I know for certain that I must have a healthy partner.
I am not attracted to obese women on a physical level.
Unfortunately, we shared many similar values but physical healtg is important to me.

It may help you to look at it in terms of how Dr. Harley classifies it as deposits/withdrawals.

Her weight will be a withdrawal for you. She can fill you up with IC and affection, but may not beable to fill you up with RC. You will have to evaluate to see how she is truly draining your lovebank.

I am currently seeing someone who is short. It bothers me. Mostly because I like my platform heels. I am at his height when I wear them. I haven't decided yet how this will drain me. It drains me some, but not at the same level as the LOVEBUSTERS. I honestly believe he has the potential to fill me up with IC, RC, and affection, and his height will barely drain me so it could work.

I think it is great that you mentioned weight. Most women don't get it, and most feel it is shallow. It isn't ... it is a huge drain on a man's lovebank if he doesn't find his woman attractive. Weight is a huge part to this.

The key is she willing to do something about it? Her habits are going to tell you if she can change. Anyone has the ability to change if they want ... it is simply building better habits.

I know I will not marry a man who doesn't care for himself. I don't want to be in my 50's nursing someone already. I want to be in my 50's with an activity level of a teenager. I will not entertain a man who will not be active. By now (late 30's) their habits are going to tell me what I am dealing with.

It is okay to keep her as a friend also. Just because she doesn't do it for you romantically doesn't mean you can't be friends. Why not see if you can have that conversation with her?

If she choses to not move forward then so be it ... you learned something. If she does, then you have gained a good friend!!!

That's why the suggestion is to date 30 people, so you get an idea of what ENs you are good at filling and how and what ENs you would like met and how.

I went to my grandmother's house when I was a kid. She had nuts in a bowl by her chair. While I waited for her to come out of her room, I helped myself to some of her nuts. She took a long time to come out so I kept helping myself.

When she finally got into living room she greeted me with a hug. I hugged her back and said, "Hi Grandma! I hope you don't mind, but I finished all of your nuts."

She replied, "Oh, those were actually chocolate covered nuts. I had my false teeth out, and so I couldn't finish the nut part."

Well, that's dating, right? The chocolate and the nut. It's not only the inside that counts.

I've heard Dr. Harley and Joyce talk about looks, and how that is one of the most challenged principals they put out there. Joyce likes to say its not the way the person looks as much as it is how they take care of their appearances. In this case, if you are put off by obesity or heaviness, then it simply won't work for you.

Sorry Jedi. It's not fun going through this kind of thing for either of you.

But......Jedi......you DID have fun getting back into the game!

Yay!

Keep on trying with people. Be open to love working out for you.

I wrote her this letter:

Dear ,

I have deeply enjoyed getting to know you over the past weeks.
However I do not believe we would be compatible in a long term relationship.
I wish you the very best. Sincerely



Jedi

THIS IS A DRAFT. IF THER IS SOMETHING ELSE I SHOULD INCLUDE LET ME KNOW

Jedi, I think you did well. A complaint is always a love bank withdrawal, so of course she wasn't happy about it. It doesn't sound like she's going to be willing to live a philosophy of extraordinary care.

Get right back up on that bicycle and keep trying, though! i.e., keep dating and looking for relationships.

Oops, no, she's mistaken. You don't believe in sacrifice, at least not in a marriage relationship. I may be reading too much into this, but it sounds like she's looking for sacrifice as proof of love, i.e., change how you feel about it instead of her changing her behavior.

I wouldn't have a deep discussion with her about it; I'd just note that she's not the one for you.


Translation: she's offended that you find physical attractiveness important. She's posting disrespectful comments about it on Facebook. Ouch!

I'm 5'6", and I would be deathly thin if I were to weigh 120 lbs. Logan is right that many factors go into a person's ideal weight. A healthy weight is tied to more than just a number on a scale, especially for women.

Next! She's not the one for you if she feels this way. I think your letter sounds good, Jedi. Meanwhile, you had a fun time and got your feet wet in the dating scene. Don't wait too long to find someone else to have fun with.

I don't get her, Jedi ... she said she wanted to lose the weight, but you're superficial for wanting her to lose the weight?

As I understand it, yes. She wanted to lose weight but also said shea comfortable with her weight.
When I communicated it would be an important emotional need of mine, she then postson facebook that "men are so superficial . I think ill just vomit all night long in disgust"
However she replied to me, "Thank you. I appreciate your honesty"

Someone can appreciate honesty but still be frustrated by it.

i.e. if a wayward tells a betrayed that they are still seeing the other person. It would be honest but upsetting. YK?

OKAY....
I'm ready to revamp/ make a new profile on the dating site Plenty of Fish.
OR....Should I use another site?
I dont want to start subscribing to all of them.

Eharmoney will probably have some specials around New Year...

What site is best?

From a woman's point of view:

OkCupid, Match, OurTime, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, Zoosk, PoF, Date.com....all the sites I am on and paid for at one time or another. Maybe it's my region (Indiana) but all I seem to get are scammers, liars, idiots or guys looking constantly at my profile but never initiating conversation. If I send a message, no reply. I have no clue if it is different for guys. And yes, I re-vamped my profile to make it fun, light-hearted and witty.

Therefore, I can't honestly recommend any of them based on my experience.

I met some potential guys who didn't pan out on Plenty of Fish, but a good friend met her DH of 5 years there. And my fianc� on OkCupid.

um....Craigslist? I go to the "classifieds" and I've met lots of nice serial killers - er, dates - there.

KIDDING.

Match has the most people in my town - so the best chance of meeting someone I'd be interested in. Some of the same guys there were also on the other, smaller sites - so I felt like I could focus on Match.

But the 'down side' is that everyone's on it - even co-workers and friends. So, you're kind of "out there" for everyone to see. And your ex might be on there, but you can always block her.

I've paid for Match twice and also tried Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. I tried eHarmony briefly but never paid.

My experience -

Match - Was successful, I guess. First time I used it 4 years ago I met the man I spent the next 3 years with. When I used it over the summer, I only went on a date with one guy after about 3 months. So, not a great experience considering the cost.

OK Cupid - Went on one date. Found it to be the poorest quality/selection of men. Not sure why that is. The site itself isn't that pretty either, which for me was a turn off. They also have these ridiculous questions and I don't know what formula they use for "matches" "friends" and "enemies" but it seemed way off to me.

Plenty of Fish - Went on several dates; am currently dating someone ("The One"). Found this site most user friendly, found the quality of men much better, for some reason it seems to attract more of the type of man I was looking for (in terms of age range, career/family oriented).

eHarmony - When I tried for free, I did talk to a few men but never met any in person. It seems to focus more on building a true connection based on values than any other website. It seems to target those who are serious about finding a relationship that ends in marriage rather than just flirting, having fun, dating.

I'm still an advocate of Meetup. It's not online dating but it's the best way to meet singles in a low-pressure, fun situation which is especially important when you're just getting your feet wet. My experience with Meetup was that there were about 3x more women than men at all times so it's actually better for a man for finding a potential date.

Okay, I signed up for okcupid. I followed an online guide for using okcupid and selected a good username, profile pics and content.

Within 10 minutes I was matched with Roller Derby Girl that I made the above post about last month!
we were matched because we both liked each others profiles.
I contacted her, she remembered speaking to me in the skate rink.
She asked me out, and we are planning for next Wednesday.
This is my first date in years.
She asked to go skating, and I suggested dinner afterwards.

Fantastic, have fun Jedi. What a small world.

Aw. It was meant to be!