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Originally Posted by JustMe385
I think he is MB material. I've never talked to him about this site specifically, but we've had our POJA moments and they've happened naturally because it's just the right thing to do. He does exhibit "buyer" behavior as well. It's been so easy with him ... as they say, when you know, you know.

Nice! That's great smile


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
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AK,
I really hope you send her a message, if only to say "You literally made me laugh out loud - thanks for that."

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Originally Posted by JustMe385
AK,
I really hope you send her a message, if only to say "You literally made me laugh out loud - thanks for that."

x2

Good idea! And if you throw in a joke of your own, well all the better. smile

I'll never forget the guy who sent me an email response to my "give Monty Python either a thumbs up or down," with:


I'm a lumberjack.
But it's ok.


I lol'd, and we dated for 1.5 months. He still makes me laugh.


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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So, a (male) friend told me his theory of online dating sites:

- Every person believes they are about a 20% "greater catch" than they actually are.
- Potential mates are judged based upon, "I'm 20% better than the general population."
- Dates are scrutinized and found lacking, not "as good as I am."
- Hence, horror stories abound about the boorish, stupid, insensitive, idiotic, ugly and bottom-of-the-barrel people we've met.
- We feel justified in our superiority and remain alone.
- We continue to troll the site, hoping for someone "worthy of our greatness."
- The Website continues to make $$ on our futile search.
- Eventually we tire of the game and settle for someone less-than-ideal (?perhaps?)


Kind of makes me wonder....could this be true?


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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That is a gross generalization and as far as those go, it sounds reasonable, but I don't think it's totally true. I've met a few ladies that are a catch, just not what I'm looking for.

I suppose it depends on your view of dating. If it's simply to find someone that meets your needs that enjoys the way you meet theirs, then I don't think your friend's theory is the case, but if you are looking for the trophy spouse then yea, I can totally see it.

Perhaps this I thinking is rooted in the instant gratification or society runs on.

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Z, I think that folks are just getting better at not settling. Because look where that got us, back to step 1 years later. It sounds a lot like Dr. H's suggestion to date 30 to learn about yourself, what ENs you're good at meeting, what ENs you like met. Then they can look back and see who really stood out. And meanwhile maybe one was such a great fit that dating others wasn't so appealing anymore.


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I agree ak, I think the instant gratification thing is huge.

As I look back over my experiences, I did meet a few catches - just not for me. In fact, one of them is engaged now.

But not everybody has the same experience online, and I met my share of colorful folks too. Getting "attention" has so much to do with appearance (1000's of comparisons at the click of a button, all ages), and you practically have to be a writer to say anything that stands out from the crowd. But I suppose real-live hanging in bars isn't much better. I've heard so many people tell jaded stories with weary eyes, and sometimes I wonder.

(sigh) Oh for an old-fashioned square dance and barn raising! When the men came a-courtin at the Widow Smith's after a respectable period of mourning. Those were the good old days. wink


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Z, I think that folks are just getting better at not settling. Because look where that got us, back to step 1 years later. It sounds a lot like Dr. H's suggestion to date 30 to learn about yourself, what ENs you're good at meeting, what ENs you like met. Then they can look back and see who really stood out. And meanwhile maybe one was such a great fit that dating others wasn't so appealing anymore.

I hope so NED! grin

My girlfriend was excited at first to find someone to "date" but now she realizes she's not really into him. She stays with him because it's easier than getting back out there. And another friend told me "maybe he'll never find someone he's really crazy about," he's tired of dating and just might marry his latest squeeze out of sheer exhaustion. If I think about it, the majority of my single friends aren't really "into" their dating partners, but they stay. It's a shame. frown


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
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Like you said before though, that can be okay if there was an initial spark there. Maybe you'll set such an awesome example that they'll want to try some of that relationship building stuff, too smile I think the key is whether they will make that transition from Renters, doing only the minimum because they see their partners as only minimal, to Buyers, who see the long term benefits of making the most of their situation.


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Originally Posted by Zhamila
(sigh) Oh for an old-fashioned square dance and barn raising! When the men came a-courtin at the Widow Smith's after a respectable period of mourning. Those were the good old days. wink

Well, I've decided to have a ball! I have a 4000sf house so I'm going to have my servants decorate it with lights, order up a feast, and hire some musicians. We will announce everyone's name (and status) as they arrive, and I naturally will arrive last after everyone has sufficient time to discuss how I earn more than 10k a month, and explore my 5 bedroom home.

The men will discuss my rank (job), my accomplishments (I'm building a new airplane in my garage), and will desire to earn my respect, and the women will swoon at my ability to provide for myself and family, my diligence towards accomplishing the goals I have for my self, my manors and generosity towards them, and naturally my incredibly good looks.

I'll invite my closest friends to evaluate any potential matches, who will pay close attention to the beauty, sense of humor, wit, charm, maturity, and intelligence of any woman I am interested in, that is, if there are any.

