 50 and she is a 29 yr old single mom with a baby...??
Do these things last??

I wouldnt tell your husband about meeting with the lawyer on Friday.
If you do not want to save your marriage, Dr Harley would encourage you to have no further direct contact with your husband during separation and divorce.
You should find a third party Intermediary to handle communication and child exchanges.

According to Dr Harley most affairs die within 6 months of exposure.
Only 5% last longet than 2 years

No they do not! 95 per cent of A's end within two years of exposure. There is no guarantee that he will be a faithful man at that point though. Some are, some want a fresh OW.

Do you know how to expose them?

Lacole, I would like to see you get your exposure plan in place, and then prepare for Plan B.

I highly recommend Plan B for your situation. The link in my signature explains how to do it properly.

Whether you choose to divorce or recover, Plan B is the best route to sanity.

I have no plans to tell my husband I'm going to see a lawyer. He doesn't need I know that.

I did tell him to leave the house immediately, BUT, my friend who is a lawyer told me that unless my husband is beating me, I can't force him out of the home. I can ask him to leave and then he can go if he chooses. My husband told me he is looking for an appt.

This all happened last Sunday. We have not spoken a word to eachother. I don't do his laundry, cook, etc.

AND I have begun to expose him, his affair and his abuse.

What r the chances he will try and stay in the marriage once he sees that this OW isn't all she was cracked upon be??

He said he no longer loved me and hadn't for years.

I really wish lawyers would stop telling people that. A lawyer told me that and it is only a technical detail. If you kick your cheating husband out of the house - nobody is going to stop you. No mob squad is going to show up and make you take him back in. In fact many people will cheer.

I changed my locks. No one stopped me. I had his stuff delivered to his mothers. No one stopped me. I had my family come to stay in case he showed up and made a scene. He did not dare.

Waywards have no interest in forcing their way back into a home full of disapproving relatives.

Based on what the lawyer had told me, I was prepared for him to break in the house. Even if he had he done that, I would simply have called the police. They may not have backed me up but it is likely they would have. In any case waywards are chickens who are too scared to try.

Bottom line - he would have had to go through my family, his family, and a visit from the police to get back in the house before I had been the one to move out. Lawyer or no lawyer.

Also, in Plan B, you make it clear in your letter he can come back ANY TIME HE LIKES. So long as he has broken up with OW. So you are not 'forcing' him out at all.



What is your exposure plan? Are you using the templates here and contacting everyone on the suggested list of people? Have you exposed to your children?

They all say that. Here's the basic wayward script, I made up a lsit of top ten lies in 2011 in a thread I called 'Never take the word of a wayward". Many people who are former waywards and in happy marriages today said all of the following and today don't remember saying any of this stuff.

See number 4.

Update...it's been two weeks since I discovered without a doubt that my H was having an affair. Women is 29, he is 50.

He hasn't apologized to my face, or sat and talked to me about it. He sent me a little text sort of saying he was sorry but nothing more. Whether we were to stay together or not, I deserved more then a text apology. He seems to want things to be "normal" in the house. Tells me what happened wasn't an affair??!! - he is downplaying it, to remove guilt, questions, etc I guess.

He said he didn't have the courage to divorce all these years, I guess a 29 year old with a baby have him the courage.

I know it shouldn't matter, but he doesn't deserve happiness with this girl. I want him to regret what he did, to see how much he has lost.....

Have you exposed the affair to the world?

Getting there....have told many friends/family....still more to go...

For clarification, the most effective exposure is "nuclear exposure"
It is important you finish your exposure TODAY

Won't change his wanting a divorce....

Actually exposure can change a lot of things

He claims he has wanted a divorce for years and never had the courage to do it....

Every single wayward says gibberish statements like that. We all heard this before and many have saved their marriages regardless of any such statements. Some even accuse this spouses of phisical abuse. That's why we call them Waywards, exposure is your best bet, at this stage you have nothing to loose.

Yep, mine said the same thing right here on these boards. It's bull. It's their way of rewriting the marriage to justify their actions to themselves.

So do they ever regret saying those things? Once the divorce papers are served do they come to realize they were wrong in thinking that is what they wanted or is that just what the wives want to believe to make it easier....

Well, mine did though we never got as far as divorce papers. Things were rough for us before, I took my share of the blame for the way our marriage was, but I made a lot of changes to be the wife he needed. But his decision to have an affair is 100% his to own.

The plan that Dr Harley has developed has the best chance of bringing a wayward spouse back into the marriage.
This is thoroughly detailed in the book Surviving An Affair.
When a spouse is in "the fog" (a term meaning irrational thinking and behavior) then the spouse may not consider all the consequences of their actions. Some spouses do crazy things.

In your case, your husband may have desired a divorce for years because he was unhappy. If we do not fill our spouses "love banks" then they will become unhappy because their needs are not being met.

That's why Dr Harley emphasises restoring Romantic Love and maintaining romantic love after an affair and for the life of the marriage. His program muat be followed to accomplish this (Policy of Joint Agreement, Undivided Attention, etc)