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Marriage Builders Forums General Discussion Marriage Builders 101 My own anger

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My own anger #2765949 11/14/13 12:14 PM
Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 110 CA W Wearld Member
Wearld Member W Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 110 CA	This may be part of something basic as part of marriage builders. How does one deal with their own anger while working with other issues of spouses? I can yell n scream but that won't really help if I'm not out of my mind. What do u do if anger overwhelms you?

Re: My own anger Wearld #2765952 11/14/13 12:31 PM
Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 110 CA W Wearld Member
Wearld Member W Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 110 CA	Any help please. I'm holding on almost by the minute.

Re: My own anger Wearld #2765953 11/14/13 12:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,704 Oklahoma City, Ok K kilted_thrower Member
kilted_thrower Member K Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 1,704 Oklahoma City, Ok	A long time ago my wife would yell and scream at each other. We don't anymore I started by taking a walk her I would start ggetting mad. Then I started to embrace thatI was in control of my anger and my emotions. I started saying "I'm not comfortable continuing this conversation" and repeated it like a broken record. What specifically is your issue? Husband (me) 39 Wife 36 Daughter 21 Daughter 19 Son 14 Daughter 10 Son 8 (autistic)

Re: My own anger kilted_thrower #2765954 11/14/13 12:45 PM
Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 110 CA W Wearld Member
Wearld Member W Joined: Dec 2012 Posts: 110 CA	Haven't influenced him enough to realize what talking about. And I have tell myself I'm responsible for this over and over. But resentment now turning into anger. Can't go into my shell but someone needs to keep the ball rolling.

Re: My own anger Wearld #2765959 11/14/13 01:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 NYC L living_well Member
living_well Member L Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 NYC	Originally Posted by Wearld Haven't influenced him enough to realize what talking about. And I have tell myself I'm responsible for this over and over. But resentment now turning into anger. Can't go into my shell but someone needs to keep the ball rolling. You have very immature coping mechanisms. Being angry or running away when you are upset are not adult behaviours. You need to learn how to sit down and discuss problems calmly and honestly. If you do it that way you will find a solution that works for you both and which is better than either of you would have thought of alone. Start small. Try discussing who is going to pay the electric bill this month. Stay away from emotional stuff until you are ok with the easy things. New habits take 3 months so be patient. 3 adult children Divorced - he was a serial adulterer Now remarried, thank you MB (formerly lied_to_again)

Re: My own anger Wearld #2765968 11/14/13 01:35 PM
Joined: Sep 2013 Posts: 92 H HonestyLovebust Member
HonestyLovebust Member H Joined: Sep 2013 Posts: 92	Originally Posted by Wearld This may be part of something basic as part of marriage builders. How does one deal with their own anger while working with other issues of spouses? I can yell n scream but that won't really help if I'm not out of my mind. What do u do if anger overwhelms you? Being angry is a choice that you make each time you do it. If you are able to take a step back and see what anger really is, a choice, then you can start with the premise that from this moment moving forward that you'll start making different choices. It will take practice, but it can be done.

Re: My own anger Wearld #2765972 11/14/13 01:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 Moved to Uranus	Have you listened to the clips in here? Anger Management 101 FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: My own anger BrainHurts #2765975 11/14/13 01:55 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 Moved to Uranus	Also, have you read this and listened to the clips in here? Resentment Type A and Type B FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: My own anger Wearld #2766074 11/15/13 05:56 AM
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,650 UK I indiegirl Member
indiegirl Member I Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 11,650 UK	Originally Posted by Wearld This may be part of something basic as part of marriage builders. How does one deal with their own anger while working with other issues of spouses? I can yell n scream but that won't really help if I'm not out of my mind. What do u do if anger overwhelms you? I find that anger overwhelms us if one of the two things below are true: 1) We believe that other people 'make' us mad. If we believe this it's hopeless trying to control ourselves. Or 2) We think of leaving the relationship as unthinkable. Leaving is not an option so we feel trapped and panicked. If you accept that a) you decide when you act out and that b) leaving (after exhausting other options) is an appropriate response to abuse/neglect, you'll be fine. We really need the specifics to help, but behaving in an angry way is simply not OK. Stop it. What would you do if you were not afraid? "Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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