Are you thinking people will minimize your concern solely because the A has not become physical?

Some people might, that's true, but you are asking for their help because your husband's infidelity has hurt you and is very damaging to your marriage. An affair, whether physical or emotional or both, becomes a strong addiction. People with an addiction need accountability and transparency to overcome their addiction.

Here.
What is an Affair?

Yes, tell the whole family. The advice against trickling does not apply here obviously.

Do you have airports, cars, trains to your city? If you live in the US, any affairee can be together within 5 hours.

I have full access to all financial records and the girl lives in Canada and his passport is expired...not impossible but a little difficult. I also have his birth certificate and social security card...not to be intentionally controlling but I needed them for something and stored them. He'd have to ask me to get them for him.

I have been in Canada many times and never needed a passport. And she can come to the US. Our point is that most affairees do hook up and distance never stops them.

I understand but I've completed most of the things in the list on the first page. Accounts are cancelled and I have full access to everything, bank accounts and business related accounts that are still open. We discussed the message and resent one that I approved. I'm wavering a little about telling his parents. I understand the need for transparency. I just have to work myself up to it a little bit. He made a pretty positive step today. I picked up his phone and started looking through it and he let me. I was sneaking around to do it previously. I handed him my phone yesterday and told him to go a head and look at it. He is acting comfortable with my need for verification. I feel OK, I feel like things are moving forward. We also talked about working our schedules for more leisure time together. I explained the 15 hours a week concept from the other reading and he agreed and understood the principle. He even open up about some other things I hadn't reached before. I know actions, actions. Him being calm and understanding about these changes though shows me a big step, now to look for the follow through. He might be upset when I tell his parents but he wasn't all that upset when I told his friends so maybe not....convincing myself here.

Exposure is the first step that needs completed

MOTG, that is ok if he is upset about exposure. Our goal is to save your marriage, not to avoid his anger at all cost. He shouldn't mind exposure if he is truly repentant. So don't worry about his upset; please focus on saving your marriage.

Do you now have all his passwords to his phone, computer, everything? You must have full access to everything

I have full access to everything. Every single thing possible I have access to.

But do you have the passwords to everything so you can check without him knowing? You must have full access without him being there or knowing or it is useless.

yes I have passwords to check every thing anytime I want. I can check his phone when ever I want in front of him or other wise. I have checked when he is sleeping before. I can track his iPhone from my computer. I often have his ipad when he is not here and it has all the apps on his phone. I can check the phone bill on line to see numbers called but texts and internet history I have to check from his phone directly. I have and do periodically check those. I can check his bank account online as well.

Does he know that you can check all of those things? If so, it could defeat the purpose and give you a false sense of security. (If he knows you can check those devices, he knows that he cannot leave any traces on those devices. For example, he now knows that he would need to pay cash for a disposable phone in order to keep his cell phone "clean" for whenever you check it.)