We have been married for nine years and blessed with three wonderful children aged nine, five and three. We dated for almost three years before we got married. When I met her, she was barely eighteen and I was twenty-one years old.

About three years into our marriage, I found out she was having an affair with an ex. You can imagine what I went through, she was the only woman I was ever intimate with and this discovery of the affair broke my heart. I decided it was best we ended the marriage and sent her back to her parents. Her parents begged and I accepted to take her back with all the remorse and assurances that this incident will never occur again, her mother even stated that if it happened again, she would personally come for her stuff.

We tried to work on our marriage and everything was fine. We had a son the following year and another son two years later in 2010. Fast forward to February 2013, I suspected she was having an affair again. I asked her about it and she denied it until I got hold of her phone and chat records and she couldnt deny anymore. Turns out she's been seeing her ex for about a year and another guy on the side. I was more than convinced that she clearly wasnt in love with me. She was telling all her friends how much she loves the ex and willing to get back to him.

Her aunty and a pastor came to beg of me, not to call it quits but to give her the last chance to make things right, if for nothing at all for the sake of the kids who are still very young. I clearly stated that based on the evidence I have, she clearly doesnt love me and I couldnt trust her again. The pastor was going to take her through counselling and she would reform. She took up bible classes at church and we worked together to get her to commit more to the marriage. I lost my mom a couple of months later and it was such a difficult period for me.

October 2013, I began having suspicions again that she was on to something, I got some information from her phone which points to her spending a lot of time with some guy so I asked her about it and naturally she denied it even with the evidence I presented. So I called her aunty who had plead on her behalf in February to tell her about it, and I asked her(my wife) what she really wants, me and the kids or this guy(who apparently is also married and has two kids). And she said we(myself and the kids) always come first in all her dealings. A week after this confrontation and I found out she had actually gone ahead and consummated the affair... and not only that... there was another affair at the same time with her friends husband(her own confession)...I was shattered. Clearly she doesnt want to stay married, so this time I am more than convinced we have to end it. Once again she is sorry and all that...but I am not having it. I am gonna take the kids and hopefully I can give them a better life.

Dr Harley would encourage you to expose her affairs

JJ,

Sorry for your torment, but before you divorce please try exposure what do you have to lose?

God Bless
Gamma

I only exposed to my children and one close friend mainly because I did not want my mother to be traumatised in her old age. Boy was that a bad decision!

a) my mother found out anyway and was heartbroken that I had not confided in her

b) my XH went around telling everyone that the divorce was my fault and that he was a wonderful man who been abandoned.

In the absence of information to the contrary, they all bought into his story. He even had the nerve to show up to my mother's funeral as the bereaved son in law where he was consoled by a number of my friends.