Good for you Jedi!

Do try to befriend (non-married) women too as Dr. Harley said.
You will learn a lot about women if they do not see you as a romantic interest and viceversa.
They will introduce you to new people aswell.

On the age thing:
It is most probably different if you do have children.
I am exactly your age and have dated range 21 to 33.
30+ childless singles are NOT abundantly available in these parts. I hardly meet them and if I do they make it impossible to date them. (=have a career that is absorbing them)

I am not meeting ANY divorced women with children, but that is probably due to the fact I do not have kids and not hang out in places with kids for obvious reasons.

Do not get distracted by the age thing.
The 21 yr-old I dated was more mature and interesting than some of the 26+.
Not every date has to end up in a romantic interest remember? It's OK to be just friends too!

Looking forward to read your dating stories, JEDI.
Our worlds are both literally and figuratively "worlds apart", but I can GARANTEE it's a jungle out there! ;-)
Good luck!

geroldmodel please tell me where to meet male friends? I have tried meetup groups and guys are either too into me so they want to date or think that I am into them and not interested so they won't contact. I have heard many women say it is impossible to be friends with members of the opposite sex.

A couple months ago I was at a bar and there was a guy who was friends with another guy who dancing with a woman in my party all night. I go a lot on instinct and I guess I am not dumb because I know he was interested in me and checking me out. We talked for a bit and I found out he was a teacher and I am in college to get my teaching license and he went to the college I am now enrolled at. So we had some commonalities and exchanged numbers. He seemed a bit young than I, maybe 5 years and we did not talk about anything personal, just about college, teaching etc. We exchanged numbers but I immediately decided not to call him because I did not want to lead him on....So how should i of approached that situation as not to lead lead someone on while trying to befriend them?

As a single mom ds would probably wonder why I had male friends all of a sudden, though he said one day when we were talking about friends and I mentioned i hardly talk to my old friends and one of my bff's is pregnant and doesn't want to hang out anymore, so he says 'why don't you be friends with D?' I say well that is dad's neighbor now so that would be weird' (plus d is married)he says not that D, our new neighbor D, I just said "Oh I thought you meant the other D" this new neighbor D is also married and like the other D he is home more and I interact more with him than the wife. But I am not interested in being friends with any married men! I am no spring chicken but am 10 years younger than Dhave been told I am easy on the eyes and the last thing I want is the reputation of befriending male married neighbors, that is one boundary I will not cross. Ds also said he would be okay with me dating and has brought up me getting married again a few times, without me even suggesting it. Dd is still young (2) so doesn't comprehend dating or marriage. Right now I would just be happy with some nice friends male and/or female. Dating will happen when it happens.

The kids and I have been doing well.

Today was ex ww birthday so I helped the kids make a gift (decorate a flower vase) and they will pick flowers tomorrow, and I am also baking a chocolate cake for them to bring to visitation with her tomorrow.

They all made cards for her also.

I'm working on my online dating profile and will post it on the online Dating thread for advice soon.

Ofcourse it is quite impossible to maintain a friendship for life with someone of the opposite sex, but that does not mean you cannot be friends for a while.

My best female friend (26 yrs old) is very good at making new friends.
Ofcourse some of these male friends are interested in dating her, but she maintains her boundaries by being very frank about not wanting to date them romanticly (for now).
She is very pro-active and not too shy to call/FB these guys to hang out.

Her strategy is to befriend people with the same recreational activity.
For her it's music, but that could be anything I guess...

Well, I was up late watching a movie. Sick child in bed and I have a lack of aleep sleep for the past couple days. The movie features a man whose wife had an affair right in the beginning.

I hate affair plots. But they are very prominent in movies because they are prominent in life and marriage.
I sometimes watch the Steve Wilkos show, which usually features those whom Dr Harley refers to as "renters." Cheating is present in those relationships as well.

I've registered for the online POF website, without success.
The fact is I am 35 years old (soon to be 36) and had sex with 2 women.
My marriage was mostly sexless, and I feel deficient.

