HF is so right - when I was in my fog I was a horrible mother - sure my kids were fed and clean and I put them to bed BUT often I wasn't there when they woke up, I missed a lot in 2 months - your WW probably doesn't see that she's in a fog, she doesn't see she's doing anything wrong in terms of with your children, you NEED to do whatever it takes to keep the POSOM away from your children - my BH went to court and had an order put in place so that POSOM couldn't be anywhere near my kids, BEST thing he did. When and if your WW comes out of her fog, she will thank you for protecting your babies.

Ok. Sounds like things are pretty heated in your world.

You've got to find a way to calm down. Expect her to act crazy. She's been outed and she's scrambling. You've got to be the calm one!

She's going to say all kinds of crazy stuff. Don't let that stuff become real to you. She's coming off her secret drug and you just can't expect her to be rational.

Continue to expose tonight while she's out!! Get it done! It's going to be a bucket of cold water on her crazy fantasy world. You know the world where you're the worst husband ever and she's some kind of long suffering saint.

You can guarantee that she's been out there over the last few years painting this picture to anyone who will listen so that when the marriage collapses you'll look like the bad guy.

Contact everyone you know and tell them the truth and ask them to support the marriage. She will flip out, stomp around and threaten to leave. Prepare for this.

Most of all, tell your girls what's going on. I know you don't want to but they need to know. Right now your fog addled wife is filling them with some crap about you being unhappy and wanting to abandon them all. You need to tell the truth! They might just be the ones to snap your wife back to reality.

Stay calm. Seriously. Come on here to vent. Expose the affair now! and Do not consider moving out. You will lose your daughters if you move out.

Even if you decide to proceed to divorce, following the steps here is in your best interest and the best interest of your children.

Are you reading our posts? Can you follow a plan?

If she says you need to leave just let her know that you won't be going anywhere but she is welcome to move out if she wants to. The kids stay home with you.

Move back to your bedroom if you moved out. That's your bed. She can sleep on the couch if she needs "space." You've got to take charge of this because she is not in her right mind right now.

The kids are depending on you to be the steady one. Stay cool and make home a place she wants to be. It's hard. VERY HARD. You can do it. Exposure will help. Stop hemming and hawing and get it done. It is the power you need to get back in the drivers seat.

He is completely ignoring our posts and is coming here to blog. This guy is not going to make it.

So frustrating. Watching this thing collapse and burn when there's opportunity to save it.

I remember when I first got here and I moved out because my WW needed space. It was only for a day mind you, if you don't know "needing space" is WW talk for let me drop my panties with POSOM in your home while you pay the bills. Needless to say that didn't happen to me. Am I smarter than you? Nope. The only difference is I FOLLOWED THE FRICKING ADVICE GIVEN! You are a crossroads here! One path says walk all over me I'm a dithering fool and the other says damn it I'm a man and I'm not putting up with this trash! Make your choice now. Needless to say get your butt back home.

After I told her parents .

Are you able to expose to the school board Monday.morning?

I've exposed to friends and parents. Now she's left with my girls. I'm not sure telling a 12 and 16 year old there mother had an affair is proper at this point. I'm defiantly the [censored] in both girls eyes but I can wait until they're older to explain. What I plan on telling them is that I love them and I will support them.

As far as exposing her to the school board ... As much as I would like to... This marriage is over. Getting her fired is not a successful plan as I move forward.

This has been a awful day and I plan on re reading everyone's comments. Thank you

I would tell your girls just for the fact that its the right thing to do. You would look like a bigger a hole if you kept it from them.

It sounds like you are unwilling to follow Dr Harleys program for marital recovery outlined in Surviving an Affair.
My wife had an affair and I exposed to my two daughters, ages 8 and 6. I'm shocked you can expose to older teenagers.

Your marriage has no chance of surviving and recovering if you don't follow the program.

Ok I'll tell them tomorrow

Capt,
You seem to be resigned to divorce. Then what have you got to lose following MB? You may be divorced but at least with MB you can know that you made every effort to save your M.

