Oh yeah. I forgot about that. I'll take it out. Thanks! See? That's why I posted for advice here! I want to meet the right kind of man.

stilltrying, have you listened to Dr. Harley's radio show? He's got some good advice for people in the dating scene.

I have listened to some. I will listen to more. And I just saw Prisca's sig line. Congrats on your new blessing!!

I would make it more light hearted. You don't want people to think you are too intense. People want to have fun. Intense can come later when you find the right match. First kick up your heels and laugh a lot.

After posting, you will get best results if you actively search on the site. Don't sit back and wait for people to contact you. Plan hope doesn't work for dating either! Keyword search on a sport or hobby and then read the profiles that come back as a match to see what they say about themselves. When you contact them, be sure to mention things that will show you bothered to read. Flattery will get you everywhere!

Hmmmmm....will have to think on how to lighten it up while still getting my wants/needs across.

Oh, I'm actively looking, sending messages, etc. Problem is...that I can't get them to respond back to a simple Hi, how are you? Or, I'm attracting non-attractive and old men. I'm only 53, and I'm of average build hwp. I've been told that I'm very pretty, soooooo...I can afford to be a bit choosey? SMH IDK...seems that my age range of 49-54, THEY want young things...trophies I guess.

You can't, that will never work. Just keep it light.


'Hi how are you' is never going to work. You need to say that you read his profile and noticed he was a fellow chopper pilot/Arctic explorer (delete as appropriate). Then write amusingly about what you are up to. Leave it at that.



Not at all, real men absolutely do not want trophies. They want women of their own age. The problem is that the ratio of men to women in this age group on line means they get 20 hits a day. You have to stand out.

Hey ... Can you guys explain this alpha/beta male thing? I have heard of it, but I am not quite sure what it is.

How does a woman know what she wants?

I am an engineer. My income is six figures. I am 5'6" tall, 137.5 pounds. I have a Master's degree, kids, a home, a vehicle.

Does any of this attract an alpha male, or am I too successful for them?

Dr. Harley suggests a woman should make less than a man, and you should date like minded folks. I am thinking of just being a high school math teacher next year to solve this problem.

Thoughts?

Well why be a math teacher?
Why not just hit yourself in the head with a hammer and loose half of your IQ?
That will widen your available dating pool

Tsk behave yourself Jedi.

Alpha males are attractive to and are attracted by alpha females. Don't try to be something you are not. The pool is smaller by definition.

I like the sincerity in your profile, StillTrying. And I like your "voice."

Something I focus on in my profile is that this is my "Advertisement." I'm not online to get my needs met...I'm there to "sell myself" to the right audience, my target audience. Then, when he contacts me I can decide whether he is the type of man I'm looking for. The first date usually tells me more, and so on, if I choose to continue.

So, I haven't put anything about my needs or wants in my profile. But I DO describe what I'm looking for in a man, in a light-hearted way. It's a very high standard, and men usually write me trying to convince me that they are "the One." It's pretty freaking cute.

I say very little about myself, and drop just enough bread-crumbs to be intriguing. (credit to a fellow poster for the term "bread crumbs!")

It seems to be working, because I usually receive 30-40 emails a day from men, and I've chosen to meet 22 of them in the past 6 months. BTW I do NOT look like Ms. America (nor Ms. Brazil, let me tell ya!), I am 41 and I have 3 kiddos. Anyhoo, "Sell Him in 60 seconds," is my motto.

People have short attention spans. There are thousands of women available to him at the click of the mouse. I want him to be hungry for more of ME.

Give 'em a little...they'll beg for more! Just my $.02.

My profile, in case anyone is truly bored and just needs something to help you fall asleep:

ABOUT ME AND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR:
Mostly, I would like to learn more about you!

Do you have a fun, quirky sense of humor? Then you are my dream.
If you are clean-cut, possibly with glasses, then you are especially attractive to me, so I will be on. my. guard.
Are you respectful of all people, of life? Are you thoughtful and considerate? Then you'll have to catch me, because I will swoon.

I enjoy being feminine - in an understated, classy way. I am careful to live a life of honesty and gentleness. I can be strong when necessary, and I will deeply appreciate your strength.

