Omg, the sister replied and asked if it ever occurred to me that WH is leading us both on and that I shouldn't be blaming OW. AND that OW and I are the only victims here. Seriously!
I told her I took the advice of a trained psychologist that specializes in recovering marriages after an affair and that is why I contacted her family/friends. She said, "You need a new husband not a psychologist". WTF!

ETA: Now I just got a phone call from an out-of-state number. I ignored it. OW has my phone number from when I text her a few times earlier this summer. Could be coincidental, but no voicemail.

LIB,

Omg, the sister replied and asked if it ever occurred to me that WH is leading us both on and that I shouldn't be blaming OW. AND that OW and I are the only victims here. Seriously!

Good, almost any response is a good response, it's a bit like advertizing, she at least knows of the affair, what she or anyone else does do with that information you can't control.

However WH and OW don't know who knows, or who told whom, and they don't know who secretly disapproves of them as a result. You have shone on spotlight on their affair, and since most affairs are fragile anyhow, have made it more likely to end sooner. You've converted their magical love affair into adultery plain and simple.

God Bless
Gamma

Good job on exposure.

Have you heard anything from your WH?

Thanks, Gamma.
The sister told me she knew of the situation and asked why WH didn't contact her himself. I told her WH didn't know I was sending the messages. I also clarified that her sister willingly entered a relationship with my husband with full knowledge that I would do everything to save our marriage and that DD & I are the only victims. She didn't reply to that.

WH text me a few hours after the messages were sent. He was shocked and not happy about it. He said if OW has thoughts of harming herself then he will stand by her side and he hopes I am happy with what I did.
I told him he could go ahead and file those divorce papers if he is choosing OW in this situation.

I am happy I did the exposure. It feels good. I think it was easier since we are already separated and I accepted that the marriage is quite possibly over. I'm not sure how I would have handled WH's reaction if I were in my fragile D-day state. Thanks for the advice!

Now are you going to Plan B?

That's the thing about exposure, it's empowering. And don't worry about what he's said. It's all standard fog -- he ripped YOUR heart out and he's worried about his OW?? The nerve!

Great job, lifeisbetter!!

NOW, I would plan on going into an very dark Plan B. Have you read about Plan B? Plan B

Well, WH was just here to pickup DD for the weekend. He says he talked with OW and she pretty much hates him now and has agreed to end contact. We didn't have much time to chat since it was near DD's bedtime, they had to get going. He said he was planning to dump OW this Sunday after he returns DD to me. I said, "Oh really? Because just last night I asked your plan to dump her and you didn't have a plan. So I implemented the plan today and it seems to have worked!" He said OW didn't want all these people involved and is embarrassed that they know about her mental health. I told him, don't care!!

I sort of did Plan B when I moved out. Not dark because we don't have family in our city to help with DD. He didn't know where I live, we only texted about exchanging DD, and met at a gas station to exchange her. It was very helpful for me to have that distance from him. This was from Sept-mid Nov. I probably broke that sooner than I should have, but I was glad he said he had tried to end things with OW.

So WH already asked if we could hangout as a family tomorrow. Ummm, no!! I told him his next step is to change his contact info and give me all his passwords. We'll see how that goes.

He has a doctor appointment on 12/16 for STD test & depression screening. He agreed to that a week or so ago and that was the soonest appointment I could get.

Oh, and he should still send her the NC letter, correct? Since he is still foggy and I have no idea how his conversation with her went.

My suggestion would be to go into a pitch black Plan B. Write out your letter tonight and make arrangements for an intermediary. Do you have someone who will agree to be an intermediary? I would also be thinking about how you do child exchanges without EVER seeing your husband.

Here is the Plan B letter. Please make this appropriate for your situation and then post it when you are done. We can give you feedback.

Sample Plan B letter, from SAA (revised edition) pages 77-78:

My Dearest __________,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I foolishly pursued my goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we are now both suffering for my mistake. [Add your willingness to address other complaints that the unfaithful spouse may have communicated prior to the affair.]

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living with you under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Our friends, ________, have agreed to help make arrangements for you to see our children on schedule that is mutually convenient. They will provide transportation. If you want to communicate about the children or any other mater, it will have to be through them.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you th is way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be wiling to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,
(signed)

This letter should be delivered by your friends to the unfaithful spouse, and a copy sent to the lover with a note at the bottom saying:

I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for that chance.

Oh no, you need to send HIM a no contact letter. His affair is far from over.

And.....all OW tell the wayward the affair is over due to their humiliation after exposure.

It doesn't mean it is.

