I am listening.

Is your BH in AA?

The whole idea of Extraordinary Precautions is to avoid temptation in the first place, as much as is possible. It's like someone who is wanting to lose weight: the first thing a person needs to do who wants to lose weight is to change a lot of their habits. One of those habits starts at the grocery store - they just don't buy the tempting foods in the first place. They don't rely on will power to keep from eating the foods that help them gain weight. They replace the tempting foods with foods that are conducive to losing weight.

That's the idea behind EPs. If a person builds their life and habits to avoid temptation in the first place, not giving opportunity, the odds of being faithful are much higher.

The same with alcoholism. Alcoholics must avoid having access to alcohol for the rest of their lives, because temptation is often just too difficult to resist.

It's much safer for a marriage to be built on the premise that since we're all wired to have affairs, the best way to avoid it is to remove the possibilities of temptation. We are told as Christians to flee from temptation.

RH,

He demanded details, explicit details. Time, Date, Name, Number, Address, Employer, Clothes, Cologne, Room Color, Furniture Arangement, Size, Body Position, everything. It was horrible but I created the situation and as such had to deal with it. As soon as I told my husband what I did, he forgave me

Your, perhaps accidental use of radical honesty, has helped your recovery more than you can ever know. If you read the stories here there are so many BHs who never feel they have gotten the whole truth and remain in incomplete marriages for years and years.

The least thing WWs want to talk about is sexual detail, the thing BHs least trust is their WWs descriptions of those details.

The OM btw may be lying to you about not being married, it sounds like you know very little him? Has the OM been exposed to his family, work and etc?

God Bless
Gamma

I thank you all for your input. I am beginning to see the error in my thinking. I am so hurt and scared right now. My selfishness has caused great pain. All I want to do is find the closest skyscraper and jump off of it. But I can no longer be selfish and such an act would be the ultimate act of selfishness. Such an act benefits no one. So I will push through for the benefit of everyone who cares about me. This recovery is about me but so much bigger than me. It is about my great grandchildren. If my husband and I split the negative effects will ripple through generations. If we remain unhealthy the same is true. I am committed to restoration and victory. My husband is as well. We CAN do this. We will put our relationship in the hands of God and follow his lead.

Telling him was physically painful. Now that it is out there can be no surprises unless they are lies. The OM is not married I know this for a fact. I was the only fool with something to lose. I knew he did not have a healthy attachment to me there was no love. We only saw each other twice other than that it was texting and occasional calls.

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