Just found out while my wife just had an affair.
While i was gone out of state. She said one night she got out of bed and went to the guest room and started to mAke out with her best friend(guy).she said no sex but just making out. She said he didn't want to do it but finally gave in.
So with that I been here is back info. This guy been her friend for few years. One night I found inappropriate pic of him on her phone. We talked and gave her another chance.
So next few years there friendship didn't pass the eye and smell test.
She lied about bring at his house, lied about meeting up with him.
She just kept saying relax nothing happening we are just friends.
So back to the affair . He was staying at our house cause he was recovering from prep medication addiction. That why he was there. I saw his phone this and looked his text and saw my wife numerous text. Satin how she us so in love with him, how she laid next to him while he slept, how maybe by spring he can let go and love her, how this is last night together before I come home, how she needs loving too.
Confronted him he said made out no sex. Wife said same thing and the text were just fanasty and nothing else.
I was and still devastated, even after this I want to stay married .
Problem now is this . She said it was just a kiss and a horrible mistake. But she wants to maintain his friendship. I told her I can't move on with him in the picture. She says I'm punishing him. She said she the one at fault not him. I said it takes too. Told her I can't not trust you too together again and I can not move forward if he's friends with you. She said she doesn't know if she can give that friendship up. Also she says it's not fair to our kids who he babysits. I told her you made that choice when you walked in the room. She did say she took an ambient which makes her horny. She says she doesn't know why she did this.
My question is am I asking to much of him going away???
She says she's loves me. She did say it's BS cop out that angry cause it was him. And if a stranger i wouldn't. If a stranger I would be hurt but it would be easier to move on cause
It wasn't a person I knew.
She also said she's been unhappy last 6 months. And it doesn't have to do with me
Reasons
1. She had major surgery and no friends checked on her except this guy.
She was very very upset with that. Her other BF didn't come by.
2. She doesn't know why and trying to figure that out.

She did tell me she gave herself tell Xmas break to make a decision on our marriage

I told her it's his friendship or me. Can't have both.
Is this wrong of me?
Thanks

Sir please read this article:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

I forgot to add two things
1. When I suspected her sneaking over his place which I said don't go
I put a tracking device in her car. She was busted and I told her about the device. Other day she says she hasn't forgiven for this and it's worse then her affair.

2. We had amazing conversation other night ended
Bad when I said I'll do anything to move forward with our marriage.
She said ok and asked to see my phone
Said ok, she said delete texted sage I sent to his aunts ( we are close friends with them) I did . The she said delete all the pic I took of her text to him. I said no and she was anger and said that's all I needed to know. Your not ready to move on she said.

3. Text message she told me she loves me not Him and didn't mean it.
She says she it was fantasy texting

4. She told will be sad cause she invited him to thanksgiving and I told him not to
pls don't call My wife or text
I need you out of the picture totally.
If she calls or text you need to ignore it or text her to leave you alone.
I can't fix what you guys did with you in the picture

I always give into her. This time I'm remaing firm
Him or me,
She says kids will miss him and be heartbroken.

Sir did you read the article I posted?

I think this is why she wanted you to have a vasectomey.
She's not in love with you and doesn't want to have your children.
She wants to have sex with the affair partner

AKGary, welcome to Marriage Builders. The thing you need to understand is that your wife is having a sexual affair with this friend and has been sleeping with him for a long time. The affair has gone on for a very long time.

What you should do is demand that she NEVER see him again. You should expose the affair wide and far. To your family, your children, her family, friends, and to his family. Please go read my exposure thread.

Additionally, going out of town is an invitation to an affair, so please don't spend the night apart again.

I agree that she has been tricking you for a long time. And it time for that to stop. Allowing her to do this has almost destroyed your marriage. Your children have been exposed to this affair for a long time and are probably very confused. They are wondering why it is ok for mommy to have a boyfriend. I would sit them down and explain that their mommy is having an affair with this bad man and explain why affairs are wrong. They should also be coached to call you immediately if they see him coming into the house.

Agree with Gloveoil that the OM should be told you will call the police and file a restraining order on him if he comes to your home. He has played you and your children for fools for a long time. Time to put a stop to that.

Does the OM live close by? If so, you might want to consider moving. She is very addicted to this creep.

Lives close yes. My kids 7x2and a 12yo
I spoke with him and told him leave and no contact with family ..
He said ok, but she's the one I think will still reach out to him.
She's so upset he won't be here today for dinner and this weekend to take my young ones to a basketball game.
I leave town tonight with my oldest

DR Harley would encourage you to expose this affair to family and friends immediately.

Also please read the article I posted

If you take that trip, you are giving the affair a green light. Is a basketball game worth that?

Very bad idea to leave town!!