I've been really busy lately and unable to post. I am still surviving, although, sometimes it is questionable. I haven't been on this forum for very long, only about 3 weeks, but really appreciate everyones help.<P>Update time, I have only known about the affair for about 4 weeks. He has moved in with her. He continues to call every 2 days to see how we are doing. Our daughter, 5 yrs old, refuses to talk to him on the phone.<P>Everytime I talk to him, I ask him how he is doing and he tells me he is tired. Then when I asked him if he was happy, he says "I don't know how I feel now". Is this a sign that things are not what he had anticipated? Or am I reading too much into things he says? He did the same thing last night.<P>I tell him every time we talk that he can always come home. He says "I can't do that". Is this his guilt? I am not good at reading between the lines, of course, or we wouldn't have been in this position in the first place.<P>He cries when dd says she doesn't want to talk to him. Their relationship has always been perfect. I am so surprised that he didn't consider her feelings when he decided to move out. I don't want him to come home only for dd, but we all want him to come home. When I ask dd if she wants to see him she says "Not until he comes home and loves US again". I always reassure her that he will always love her, but she isn't believing it. Will his feelings for her impact him to make the decision to come home? How will that affect our relationship?<P>One of the problems he had was that I wasn't working and bringing any money into the home. I didn't know that was a problem until after I found out about the affair. He always said he wanted me home with the kids. Well, now I have a job. I haven't said anything to him about it.Should I? I don't want him to come home just because I am helping to support us. I am just so lost, don't know what to do or what to say. I don't want to alienate him, I just want him to realize this is not the way to handle this and come home.<P>Any help would be appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Thanks.

mitme,<BR>I think you have to tell him, between his daughter missing him and you're having to work, perhaps reality will hit him upside the head and realize what he has done.<P>Hang in there and God Bless!

mitme,<P>Since he is still calling every two days, sounds to me like he is 'conflicted', and very confused. I would see this as a good sign as it appears he is still emotionally connected with you and the kids.<P>I'm assuming he was the one who initiated the separation by moving out, thus forcing you immediately into Plan B. All you can really do at this point is control your actions. You can't control what he does. When he calls, just be as factual and polite as possible (no lovebusting). I wouldn't give out any more information, than is absolutely necessary. <P>You mentioned that prior to the affair, he wanted you to stay at home, then you found out later that not working was a problem. Well, many times, when a spouse's affair is discovered, they will say some pretty irrational things in an attempt to save face, or justify their horrendous actions.<P>Hopefully, it won't take long for him to see OW's true colors. It's hard to continue living in fantasyland when the warts suddenly start to show.<P>Stay strong, & hang in there.

Thanks so much for the replies. I really feel like he is beginning to realize that this is not the best thing for him to do, however he is feeling so guilty that he can'f face me. I have not seen him one time face to face since this all came out. He will avoid me like the plague, thus avoiding our dd. When he says he can't come home, I think he is doing that because he can't forgive himself and he doesn't see how I can forgive him. I am hoping and praying that he will see that he needs to be home with his family and get through this together. I feel much better when the continues to call us. Last night he called and I was gone, so I called him. When he answered I just said "You called?" He said "I wanted to see how you were doing". I hope this means he really does want to know how we are doing. Lately, I have been responding "I really don't know at this point" but the next time he calls I am want to tell him we aren't doing very good but I am afraid that will just turn him away more, if he thinks we are depending on him. I am just not good at this, I am afraid to say anything for fear he will take it wrong. Every word may be the wrong one. <P>Thanks for the help.<BR>