Do you think the type of man that has an A with a M woman has anything to teach your children? Tell them the truth they will be better off knowing why their family was destroyed.

The wonderful posters here are trying to help you kill this A and give you the best chance you have to not just save your M but create a better one than you had before.

This is the hardest most painful experience you will ever go through and it is not easy. After an A there are no easy remedies. MB is the one that works but it is a narrow path. As a father of two DD's I am encouraging you to fight for your family my friend!

Capt - My BH told our then 7 year old, and she understood just fine. I can only imagine how painful it was for him.
The difficult part for me now, is having to explain to her (EVERYTIME she gets upset about our move) that it was because "mommy made bad choices and hurt daddy, by going outside our marriage, and that when two people are married, they are not supposed to have boy/girlfriends".
The "plus" side is she notices that her daddy is "happy again", she see's him smile, she hears him laugh - and she comments on them. Children are perceptive and resilient, they know and can feel something's not right, they will thank you when they're older for your honesty and as long as you continue to love them and be strong for them, they will be ok.

Now only are the old enough to know, but they are old enough to figure out for themselves that you are covering up for it, and they are old enough to resent you for doing that.

As long as you don't tell the truth, your wife is free to tell them lies...about you. Your daughters will resent you for lying to them about the source of trauma in their family. Your wife will be free to introduce the OM as your new replacement because of your complacence.

You're within your right to divorce. You may have no desire to recover the marriage but telling the truth to the kids is the only honest thing to do.

They need to understand what destroyed their family. If you don't tell them you can guarantee you'll be the one who gets punished for breaking this apart and that will destroy your connection with them.

They are at a vulnerable age as they are becoming women. Please don't abandon them to the corruption and lies of their deceitful mother. DON'T DO IT.

"Getting her fired is not a successful plan as I move forward. "

Getting your wife out of that job is the *only* way you will be successful. Losing her job would be the best thing for everyone because recovery is impossible as long as they work together. Even if decide to get divorced, the best thing for and your daughters is for her to end her affair unless you want to be facing the OM at your kids events, weddings for the next 10 years.

Even so, you told us they "already know" about the affair at work and fully condone it as long as your WW is professional. So there should be no issue with exposing it further at work.

To reiterate what Jedi said....

Your wife and/or OM are likely lying about the superintendent. Do you even know for sure he was told anything...let alone the full truth? You can't trust the waywards to expose themselves.

That being said, they have given you a built in excuse for having your own conversation with the superintendent. You just say, "I had no idea it would be a big deal, you guys already told me he knew everything and supported you guys". Some people advise to never apologize for exposing an affair but I find sometimes it helps keep the peace and gives you a tool to dissipate the post exposure anger to just say "Ooops, my bad, sorry I didn't know you didn't want everyone to know". Exposure does the work on it's own destroying the fantasy affair so whether you apologize or not it doesn't really matter as long as the truth is out there....out everywhere.

Your poor kids...being dragged around town by a wayward wife can't be fun. If she keeps it up for long you may need to seek legal counsel in your state to have a conversation about the process to get access to your children. Please be advised (I'm a tax attorney so I know a little bit but not everything) that unless and until there is a court order you both have 100% custody of your children. That is pretty much universal in the US. This means you can go to the school and pick them up or get them yourself anywhere they may be if your wife isn't there (don't make it a confrontation in front of the kids). So say Grandma is watching them over the weekend while wife is working or on a date with OM...you can go and get your kids and Grandma can't keep them from you. That being said, grandma may call/text mom and she'll race home and a confrontation may ensue in which the cops are called on you. Wayward wives are famous for trumping up restraining orders so you need to be smart, careful and prepared about escalating any situation you find yourself in with your wife. In fact, we often advise betrayed husband's to carry a voice activated recorder in your pocket such that you can record any situation which could escalate into a he said/she said event.

Godspeed,

Mr. W