Why do you say that?

i say that because i did not expect it to happen so soon and did not exactly plan how it was going to happen (ie. With restraining order)

You aren't in Plan B!

Plan B is very structured and closed off. It isn't possible for it to be 'unplanned'.

I would say 'stay in Plan A' but Plan A is the least of your concerns. You need to protect your children!! I don't understand how you can keep going off to work and leaving them in crisis to be collected by lord knows who. Would you do this if the house was unsafe?

Does your supervisor know that your wife is violent and in an affair? Have you even asked for some time to deal with this? Can you get your parents or someone (not your in laws) to protect them when you do go to work? Can you get.a babysitter or childminder?

What would you do if the house was flooding/on fire/falling in and you needed either time or help to get the kids somewhere safe?

Would you say: "I've got no personal time left, I've got to go to work"?

You'd ask for time and help and call it an emergency wouldn't you?

So why not now?

I am working on childcare. I will get kids tonight and don't have to go back to work until Wednesday at 6pm. You say stay in plan A while I'm going through this. I have been reading the book and am doing the best I can on plan A, while not really communicating to her, except through texts to arrange transfer of kids. I tried to return the iphone at the store but couldn't because they needed her debit card. Phone was reset though before I realized this and all of my daughters game apps and contacts were lost. I will try to be as honest with daughter as I can about why I tried to return it, and deal with her being upset the best I can. Wife wants phone back because it is in her name. Would getting it back be best for plan A since were are now committed to the service contract?

Also what about transferring money into joint bank account? I imagine she will take it out as fast as I put it in. I did put some in yesterday as she had the kids and all food is at my house.

Am I getting too caught up in details? Please let me know. I do want to plan A as best I can despite the circumstances.

Nope, you are not getting too caught up in details! You are thinking strategically which is GREAT. A very hard feat under these circumstances. I would move your money so she can't get her hands on it. She will wipe you out.

I don't really have an opinion on the phone. You might want to just give it back to her. You have enough conflict as it is without adding the issue of the phone.

I can't improve on ML's advice, moving the money is a good call (always protect the money and protect yourself legally). I don't think the phone really matters. The only thing that matters in Plan A is that you behave like a reasonable spouse who loves her but stands up to the A.

Note I said 'reasonable' not that you live up to whatever unreasonable waffle the wayward is spouting.

I suggest you install some games, and secret spyware.
Try to communicate with her more.
In fact I would say text is disabled

I went to the court to amend the temporary restraining order and added prior history of domestic violence that was not on the original. One incident was very similar to what happened last wee and a few other incidents that were not as intense. I was not able to change the custody at this time. The hearing officer told me that would be addressed at the hearing in two days. I will have my kids until then, but my wife asked to see them for a bit at the park after work today. I told her I would let her know. I will call the police to ask them if this does happen can I be present. The RO only keeps her from my home and work and says she may not follow or stalk me, not that we cannot be in the same place at the same time.

The transfer of kids last night back to me did not go well. We met in a parking lot outside my wife's meeting. While my wife and I were talking my daughter discovered that the iphone was reset and went crazy. She tried to run away. I eventually got her in the car and home, but took her a long time to calm down. The transition back to me was very difficult. The kids had calmed down after being with me for the few days last week. I will tell my wife I don�t think it is a god idea to see them tonight if they are coming back to my house for the night.

I am confused. It looks as if any chance of me getting custody I have to finalize the restraining order. How can I stay in plan A when we are separated by restraining order?

Well you can Plan A while separated.
Tranquil called Dr Harley and asked him this specific question on the Radio Show. Hopefully someone can post a link to that call, several months ago

At this point I think you should focus on your kids and securing custody.

Get custody any way I can?

Do you think I should let her see the kids at park while I am in attendance, if police say that is allowed according to restraining order.

If the Police say that it does not violate the restraining order, then going to the park would be a good opportunity to make Love Bank deposits.
But don't just be "in attendance"
Be an active participant: try to talk to her, play with the kids, maybe bring her a cup of coffee ?

Avoid love busters such as disrespectful judgements and angry outbursts and Keep THE VOICE RECORDER ON YOU AT ALL TIMES

As for custody, yes. I think your main focus should be getting custody as a stable structure for the kids
This may be your best opportunity with the restraining order.
You may want to email Dr Harley for advice on this.

Considering your WW violent behaviour recently and that you have a court hearing in 2 days I would suggest not going to the park. Your WW is desperate and is a fully foggy WW so I would not risk anything happening before the court date.

I suggest putting any plan A on hold until the court hearing is over and you secure your kids. Right now they are your priority and the way you have described their behaviour I am deeply concerned about their welfare.

Now she is pushing me to give up the kids to her til morning. I told hel that they would stay here. All of their belongings and food are here.

Does anyone know if since we both have custody if I have to give the kids up to her if she wants to see them? I think I am safe as long as I am in the house since she can not come here. Not able to get a hold of my attorney right now.

Good Plan Aing tends to involve presenting a pretty picture of 'what could be' while letting them feel the full impact of 'what'll happen if you keep acting so dumb'.

If it were me, I'd simply tell her you would LOVE to have her home with the kids, but that can't happen until her A is over and she is in better control of her temper.

Handing the kids over won't benefit you at all because (not only is it very unsafe) but her entire game plan circles around a family with you cut out of it. Keep yourself very central.

I'd just tell her that you and the kids have plans (paint a very rosy picture if you can that will make her feel very left out). Say things aren't formalised yet and she has to wait for court. If she complains say it wasn't your decision to split up the family and you are just keeping things stable while this goes through.

Then I'd do something with the kids to Plan A from afar, like make a picture for her or something that you can send her a photo of (if the kids want to). Remind her that no one else is ever going to be their dad.

Did you get custody added to your restraining order? I would not hand the kids over to her. She doesn't have a HOME and you have no idea where she would take them. Tell her you are going to let the courts handle the custody issue from here on out.