I will try to explain this situation I am in. I met my husband 4 years ago. We have been married since April. We met while I separated from my ex- boyfriend ( who was well-off and lived a stress free life), and my husband was going through a divorce with 2 children ( now 6&7). I have always had a happy life. I am a hard worker, outgoing and sociable when I want to be. I have always had a somewhat easy life. My husband was opposite everything I have known. He was divorced, 2 kids, crazy ex wife, financially strapped. I know, what was I thinking? We'll he was a breath of fresh air and although I struggled with many things, I fell in love with him. Today I realize he is what I want, not his baggage. Anyways, we had a rough 4 years, and it went downhill more after we got married. He has this expectation that I should be a mother to his kids. He gets upset when I don't want to participate in weekend hockey games or family party of his ( which is all of the time due to his culture ). I travel a lot for work and feel I have no "me " time and I also get extremely frustrated that he does not help out with the house duties. We have a fairly large house and on my days off I clean. On his days off ( if not with the kids) he golfs or plays sports. We have terrible communication skills, fight about house cleaning ( I think he's lazy, he thinks I'm crazy), kids and priorities. About 2 years ago, things had gotten really bad and he convinced me I was depressed ( runs on my moms side). Keep in mind, I have NEVER suffered from depression or anxiety prior to him that I know of, meaning I felt happy and no one mentioned it to me. I have always had the bad habit of complaining a lot and being negative, otherwise I was known as the fun person to be around. So going back to 2 years ago, I began taking Zoloft. My doctor didn't diagnose me but I eventually sought out therapy and was diagnosed with a minor form of GAD which I know is also linked to depression. I also know these illnesses can worsen with age. I took Zoloft for 1 year and everything seemed better in my relationship, until 1 day my husband complained that the medication chilled me out too much- like I no longer cared about things. I stopped taking Zoloft and everything seemed fine. As my job got tougher and required more travel, I noticed that I get stressed easier towards him for not helping out around the house, and I get irritated by his kids. We fight just about every day but I really don't believe this is all me. My parents have noticed faults in him and I even wonder what the real reason is behind his first divorce. I am not claiming perfect , but he blames a lot of this on my disease as he calls it. So, here is my question- can people suffer from GAD /depression caused by stressful situations / bad relationships or do I need to suck it up, look in a mirror and get back on Meds? I don't want to ruin my marriage knowing I am the reason for it- but when do you draw the line and say it's not me, it's the situation- this guy isn't right for me or this situation isn't right for me? The last thing I want to do is exit the marriage and find myself in the same situation with another guy and I realize I need Meds. I really do think I struggle with the fact that he has kids and has these expectations of me. I'm jealous and want my own children. I also find stress in how he deals with situations and I don't think he makes things easier for me- but I also stress easily, freak out and react in a way that is obsessive / compulsive. Ugh, I really need some advice here.

Again, have you known of someone who has developed depression/GAD due to a bad relationship or is most likely the illness that is causing the problem in the marriage?

Thanks,

34 yr old female / 38 yr old husband.

Welcome to MB.

How did you meet your H?

Have you read this?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Lot of love busting going on here. I see independent behavior throughout as well as your very critical needs not being met. Probably his too. I think he is not meeting your needs of support within the house? How about you? Are you meeting his needs? What are they? If you complain a lot, my gut tells me it is not respectful. Are you saying, "I'd appreciate if you...?" Or are you saying "You need too..." Big difference. I know that I don't like being demanded to do anything. I'm experienced in this forum but I was very slow to learn and take serious the format in which you need to ask for what you need and for what you don't like. It has caused me great pain as a result. You probably are depressed. I am. But I don't have to be. Neither do you. At one point you fell in love. This happen because you didn't demand anything and you met each other's needs. It was effortless. As things get more intense it isn't effortless, so put in the effort. Posting on this forum is great but I think what is better is to start reading more. Read everything you can, and then implement those changes.

Welcome! There you go, broke it up into paragraphs for easier reading.
I would start at the basic concepts on the page and go through the love bank of emotional needs and then onto Lovebusters. Most of us when we get here aren't meeting each other most important emotional needs and also are doing things that hurt our spouse which are called "Lovebusters".

Yes, a bad marriage is the number one reason a women becomes depressed but can be fixed without meds by creating
a passionate, romantic relationship with our husbands. If you would like to do that, we can help you.

More than anything, I would buy or download the kindle version of His Needs, Her Needs for Parents (which discusses in great length domestic, household problems, step kids etc and our Emotional needs) and then the book "Love Busters" as it goes into wonderful detail how to help each other to stop hurting one other.

That is where I would start.

What do you mean he was 'going through a divorce?' If he was separated then he was still married. Separated people often discuss reconciliation right up to the last minute. Are you sure you didn't disrupt their marriage?

Also how can you have met him WHILE you separated from an ex boyfriend? Boyfriends and girlfriends don�t need to divorce and can break up over a phone call. Did you live together? While seeing your now husband?

Was your early relationship a secret? When did you meet his family, for example?

I also find it concerning that you aren�t sure why he got divorced; what reason did he give you? His ex wife is described as 'crazy'? Specifically why is she crazy?

These past questions might not seem relevant to the present situation but I can assure you Dr H would first diagnose what type of foundation this relationship has.

It is rather surprising he chose a travelling career woman when he wanted a family type and he isn't what you were going for either. I wonder why that is.

Good question. I've heard Dr. Harley say that depression in women is often caused by frustration in a bad marriage. Depression in men is often caused by frustration in their career.

This said, Marriage Builders is amazing at turning around even the worst marriages! The good posters here can help you develop a plan for taking your marriage from awful to great.

Glad you're here - keep posting, read the materials, and bring your questions!