Dr Harley once mentioned on his radio show that Socrates longed for old age to loose his sex drive. I replaced my sex drive with a business.
I lost the business during my divorce but found a purpose in life.

I think of the great tragedies caused by my ex wifes affair.
I don't understand why she made her decisions.

I would like to have a beautiful intelligent woman to share my life with but I feel stuck in a rut

Dude,

I know how you feel. Like you, I'm serious about faith, family, and marriage. I've been divorced 10 months now and it's hard to find a worthy date. I've seen 2 different women a few times, and while it's exciting at first you quickly realize that they have their own issues, and in some ways it's even more stressful.

Let me explain. The first girl was very pretty, and she is a believer, but no boundaries. She talked to her ex daily and he controlled her. On day she called and said her ex was freaking out that she was seeing me and wanted to reconcile. I told her that if she has a shot to get her family back together she should go for it. I gave her the boundaries book and HNHN and haven't really talked to her since.

The second girl is nice enough. Her ex was emotionally abusive so she left him. I can't figure out if she us a buyer, and I don't think she is as serious as I am about faith/God/church.

I still talk to her, but I don't think she is the one for me so I need to tell her and move on, trouble is that she is meeting some of my needs and I think she likes me and don't want to hurt her, but I'm not going to be dishonest and use her.

There is a third girl from church, but she moved away right after her divorce so I haven't spent any time with her.. We talk a lot and I adore her, but she isn't healed up yet, and she is 4000 miles away.

So the point I'm making is that dating can be very stressful, perhaps even more stressful than being single. I know that you are wanting some of your needs met, but be careful not to let yourself get too desperate, as it's a turnoff and it will cause even more trouble.

I think the best thing is to work hard on you, write a really good profile, then just work on talking to other women, but not trying to meet them. Another thing you can do is start taking to women at the grocery store, but don't limit it to single girls you are attracted to, all women. Not to be rude or inappropriate, but to get more comfortable with women in general. When the cashier asks how you are doing, tell her great, and ask how she is doing. When she answers tease her or ask more questions.

I've only been with one girl my entire life. I'm waiting on #2. She is going to be amazing. In the mean time, I'm starting to get comfortable complementing a girl on her hair style or dress, then walk away. It helps me feel comfortable with the situation I'm in, it brightens someone's day, and I've gotten a few looks and complements back.

Hope that helps.

I took my kids to the skate rink today; and encountered two women.

The first woman was about 25 or so and very attractive.
As I observed I was attracted to her, I asked myself: Why?
She has tattoes, which I dont find attractive. (Although I philosophically am not opposed to tattoes)
She had a great figure, a nice butt.
And she was the best skater in the rink.
I spoke with her briefly and she told me she is on a roller derby team and this is their off season.
So, I concluded I was attracted to her because she had a great body, and was a great skater.

The second lady I encountered was formerly a member of my church; her husband was a famiky counselor / associate pastor in the church and under very concealed reasons they left the church and he was dismissed from his job. Their divorce Is in the courts.
She is abt 45 and I said hello to her and her kids.
I found her attractive (although I certainly maintained full boundaries and would never tell her)
I asked myself; Why? She is physically attractive but older than I.

This made me question, What causes attraction?
I read of Dt Harleys experiment in college with measuring attravtiveness and all the students had different standards.
But I wonder, Why do I find a woman's buttox more appealing than their breasts?
Is the attraction a learned behavior? Or inherent?

Has Dr Harley ever spoke on this?

Oh I should clarify that Atlas Shrugged did help me realize that I was attravted to suffering.
After reading Atlas I guard myself against that.

I ask myself, What values do I find attractive?

But as with the case of most, my first attravtiveness is always based on physical

Does not matter why you find a woman attractive. I do not like tattoos on woman. Though I have found some woman to be attractive that do have tattoos.

We have preferences as to what we like. To me attractiveness is based on the total appearance of the woman. Not her individual assets.

There are all types of things we find attractive in other people.

People are each unique.

Their combination of traits make them that way.

Scent is important too. So is sound of their voice, etc.