What an interesting thought experiment. It is interesting to me because that is more or less how it was done in England (well so I'm lead to believe, I wasn't there), but I doubt it would go well these days as it would be viewed as prideful and arrogant. The funny part is that what I wrote is true, except I'm average to above average looking, I don't have any servants, and I toned down the income a bit.

It makes me wonder if things aren't really all that much different, and that what women really want is a great man who can provide comfort and security, has ambitions and goals, is secure in who he is and what he wants from life, is well respected, is full of integrity and ethics, who she can partner with, and push to achieve even greater levels of success together with him.

If I am right, how does this man find this woman, and how does she find this man? Online dating is starting to sound woefully inadequate.

ak




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Originally Posted by Zhamila
So, a (male) friend told me his theory of online dating sites:

- Every person believes they are about a 20% "greater catch" than they actually are.
- Potential mates are judged based upon, "I'm 20% better than the general population."
- Dates are scrutinized and found lacking, not "as good as I am."
- Hence, horror stories abound about the boorish, stupid, insensitive, idiotic, ugly and bottom-of-the-barrel people we've met.
- We feel justified in our superiority and remain alone.
- We continue to troll the site, hoping for someone "worthy of our greatness."
- The Website continues to make $$ on our futile search.
- Eventually we tire of the game and settle for someone less-than-ideal (?perhaps?)


Kind of makes me wonder....could this be true?


Here's an article written by a co-founder of OK Cupid on why its not a good idea to pay for online dating sites

http://www.columbia.edu/~jhb2147/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html

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I found some guidelines on how to write a profile here:

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/online-dating-101

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Recommend you limit your search to a radius of no more than 10 miles from where you live. Avoids all kinds of potential problems and makes the 30 dates rule a lot easier!


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Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Like you said before though, that can be okay if there was an initial spark there. Maybe you'll set such an awesome example that they'll want to try some of that relationship building stuff, too smile I think the key is whether they will make that transition from Renters, doing only the minimum because they see their partners as only minimal, to Buyers, who see the long term benefits of making the most of their situation.

NED, you're always so wise smile


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Originally Posted by ak1
Originally Posted by Zhamila
(sigh) Oh for an old-fashioned square dance and barn raising! When the men came a-courtin at the Widow Smith's after a respectable period of mourning. Those were the good old days. wink

Well, I've decided to have a ball! I have a 4000sf house so I'm going to have my servants decorate it with lights, order up a feast, and hire some musicians. We will announce everyone's name (and status) as they arrive, and I naturally will arrive last after everyone has sufficient time to discuss how I earn more than 10k a month, and explore my 5 bedroom home.

The men will discuss my rank (job), my accomplishments (I'm building a new airplane in my garage), and will desire to earn my respect, and the women will swoon at my ability to provide for myself and family, my diligence towards accomplishing the goals I have for my self, my manors and generosity towards them, and naturally my incredibly good looks.

I'll invite my closest friends to evaluate any potential matches, who will pay close attention to the beauty, sense of humor, wit, charm, maturity, and intelligence of any woman I am interested in, that is, if there are any.

What an interesting thought experiment. It is interesting to me because that is more or less how it was done in England (well so I'm lead to believe, I wasn't there), but I doubt it would go well these days as it would be viewed as prideful and arrogant. The funny part is that what I wrote is true, except I'm average to above average looking, I don't have any servants, and I toned down the income a bit.

It makes me wonder if things aren't really all that much different, and that what women really want is a great man who can provide comfort and security, has ambitions and goals, is secure in who he is and what he wants from life, is well respected, is full of integrity and ethics, who she can partner with, and push to achieve even greater levels of success together with him.

If I am right, how does this man find this woman, and how does she find this man? Online dating is starting to sound woefully inadequate.

I want to go! I do think the old fashioned balls would've been fun. Except - you know - those were the pre-deodorant days...


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
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Originally Posted by Zhamila
I want to go! I do think the old fashioned balls would've been fun. Except - you know - those were the pre-deodorant days...

That's ok, I don't smell either. Didn't I mention that? shocked

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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Here's an article written by a co-founder of OK Cupid on why its not a good idea to pay for online dating sites

http://www.columbia.edu/~jhb2147/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html

Both of those were great articles. Thanks Jedi!!


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

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Originally Posted by ak1
Originally Posted by Zhamila
I want to go! I do think the old fashioned balls would've been fun. Except - you know - those were the pre-deodorant days...

That's ok, I don't smell either. Didn't I mention that? shocked

What a relief! Glad you can't smell...because I DO. rotflmao


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I've rewritten my dating profile which i created last year with little or no effect (a paid datingsite).

I've added a picture this time and was more explicit in what I am looking for: to meet intelligent woman who are open and honest.

From that moment on I am receiving one email per week!

Since I am still in Asia for at least another month, this creates an opportunity & a topic for e-mail conversation.

Did not expect response like this...

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I just came back here after some time away. I am surprised that my post has resulted in so many replies!

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