I canceled the date.
She was real wishy washy.
And she seemed to go quiet when she asked how many kids I had and I answered 3.

Regardless of her reasons, she couldn't commit to the wednesday date with certainty so I canceled and left the door open if she wants to ask me out again.

I read an article by Dr Love and he has a great website about how to date women.

I'm going to try his system

Maybe she doesn't like kids, or wants some of her own and doesn't want to "share" you? My guess.

Jedi I hope it's okay that I found comedy in that, I hope that's what you intended? I come from a family of 6 and now have two and all I can say is that 3 is exponentially more work than 1 or 2.

Maybe next time you could preface by saying that you don't expect someone to come in and get the kids back in line, it's more of an observe and report role. You're good with humor and could make that light and easy. My kids are a handful lol but they're my handful and not a burden on my fianc�. Hmm maybe I should ask him his opinion before saying that.

Yup 3 is definitely more complex because they then outnumber the adults. Mine would gang up and concoct all kinds of secret plans. I mainly blame Roald Dahl.

I remember my youngest at the age of 4 asking me detailed questions about what prison was like. Eventually I decided it was time to find out what was behind the questions. She confessed that she had cooked up a plan with her older brother and sister (ages 6 and 7) to kill their father, steal all the money from his pockets and open a sweet shop with the proceeds. Apparently I was going to have to take the blame so would need to go to prison for a while. Hence the concern as she did not want me to be too uncomfortable.

Here is the profile I posted on OKCUpid:

(I followed the guidelines on this blog: http://howtookcupidprofile.webs.com/) However she recommended posting a song and using different font colors and when I tried it okcupid immediately removed it so I dont think it can be done anymore):

PROFILE:

Name: RunningChef

SELF SUMMARY:

I love life! Gardening, running, family and food are passions of mine. I'm energetic and healthy, always looking for another adventure.
Im from the West Coast and find myself in Ohio many years later! I'm a single parent and spend a lot of time doing activities with my kids but still have time to date and devote to a relationship.

WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE:

I work in the fire protection industry, installing fire sprinkler systems. I have been in this industry since the age of 18 and enjoy my work very much, taking pride in the knowledge that I am helping to save lives.

The Xenia Marathon is coming up in April and I'm also training for that, in addition to moving into a larger home in December!

I'M REALLY GOOD AT...

.....singing in the shower!
and cooking awesome meals!
I'm also a good listener and organizer.

THE FIRST THINGS PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME:

I've been told people usually notice my dress and smile. I conduct myself as a gentleman and objectively

FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES AND SHOWS:

BOOKS
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
The Carpetbaggers by Harold Robbins
Gone With The Wind

I feel these books have helped me develop a personal philosophy about life.

MOVIES
Classics, Westerns, Action, Drama
recently watched The Rise of the Titans and loved it!

SHOWS
Blue Bloods - Starring Tom Selleck
Stargate SG1 - Starring the McGyver guy
Elementary - a Great TV show about Sherlock Holmes and his gorgeous assistant Watson

MUSIC
I usually listen to country in the car, rock when running and clean rap with the kids sometimes

FOOD
I really love good foods! Indian, Chinese, Thai, Mexican...I like it all and am always willing to try new food

THE SIX THINGS I COULD NEVER DO WITHOUT:

1. Push signs on doors that look like they should be pulled open

2. Church

3. Justice

4. Summer rains

5. The beauty of nature

6. Laughter

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT:

...gravity.
I'm fascinated by the fact that the earth is orbiting around the sun, spinning and we all keep micromanaging our lives.
I think about philosophies, religion, human psychology.

ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM...

Going out for dinner and a movie; or perhaps staying home with a date and watching a movie with a glass of wine and dinner.

THE MOST PRIVATE THING I'M WILLING TO ADMIT:

Horror movies give me nightmares!

I'M LOOKING FOR:

Girls who like guys
Ages 27�38
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF:

You love Starbucks!