As we know from marriagebuilders concepts.......someone can meet your needs and become WAY more attractive to you than otherwise.

Well this is an update to my post on page 36:
This is an email I sent to our church pastor today. The woman's daughter has been coming to church wed nights and she started to come. On my part, I have kept my boundaries high with her.

Pastor
,I would like to inform you of a matter:
After Wed Night class, Lady (who has two daughters - dd (age 8) and dd(age 2) approached me and asked for assistance. She is pregnant and felt dizzy.

She called a nurse from the church and the nurse told her to go to the hospital.�
I took dd8 home with me and Church Member drove Lady and dd2 to Hospital 1. She was then transferred to Hospital 2.
�I went to visit Lady today in the Hospital and she told me that the unborn child (7 mos) has non functioning kidneys. There is no amniotic fluid.�

She was understandably very emotionally distraught. I prayed with her and encouraged her to reach out to the Hospital patient advocate or chaplain for assistance in coming up with a plan on how to be prepared for when the child is born.

�She relayed a conversation she had with you regarding marriage. She said that you told her God intends marriage for some and single life for others.
�I want to make sure you understand that she is legally married.�I suspect she is hiding from the husband, dd8 father.�Dd2 is from the same on and off boyfriend as the unborn child.�Dd8 does not attend public school and last night she told me that her mom is worried someone will kidnap her so she isn't allowed to sleep in her own room; she must sleep with the mother.�

During the hospital visit, Lady told me that "everyone I meet is somehow against me" and several other similar statements.

�I think she could probably benefit from seeing a psychologist.�I try to include dd8 in events that I take my kids to; However, I maintain very high boundaries around the mother.�

I hope this information may be helpful to you in your interactions with her.�Hopefully if she attends more Wed Night classes a lady can reach out to her and become a peer role model. Perhaps you may consider asking a lady to reach out to her.

�Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns. Its a very unfortunate and complicated situation and I am concerned for the family

Assuming that there is no equivalent homeschooling going on here, isn't school attendance compulsory in your state? Or is it only an issue with the state when they know about it?

Is that child literate? You might ask her to read something the next time you get a chance.

I think she can read because she and my daughter read books to themselves that evening. Then again, she may just be looking at the pages.

Ill try to read with her next time she's here.

A lady in Sunday School class told me she was the girls public school teacher last year.
She said that it is a bizarre mother.
She said she will email the District to see if the proper homeschool papers were submitted.
She also said that she thinks social services had the girls at one point and wouldnt release them and that's why the grandmother was living with them.
But now the grandmother is in florida...

And there's more. ...

The childrens minister (a lady) spoke with me after the class and said that apparently the woman left her 2 year old just running around last Wed early evening: she brought her d8 to dance class and also dropped off the 2 yr old. However Wed night there is no care for young toddlers available! And she left the church for an hour! The minister told her she can't do that again. She told me if she does she will call Social Services.

She also instructed me and the church van driver that we are not to be alone with the mother and reminded us there must always be 2 adults in the church van.

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Well tomorrow is my birthday.
36 years old.
I spent half of the day hiking with my kids.
I'm very happy to see that develop well in a safe loving home.
I reeived a birthday card from my grandmother which was very kind and wishes from an older cousin far away.

Its been a little more than 2 years since my ex wufea affair, a little more than a year since divorce.
But I've been ao very happy lately having NO contact with her.
I tried the limited contact but going no contact is so freeing.
I go running while the kids visit her on Sunday and I smile and love life so much.

I will be honest and say that sometimes I feel lonely.
It is nice to have a companion.

I'm so very thankful for dr Harley and MB and all of you dear people that have posted to me over the past couple years.
I love Dr Harley. I love the valuues he promotes and lives by, and don't know where I would be if I did not stumble upon his book, Surviving An Affair when I searched the internet in desperation for how to deal with my wife's affair.

Thank you very much.
Ill ckick Notify Mod and they should exchange our email addressea.
Thank you!

tomorrow.

you are very welcome have a very happy birthday!!!