Be forewarned and expect them to try to continue the affair. Expect it and be pleasantly surprised if you are one of the few who killed the affair for good with exposure.

Okay?

Prepare for further battle for your marriage.

These are meaningless, empty words that you have heard many times. He has no intention of ending his affair. He is just saying this in order to keep you around as an "option" while he continues his affair with the OW.

The affair won't collapse until you stop hanging around as his option. He is not ready to give up the OW. He probably told you she dumped him so you would STOP exposing her. He wants to protect his OW.

But let me assure you of one thing: the affair is not over.

You might also call the OW and tell her that your H has been pursuing you and tells you he was going to dump her anyway this Sunday. Tell her everything he said.

Perfect! Her friend just replied to me and said she is WITH OW right now and they want to clear some things up. I asked what they want to know. Waiting for their response!

Good deal! Tell her about how he has been hanging around all this time asking to come back but told you he couldn't dump the OW yet because she is a mental case. REALLY LAY IT ON THICK!!

So OW's friend said that OW is blinded by love and believes everything that WH tells her. I told her that WH has been pursuing me since I left him in Sept. I said I am not the one delaying the divorce, he is. She said that while we were chatting WH & OW were texting the entire time. WH was telling OW how much he loves her and he can't lose her. Unbelievable! Also at the same time he is texting me that it is over with OW and wants to know where we stand. WH had told me in mid-Nov that he was not having sex with OW and trying to ignore her. That never happened! According to OW's friend they had sex as soon as 2 days ago. Apparently WH told OW that our divorce papers were filed, not true. She also said that we are both fools for wanting a man that lies about everything. I thanked the friend for being the middle man and talking with me. She wished me luck.

I was pretty pissed off after my chat with her. I text WH and told him to go ahead and file the papers because I don't want to be stuck in his love triangle anymore. He said he doesn't want to file them. I told him to be a freaking man, step up to the plate, and choose a path because I don't enjoy being an option. He said he would choose a path and asked if he could give me his decision on Sunday. WTF!! I said, no if you can't decide now than I clearly don't mean enough to you so go enjoy your life with stupid slutty home wrecker.

This is so exhausting! I know you guys want me to go to Plan B, but I really want to just skip to Plan D. I don't have any ideas for an IM. I'm not in love with WH anymore. I feel like OW is crazy and will never go away. I don't think I mentioned that WH & OW live in the same dang apartment complex, different buildings. He will never be away from her!

Thank goodness OW's friend called! Now you know for a fact that he was gaslighting you the entire time. (Hopefully, OW now realizes he has been deceiving her, too! ). If I were you, I would tell him everything you just told us regarding your conversation with OW's friend. I would want to make sure he knows he got caught on every single one of those lies.

I think you should go ahead and file for divorce while in Plan B. Obviously, you cannot save your marriage singlehandedly, and your husband's cruel charade has gone on far too long. The purpose of Plan B is simply to keep the BS sane by blocking contact from the WS. You can certainly do that while waiting for your divorce to be finalized.

JC- Our divorce is already written up and paid for. The only thing left is for WH to take the papers to the court and pay an $80 filing fee. I'm not sure how long it takes to get through the court. WH is stalling because he says he wants to be a family.

Latest development: OW is planning to move home to her parents in the next state 5 hours away. WH called me crying today still begging me to give him a chance. I said: I told you a month ago I would give you a chance after OW is gone, but you continued banging her anyway!!! Also said our only hope of any chance is if she does, in fact, move away. He said OW lost her job in Oct and has been waiting tables since then and can't afford her apartment. Seems her misfortune has perfect timing! I'll believe it when I see it.

For Plan B can WH bring DD to my apartment and I stay in the bedroom maybe? That would be more ideal for our situation. I would be willing to put Plan D on hold for the sake of our daughter. It breaks my heart when she asks about mommy & daddy being together. WH tells her our family will be together again soon. I guess he likes to gaslight our toddler also!!

It would be best if you could find someone to help with drop offs. Waywards don't like loosing control and usually try to break plan B. Given your WH is a cake eater, waiting in the bedroom during drop offs, gives him the opportunity to try to break your Plan B.

LIB, you need to go into a very dark plan b. I will just keep telling you this over and over again. And no, it is not plan b if your husband comes in your home. Change the locks and don't allow him in the house EVER.

File for divorce and don't stop it anymore. You have absolutely no call or reason to put the divorce on hold.

He doesn't have keys to my apartment because we live separately. I will see if WH's step-brother could help with exchange.

I'm confused. I thought Plan B was the last step before finalizing the divorce? Don't some people Plan B for up to 2 years and then divorce? I should probably read more about Plan B.