I'm planning to go give the OW's BH the proof this evening after work - couldn't go yesterday due to a work meeting that went long and wouldn't have had time to get back to pick up kids. WH will get them today if I'm not back in time.

Question I have is whether it is a good idea to contact the OW as well. I've tried to figure out why/if I want to. I have no questions for her, really, other that why she did this - something I'm sure I won't get a satifactory answer to.

Its more like I just want to say my piece. Tell her what she's done to our marriage. She is always posting (on facebook - why I look I don't know, except to keep track of where she is sometimes)quotes about friendship and true friends, and LOTS of scripture quotes and such - she is Catholic and posts stuff about that as well. (I do get some kind of perverse pleasure when she posts things I know are for WH - he's blocked her- but things about being lonely, what "true love" is, song titles and links, quotes about missing out on the best thing you could have by waiting too long, etc - maybe that makes me a bit spiteful, but hey, I gotta right, I think). I want to ask how she reconciles these things to what she actually does in her life. She was NOT a true friend to my WH -crossing the boundaries into a relationship is not what a True Friend would have done - she would have encouraged him to talk to me about the things he was talking to her about. I'm not Catholic, but I'm pretty sure that infidelity is frowned on in the Catholic church. I guess maybe she just thinks she can go to the priest, confess, and it all is erased.

Anyway, just wondering what other BW's have done. Is it helpful, or more hurtful to talk to the OW. What about sending a letter or message? I think I really don't care what she has to say - I think I just want to get it off my chest. But will this open up the dialog and encourage her to break the NC - even though it is with me, not WH?

Opinions?

You should have her blocked on FB; NC is for you, too. Do not waste your energy thinking about her... Any convo you have with her will only leave you feeling upset, and she isn't going to suddenly see the error of her ways.... There is no advantage to talking with her....

Best thing you can do is to expose the A to her husband. He has a right to know what is going on.

beautifulday, you have all of the facts of the A, and so you are supposed to leave it in the past. Yep, NC for life is for you also. She can post anything that she likes on FB but your H won't see it, and neither should you!

She knew what she was doing to your M and she didn't care, so there is no reason to say your peace. It won't hurt her, and it will hurt you.

GREAT that you will expose to the BH tonight. Good for you!

Agree with Blindsighted and catwhit. You will not get anything positive out of it. You will get lies and justifications and "poor me".

Block her on Facebook so you do not see what she posts and she can't see you.

If you want to vent, write her a nasty, scathing letter and then burn it. She is not worth the space in your head.

The OW knows that what she did was wrong. Somehow, in her own mind she was able to justify it. Waywards grasp at all kinds of nonsense to make themselves feel justified in what they are doing.


Deep down they know it is a terrible thing to do.


There is nothing YOU can say to her that will have much impact and you will most likely come away feeling even worse. That is what happened to me every time I confronted that POSOW. I felt even worse.

Exposure is the most effective way to knock OW out of her fantasy. Let the people of influence in her life deal with her. Do you know what church she goes to? You could contact the Father as one of your exposure targets. Ask him to use his influence to keep her away from your husband.

Thanks -
I know you guys are probably right. I've been waffling on this since DDay. I don't care what she has to say. I just want her to hear what I have to say. For some reason I think it will make me feel better. But maybe not. Maybe I will write it all down and then burn it. I know in my head that she doesn't care and it won't make a difference, but emotionally I want to let her know that she is a POS Skank and she is not going to win.
Probably not very productive, but emotionally rewarding.

I've not blocked her on facebook yet because I have used it to track her - she lives an hour away, but goes through our town on occassion when traveling - that was how WH and Skanky got together one time - they met while she was on her way somewhere else for "lunch". Its also how I know she's out of town through this weekend, so now is my chance to go expose to her BH.
I think she doesn't realize that I know she was the OW.
But she is about to!

Pokerface - I don't know where she goes to church, but I could probably find out. She lives in a fairly small town and I bet there is only one Catholic Church there, or at most 2. I know she teaches young children at the church for some class, because of facebook posts. I hadn't thought about contacting the Father there. Thanks for the idea!