Got it. Thanks so much!

Eden, in that case, you need to contact a lawyer and find out how you can get sole custody and get her out of your home. Your wife is reckless and dangerous to your children. Would she move out if you asked her?

She said she wants and is trying to find her own place, but I think she intends on taking the kids. Since she snuck out of friends house she has not left the children without first arranging for childcare, namely me.

I exposed to my kids yesterday and wife was obviously upset whe my daughter told her. My daughter told me wife had been asking her what she thinks of having a blended family with OM and his kids.

When I first exposed to my inlaws they proposed that they take sole custody of the kids, due to both the A and our financial issues. My mother in law has since also suggested the possibility that I take kids and move in with my parents who live out of state.

How honest should I be with wife and friends and family about who I exposed to on facebook?

Should I go to counseling appt scheduled for today and discuss any of this with my counselor? I'm not sure if wife would want to come at this point, but she may to air out her feelings on the exposure. I have not asked her yet. Counselor has not been that helpful. She has not said that the A has to end.

Would I need to get official custody first or could I just take the kids? I know there may be legal consequences but have not looked into it.

In regard to evidence. Will I need phone records and such if it comes to custody battle? I am not able to get text messaging records, only voice, since she has prepaid cell phone, thought the account is in my name.

Also should I take her paycheck out of the mail and deposit it without telling her? When we moved a couple months ago I put the apartment in my name only since she did not want to be financially responsible for it. Since my income is not even enough to cover the full rent, my father in law acted as a cosigner, and has also been hesitantly supplementing to meet rent this past month. I know I need more income quick.

I set up a bank account in my name only when we got this apartment because I borrowed money from my parents. My wife was pissed that I didn't tell her until after the fact but I was really unsure of what was going to happen. Both my wife and I have had trouble being completely honest about finances and budgeting all along. This is one of our major issues in our marriage.

This is why I would contact a lawyer NOW. Get her to move out but don't allow her to take the kids. I would not allow her to take the kids out of my sight if I were you.


Your wife is corrupting your children morally. I hope you are talking about why adultery is wrong to them.


Those are some good ideas. What I would not do is allow her to continue to drag your children into her sleazy affair.


You can just tell them you exposed to everyone.


I think your time would be better spent consulting with a lawyer and getting legal protection for your kids.

What do your parents say about coming to live with them? That is an option that I would explore. Find out if they will allow it and then find out if you can get legal support to do this.

You should contact a divorce attorney asap.
I know that some have suggested that you leave the house if she needs someone to watch the kids on her dates etc.....However in a custody case you want to be seen as the parent that STAYS for the kids.

You are at a crucial point.
I am a father of 3 kids and my wife had an affair, made a false promise (s) to end it, and demanded that I move out.
But I stayed .....so she ended up leaving for longer and longer periods of time.
Eventually she was gone for days, weeks at a time. Disappeared.
Today I have custody and my kids are doing well in a safe loving home.

You need a good lawyer.
Also make sure you carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times (hide it on you, even in bed)
Do a background check on OM (my wifes affair partner was a dangerous violent felon)
Become involved in all children's activities.
Take a parenting class (churches and some cities offer these)
Get a plan on where to live without wife being part of finances.

Most courts won't allow you to leave the state.
Also under no circumstances should you leave the home until you speak to an attorney.

And if wife tries to lock you out, call your attorney and a locksmith. Call the police.
Do not threaten your wife, my attorney told me a lot of male clients get mad and hit the om or the wife and it hurts their case.
If wife disappears with the kids, call the police.

As for the counseling, individual counseling is fine
But marriage counseling is not only a waste of time but actually causes love bank withdrawls.

I am about to do facebook exposure to OM friends. Facebook instructions say that I have to pay per messsage to avoid going to spam. How do I do that? Does it automatically prompt me when I try to send many messages?

When you go to place the message in each box, it will give you the option to pay and prompt you through. I don't know if it still does this, but they used to stop you if you sent too many messages too fast, so we would tell people to space them out 60 seconds.

I have not been carrying a recorder. Is this really necessary? I know that in letter to OM facebook friends it says I would be happy to provide evidence. The only evidence I have is voice call records and possibly e-z pass toll records. I was told by phone company that they would only release numbers texted to and content of texts if they were requested by police. Do I have grounds to request this from police or do I need to file a lawsuit?

thanks meloddylane.

I would delete the part about providing evidence and just say they are having an affair very matter of factly. You don't need to provide evidence because they are both so brazen.

I do need to go to work and I work nights from 6 til midnight, so I need to leave my kids. don't think anyone would watch them for free between those hours.

How fast can you get a day job? This is a huge part of the problem.

Can you ask to be put on another shift?

Eden, can you go listen to the radio show from yesterday? It plays over until noon. Dr Harley describes a betrayed husband who moved with his children to another state to get them away from his wayward wife who was having an affair with a meth dealer. The children were being abused by the boyfriend. [a very common occurrence] The betrayed husband moved to another state and was able to win custody of the kids.

I am not saying this is the right solution for you, but you should do everything to protect your kids. You can also do a background check on the OM. Jedi did the same and found out the OM in his case was a convicted felon who had beaten his own daughter.

Do you have daughters?

Can I also get the radio show from the archives after today?

Yes, as soon as they load them into the archives.

Is a recorder necessary? YES!
Lots of men are arrested for "beating, threatening, etc" that are INNOCENT!
Women know all they have to do is cry abuse and the man is gone.
Protect yourself!