I have not posted in awhile. My husband came home 4 months ago and told me he was miserable and wanted a divorce. I was floored! He had always been the more loving one. Everone said he was most likely having an affair. I said no way, he would not even look at other women. I of course asked and he said no way. SO after being seperated for 2 months, he came to see his kids one weekend and said how much he missed me and wanted to make it work. So over a month period every time he would come down we would talk about all problems during our 6 yr marrige. He kept saying he wanted everything perfect before moving back in together. during this time he would make me feel awfull about my mistakes. I took it over and over just wanting it to work. Finally We decided it was time, I came to look for a place for us to live. During my short time at his place I found letters from a women. Right after he kicked us out he had a 2 week fling with this girl. I felt lik dying. Within days he was down to where I lived crying and begging for me back how sorry he was. within a week I came back,still don't know why. Now I am miserable. I can hardley stand to look at him most days. I feel like a crazy person because my feelings go up and down like crazy. He is so attentive and loving says he feels so badly for the pain he caused me and family he would never do that again and during all this time realized he could not live without me. How does that change so quickly.?????? I feel like I cannot let myself love him for fear of getting hurt again. What do I do? I am hear but I am far from being a wife to him. Will I ever be able to trust him or feel safe again? ANd the love I feel for him is the man I thought he was not the one who made this huge mess. Can I love that man too>??

JJM,<P>Sounds like your H is really trying to make your marriage work. You have been deeply hurt and are afraid to truly trust again, because you never want to get betrayed again. Believe me, we all share those feelings.<P>It will take a long time for you to rebuild trust in your H. Your H will have to understand this. He will have to work hard at EARNING your trust again, and it will take a long, long time.<P>If you haven't done so already, get some of the books you will see referred to on this forum often - Surviving An Affair, Private Lies, Infidelity, After the Affair, Torn Asunder and others. Ways to rebuild trust are discussed in these books, among others.<P>Take your relationship one day at a time right now. You are dealing with many conflicting feelings right now. The important thig is that it seemd you and your H are commited to rebuilding your relationship. To me, that is 90% of it - the TRUE commitment by both parties.<P>I will really be pulling for you! Best of luck....<P>Roll Me Away

JJM, <P>SOunds like you are having very normal reactions. I agree with RMA, read those books, try to actively love him, the feelings will come back and make sure he is willing to work at earning your trust.<P>Good Luck<BR>M<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>