Thanks for the answers, they are both obvious, but yet helpful.

So while we are talking about online dating stories, a girl just contacted me on Christian Mingle, I'm not paying at this time so I can't see what she wrote or write back, but I can see that she is 2 inches shorter than me and is probably 40lbs heavier than I am, so I'm not sure it's worth the cost to reply back.

Two things come to mind:

I should probably subscribe or delete my account so that I'm not the guy that doesn't reply.

I like what she wrote on her profile and it says we are a 100% match (whatever that means), but I just don't find her attractive, so I'm feeling a bit shallow.

ak

You're saving her time and yours. And there is nothing wrong with wanting someone attractive. If that was your ONLY criteria, then you would be shallow.

ak,
I value life and health.
I don't find people that clog their arteries and eat junk food and get fat to share the same value of life.
Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins

What if this girl who you estimate to be 40 lbs. heavier than you has been working toward a healthier life and has recently lost a great deal of weight? And she hits the gym every day, likes to go running and hiking, but does like to enjoy a cheeseburger and fries now and then? Would that make a difference? Just wondering. It's happened to me a few times in my life where I met someone (not online) who I didn't find attractive at all, but as I got to know him, I became attracted to him.

While I don't find obese people attractive, I would and have agreed to meet/date men from online sites who were a bit overweight if we were compatible in other ways. Especially if he were funny and smart and had an active lifestyle (because marathon runners can still be overweight).

Physical attraction is important no doubt about it. If you're not attracted to someone, don't feel shallow - you're not going to be attracted to every single woman out there, just like there are probably plenty of women who aren't attracted to you. Just respond with "Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match. Good luck in your search!"

But he cant respond without subscribing and paying the fee, so I suppose the lesson is to not be online with the free version since its useless

You may be right, perhaps I would become attracted to her, but I do think it works different for men (who usually have different ENs). We are driven by our eyes. Perhaps that is lame (something I've been thinking about), or perhaps it's just how we are wired.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3330_att.html

The physical attractiveness need is pretty high on my list (probably top 3), and is one of the reasons why I avoid my exWW. Just seeing her starts filling my love bank, and apparently I'm not the only one.

That said, I'm not that picky, it's not like I need to date a super model or anything, but height and weight proportional is pretty important to me.

ak

Yes, that's true, but if I did see someone that I thought would be a good match that I did find attractive I would pay the money in second.

Good point! I think you just answered your own question.

Everyone has different things they find attractive in a potential date/mate. Knowing yourself will save you - and others - lots of time and heartache.

ak, this is the 2nd time you've referenced your ex as "very attractive" - I wonder if you could use a little more time to heal? You might find your dating experiences will improve after you've had more space to grieve. Dunno.

You may be right, though I only mention it to illustrate how important physical attractiveness is to me, and one of the many reasons why I avoid my exWW.

Zham, I am currently dating an Alpha female who like you went on at least 20+ dates of online dating and one 2 year relationship with someone she confesses was on paper a good match and the first 6 months was a good match, month 7 he became verbally abusive, jealous and just his personality totally changed, but he contracted cancer and she just could not dump him until at year 2 she had enough. I met her on Match.com. We just clicked right away, physically and intellectually. She said she had met many nice looking men, some she even thought she had a connection with, but they either went right to the sex card on date #2 or showed a serious personality flaw. One she said confessed at their meeting, 30 minutes in, he WAS married but WAS getting a separation. She said she left so fast she must have looked like Fred Flinstone. She like myself was just about to give up. I think she put her match numbers at like she met 30 total men, 1/3 of those she went on a second, had a cpl of thirds and got one BF out of it. She did admit early on one of the 3rd dates she did the dirty with and she knew when she did it was a mistake. Like a Hollywood movie, after the orgasm he was not 2 minutes with pants on and out the door, she never heard from him again.

My experience was I went on about 15 dates, a few seconds, dated a woman for a few months and then after a period of no contact form her I saw she was back online and that ended a little ugly(this was after her professing exclusivity). I did work so hard on myself, healing and getting my feet under me after my divorce. I was one of those guys who got the "ILYBNILWY" speeches. I was so devastated. I set about getting in shape and letting my inner Alpha roam! I viewed dating as fun and was not goal oriented. I read many books, went to men's group stuff at church, took up martial arts..you know got MANLY. I rarely got turned down for 2nd dates..because I was in control, I did the picking not her and that mindset projected confidence, sex appeal and that I was the catch. I never approached a date as a conquest, more I was learning about someone, getting to know them. I listened way more than I talked, was flirty, slightly cocky, I was genuinely interested. ***EDI*** you need to be an interesting, integrated, healthy, well dressed man for women to want you. My current squeeze whom I have been dating for 1.5 years said I was SOOOOOO different than any of the 30 guys, I projected an energy she just loved, it was masculine energy, she said she felt the polarity, she felt safe with me. She said she loved talking with me, that I really listened to her and kept the conversation light and fun. She said it helped also that at the end of our first date I firmly grabbed her by the waist and planted a kiss on her that she said made her knees buckle.

Women want authenticity over flash

The resource you mention above is pretty amateurish. As risk of getting flagged I would recommend ***EDIT*** Just take the PDF and apply everything you would do with a wife to a date.

Principles all apply equally.

No disrespect or taking anything away from MB.

Just my $.02:

That girl is very wise, IMO! If she had dropped "the bomb" on the first date, she wouldn't have gotten a second. Also, she waited to divulge something this sensitive until she knew whether the man had potential: why tell a complete stranger your darkest secrets?

That's a difficult decision for him, but life is full of difficult decisions. Ultimately he has to decide whether this is something he can deal with. No one is perfect except God. I suppose he has to decide how much "imperfection" he can handle.