Finally, please give [SOMETHING] either a thumb's up or down: separating the wheat from the chaff, as it were...



(This stuff is further down, and some don't bother to read it, but I can tell the ones who DO)

FOR FUN:
I am a total nerd: I read a lot, I like documentaries and a few quirky comedies, I play piano and scrabble. I am an artist and an armchair philosopher, so I enjoy observing life and asking 'why.' I love to spend time with the people I care about!

HOT SPOTS:
I thrive on world travel, so it is difficult to narrow down my favorite place: probably a toss-up between Cairo and Zanzibar. This said, I would like to gain a greater appreciation for [MY TOWN], so if you have ideas, please share.

FAVORITE THINGS:
Laughing and enjoying the company of fascinating people.
Solving complex problems: both personal and professional.
Thoughtfully-prepared food.
Flowers. Babies. Kittens. (I'm a girl...of course I love these things! - smile)

LAST READ:
When Bad Things Happen to Good People - H Kushner. Anything that is real or 'tragic' appeals to me. My all-time favorite book is Anna Karenina, but I won't bore you by spelling out why. It's probably trite, but I love Shakespeare.

(MY PHOTOS: I make sure to write a comment on every photo. Usually I make fun of myself in them, because it's just ridiculous to have a bunch of pictures of ME in various locales, outfits, etc. Seriously. Like a Flat Stanley or something.)

...do these get erased automatically? I wish they didn't. It helps me to see other people's ideas.

Dear, I think we're ALL attracting those non-attractive and old men. I swear they're hired by the sites make us grateful in our darkest single-lady hours!! I've "no thank you'd" a few of them several times, and finally had to block them. I think they rapid-fire emails to every women online. Bless them. Please don't think their attention has anything to do with YOUR value.

I must admit, I've gone out with several men in their mid-50s (I'm 41). I did observe why one isn't dating women his age: He is less secure in himself, has some bad relationship habits, and I suspect he is looking for a woman who will "put up with" things while admiring him. Good luck with that, bub. (THAT was a total DJ! Sorry, Mid-50s dude!)

Bottom line: you CAN afford to be choosy! You don't need lots of men, you only need ONE.

I apologize I lumped IQ in with math teacher. Being a math teacher will reduce my salary. That's what I was referring to...sorry for the confusion.

I think, more critical than the words are the photos you put up.

I hear tell that one should be a close up of a smiling face, one should be full body so you can show you are not hiding anything and you should have one of you doing an activity (walking a dog or fishing or whatever) to show you like to have fun and are adorable doing it.

Men are very visual.

I think you misunderstood me, or I used tge wrong analogy.
I believe you should strive to excel and it would be wrong (as wrong as purposely dumbing yourself down by beating your head with a hhammer and causing brain damage) to stop trying to excel for the purpose of being more attractive or purpose of having a bigger dating pool.

I like your profile, Z! It's a great balance between communicating who you are/what you're looking for without actually saying THIS IS WHO I'M LOOKING FOR.
Men like playful, and brief.

I had posted my profile here a while back and it was removed, but I do hope a few people saw it and that it helped them. Because, not to pat myself on the back too hard, it was very effective.

I sincerely hope I never have to go back on any dating site. My sweet BF (who saw my profile, wrote to me and said "you really do sound awesome", which I am) and I both deleted our accounts for good. It's not even been 3 months, but he's the real deal.

Get rid of this ASAP!! Never call yourself old. 'Old' does not sound attractive (in personality even if you are physically attractive)...and is probably why you are getting old and unattractive men.

Your "ideal date" sounds old too...sorry but it does. I would get rid of "late lunch" or "early dinner"...stick with "sharing a meal" or just get rid of the words "late" and "early." When I read "early dinner", I think senior citizen early bird specials!! More reason you get old men responses.

I agree with others that you need to lighten up your profile.

Thank you all!!! Especially Zhamila! All the advice I have received is exactly what I am looking for. I have re-vamped my profiles and will do more now with the new advice. I do have the close up smiling pics as well as the ones showing my whole person having fun. Smiling in them all. I don't understand how people can think someone might message them if they are all sour faced. You guys totally rock!

Yep.