After your prompting, I've just had another thought and done some more digging....discovered a way I can probably identify the OM's phone # tomorrow. Will try that first.

In terms of proof, I have a number of screenshots from twitter showing where they refer indirectly to one another or post the same content, including one that contains a photo that is identifiably my WS on his feed (they are not "friends" on any network).

I also know specifically which event they both met at. I will offer this to anyone that wants to see it, with notes from me for context.

Tell her in the opening message about the affair and give your wife's name so will know why this is urgent. You should send this in ADDITION to calling her to make sure you get ahold of her.


Keep trying to track down his parents.

Perfect!

I would also focus on your wife's admission. Tell them she had confessed the affair is "not hiding it."

Have you scrubbed the OMW's facebook list for the OM's parents? Are there any contacts with her married name?

I would also expose to any of the OMW's close family if you can identify them.. They can help contact her if you have any trouble.

Be sure and include your phone # in all communications. And when you contact the OMW, add your wife's cell phone #.

You are doing great! The most important thing is that you get ahold of the OMW when you expose. That is the MOST CRITICAL EXPOSURE.

Done. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She is coming home to talk.

Great Job!

Now it is on to a Super Plan A. Good that she is coming home to talk. Remember to stay pleasant and no love busters while you are talking. You love her very much, value your marriage, and are willing to work together to meet each other's emotional needs AFTER she has ended all contact with the OM.

Do not get upset at WW anger. They rage after being exposed. It is to scare the BH to stop any more exposure from happening.

Do not let her bait you into a fight.

WW talks divorce. You say I do not talk divorce only marriage. Then you change the subject and if need be leave the room. Hop into the car and go disappear in your car to run an errand.

Great job, Pen...

Good job!! Did you get ahold of the OM's wife and family? That is the most important thing.

When your wife comes home, you must DEMAND that she end all contact for life with the OM and send him a no contact letter.

Can someone please post the suggested no contact letter? I am at another computer.

[from SAA, pg 58]

OM, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my husband and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused him, I will do my best to become the wife he has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Thanks! PEN, come back and give us a blow by blow of your exposure. I want to make sure you have closed all the gaps.

OM wife knows. She texted me to say she would ring when calmer. I repeated how sorry I was, she said it wasn't my fault, neither of us did this.

Both sets of WS and my parents know, spoke to both. Supportive, angry, sad.

Kept my cool when she came home, lots of deep breaths, said that the issues in our marriage were both of ours to deal with, but the events today were all on her. She burned out after a couple of hours. She says affair is over (yes, I know, she says....) just keeps talking about separate christmases, moving out, its over etc. Won't engage in any talk about fixing things, apart from with scorn.

I can't see how forcing the issue of a NC letter will do much until she's had time for this to sink in. Right now with her so sad and cold, it is hard to see things changing at all. I feel hollow, sick and totally drained.

you did good keeping your cool. Ignore the scorn, just be a broken record, I value our marriage, I'm willing to work on it as soon as you go NC with OM, etc. Get out and go for a drive if it becomes tough to hold your temper.

I'll let others address the NC letter.

I know how sad and draining this is. It's the worst thing that most of us will ever go through. Take extra care of yourself right now and remember to drink water and eat something. You've got to be the strong one for now.

Please follow up with this and make sure you speak to her. I cannot tell you how many times an affair partner has sent an email or text pretending to the be betrayed spouse. Your average married cheater is always on the lookout for an exposure letter.

Both sets of WS and my parents know, spoke to both. Supportive, angry, sad.


Well, you cant force her to do anything. But you should DEMAND that she end her affair and send the OM a letter saying that very thing. If she has "ended" her affair as she says, then she shouldn't have an issue with that.

I think all of this may have just been the nail in a long hidden coffin.

I was hoping that we could work on something together over christmas, but she is insistent that she is leaving for her parents and won't be back until new year.

She has also been looking for apartments to rent in the new year. She still hasn't said she is definitely moving out, but it does feel like that is just a holding pattern till she has found somewhere, and she's certainly shown no interest in working to fix anything. Essentially right now we are 2 people sharing a small apartment.

I don't know for certain that the OMW knows, all I have is a text message and I have been asked to stop any further contact. I have no other avenue to follow there that I can see.

A NC letter: WS refuses saying that enough harm has already been done, and it seems pointless if WS will not commit to anything at all either way.

I think what reserves of hope I had are rapidly disappearing. I have been concentrating on myself, eating right, got a good haircut, trying to get back into the swing of things at work, arranging to meet up with friends. It feels like the only positive action I can take.

What has happened is the OMW doesn't know yet so the affair went further underground. Your wife wants to move out to carry on the affair in peace.

I would FIND the OMW and talk to her. She will help you kill the affair.

You MUST find and contact the OMW.

Exposing to her will assist in killing the affiar.

Get to it!

Until you face the OMW you will never know if the OM intercepted your messages.