Hey ak, what's the latest on your search for "slender wimmin-folk in the cold state?" Anything interesting?

I know what you mean Zhamila, she is smart, but it does cloud the judgment of the man. Think about it this way, would you marry someone that hid something so significant for so long? I don't think I would as that could cause significant problems if it happens after the wedding.

At any rate, I'm doing well. I'm kinda taking a break from the search until after the first of the year for a few reasons:

1. I'm super busy at work, and work, and with the kids.

2. I have a technical certification test I have to pass in the next 60 days and it's going to take a bit of time to get through.

3. There is a girl I really like, and she likes me, but she isn't available right now, so I think I'll stop looking for a while and see what happens with her.

Ok, so #3 requires an explanation, here it is.

I met this girl at church and found that she was also going through a divorce. I got an opportunity to see what she is like, observe what she values, get an idea of how she works, all from a distance. I found her to be very mature, smart, caring, and she has very similar values as I do.

After her divorce I was able to get to know her a little bit for a very short period, but she had to move away for a number of reasons. I've kept in contact and we talk frequently. We have become good friends, but I wasn't sure if there was more because she would like to reconcile if possible, and if not she wants to take some time to reset and really heal.

I took that as she wasn't available and decided that I would start the search, but I end up comparing every girl I meet to her and they don't come close, which was part of my frustration.

Recently she mentioned dating to me and that she doesn't know what is in store for her future, but if she was here she would have taken me up on my offer to go out on a date and have fun together. We joked about what we would do and I get the impression that she wishes she was much closer.

I really like this lady because I find that she meets my needs with little effort and I seem to meet hers without trying very hard. We have a habit of finishing each others sentences, and are frequently coming from the same viewpoint. I also like that we went to the same church and know the same people and believe the same things.

So I would really like to be with her, and I think she really likes me, but is being careful because she would like to have her family whole again if possible. We talked about this and I agree that she is wise to give it some time as she doesn't want to be torn if reconciliation is possible, but at the same time I don't think it will work out. I think she will get some finality to her family situation in the next few months, so I think I'll wait for that to happen.

If she does become available I'll be thrilled because she has a very nice family, has high standards, and is very enjoyable to be around. Did I mention that she is very pretty!

If she isn't available, then I'll keep looking, but I think I may stick to looking in the church. I noticed a lady in church last week that appears to be single with a son the same age as my oldest. I don't know anything about her except that she dresses well, is outgoing, and is attractive. If our paths cross, then I'll think about that then, but for now I'm pretty content to wait, and in the mean time I have been doing a bit of reading lately and found another character issue that I think needs some improvement so I'm working through that.

Anyway, thanks for asking. Have a great week!

ak

Why did she get a divorce?

Her husband left her. I don't want to say much because I don't want her to be identified and because she may one day have access to my account and will appreciate me keeping her stuff private, but I will say that every indication shows that it's for reasons we are united on.

One reason why this person is unique is because she meets all of my requirements, and also because she is familiar with MB principles and is very much a buyer. She expresses the same towards me.

ak

Have you thought about showing her MB? Did you ever follow optimism's story? He brought his GF/Fiance now wife here and they follow MB and were even on the radio a few times.

Wonderful story to follow.

Awesome! Good luck with your test, and with this lady.

So...that's a "meet in real life" scenario. Any more stories of meeting online & it worked out? I'm starting to wonder if it's just too rare to bank on.

(Anyone? Anyone? Buehler?)

Ok....so I would appreciate feedback on my profile. I am on several sites. My profile on eHarmony is pretty cut and dried as it is just answer questions and fill in the blanks. Here is what I have on my other sites. BTW...I am a female

ABOUT ME:

I do my best everyday to have nothing but positivity in my life. I am caring, honest, loving & affectionate. I like to go camping & fishing, love nature & quiet evenings, cooking or an occasional dinner out. I love being spontaneous. I'm funny but know when to be serious. I'm playful & romantic. I like to go to out-of-the-way places & explore new things. I give back 110% what I receive. All I ask for is respect, honest communication & truthfulness. I like 70's music, 'some' country, smooth Jazz & R&B. Not into hard/acid rock, head-banging music or Rap. I'm a simple woman with simple taste, not materialistic, and fairly easy to please. And I HATE shopping and spending money. lol I really do! I work hard to earn it and don't like to spend frivolously nor buy things that aren't needed. I am exactly who & what I say I am. I don't play games...I'm too old. I really want to find someone who will love me for me.

Perfect Match:

Relationships require 6 simple things: Respect, Honesty, Communication, Faithfulness, Trust & Unconditional Love. While realistically there has to be physical attraction, I look more for what is inside a person. My perfect match understands the requirements above and is honestly looking for the last love of his life. His whole mission, as is mine, is to make each other as happy as possible because we want to. Doing so brings each person more joy than they ever imagined. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to genuinely be loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason & choice, not instinct. I want to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. Love is much beyond dating & kissing. It is an amazing & soulful realization capable of incredible healing & miracles. Love is mending a broken heart & making it feel loved all over again. Love is the tears in the middle of the night with arms of your beloved wrapped around you, keeping you safe. Love is sacrifice, compromise, & understanding. Love is valuing someone�s life over one�s own. Love is the light that shines from every corner of your heart & enlightens your soul.

Ideal Date:

Late lunch or early dinner on the weekend is perfectly acceptable. Especially the one where you plan for an hour or so and 3 or 4 hours have passed in the blink of an eye and you don't want the date to end so you find something else to do to be together....like a walk in the park, the canal....something....anything....to just not let it end.

You are setting yourself up for heartache.

stilltrying, have you read the Basic Concepts here? Dr. Harley and his wife used to run a successful dating service, teaching members to meet the emotional needs of the opposite sex. They do not believe in unconditional love. It's a very dangerous idea.