I'll post my profile pic later for feedback;

The problem is that okcupid matches me with married women and orgy couples.
It seems like half of the site is cheaters.

I have also been editing my profile daily; I read that affects how its broadcast so I change a sentence etc

Good profile Jedi, but for some reason I'm a bit turned off by this. I guess because this statement isn't exactly true as you haven't been dating. I think it'd actually be more appealing if you said something like
"My actual typical Friday night: catching up on the DVR or dinner and a movie with the kiddos.
What I wish a typical Friday night would be: Date night with a special lady, cozy dinner at home followed by a movie and glass of wine"

For some reason when I read "perhaps staying home with a date" I can't help but think 1) you must go on an awful lot of dates, and 2) you're not really looking for anything too serious.

Just my opinion, others may disagree.

I understand; much of the profile isnt true.
For example, I dont care about signs on doors, etc.
Dr love says that women should never have the impression that men desire or need them.

Wouldnt that seem needy if I posted "i wish"?

To be completely honest with you, I wouldn't think it was needy. Not if the rest of your profile communicated that you do have a life and interests and such. I like to see a man be honest and humble and vulnerable. It's no secret that you're on OkCupid because you're single and want to find that special someone.

I think you can say it in a funny way.
Perhaps the other ladies will chime in and disagree with me, so let's see before you change it.

I think it's okay to embellish a tiny bit, but the essence has to be true to you. Signs on doors, who cares about that, but the big stuff (running, cooking, like to eat different foods, the books and shows you listed) has to be accurate because if that's what she picks up on as a common interest and then you meet and she finds out you hate Starbucks, well that could set off red flags for her.

Jedi, I was thinking the same thing as JustMe, if you're out every Friday, then why are you on a dating site?

The Ayn Rand thing put me off too because I take that as a code word that you'd think my religion is just a crutch that you would try to cure me of. That and Gone With the Wind helping you form your philosophy of life is code for saying you're a racist and would try to cure me of my biracial family.

I doubt this stuff is true of you but just giving you my objective reaction. I like folks that stuck to the "happy with life" stuff and didn't throw me any obstacles. I also really liked folks that talked about what kind of stuff they were doing with their kids, like pick-up basketball games or roller skating. Then I figured they would be an asset to my family, not just a fun activity partner for me. Moms feel better about doing stuff that's good for their kids

THE FIRST THINGS PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME:

I've been told people usually notice my dress and smile..."

If you were in a dress that's the first thing I'd notice too.

Well I posted Ayn Rand as a way of hopefully attracting an objective woman.
Gone with the wind and the carpetbaggers are also about objectivism.
I'm surprised you felt Gone With the Wind is racist. I see it as a struggle between those who can adapt to change (Scarlett) and those who cant (Ashley) and that's why she wasted her time with him. Rhett changed because the world was changing. Ashley didn't want to change and that's why his life was so messed up. In the end who is happy? Rhett and Scarlett.
Mitchell wrapped this philosophy up in a historical love drama but that is what the book boils down to

I want to attract someone that sees that as i do; Because I need a sane woman. Not a woman that is ruled by emotions.

Also I really dont want to attract a woman with kids.
I'm hoping there may be a single woman out there without kids.

And a healthy woman that can run 10 miles and eats vegetables......boy I really am out of luck aren't I?

Also I really dont want to attract a woman with kids.
I'm hoping there may be a single woman out there without kids.


Jedi, have you considered expanding your age range a bit into the 40's? You'll find more women who have already had their kids (who are out of the house or almost out of the house) and are not looking to have more.

A single woman who has never had kids will likely want them - you are really limiting your pool to just those that never have and never will while meeting all of your other criteria.

How far should I go?
I'm 36.
I'm attracted to some women in their early to mid 40s.
However Harley seems to discourage going too much older

If a woman had her two children by 25, by 40 she'll be realizing her last one is almost out of the house and she'll be alone.

If you go as far as 40 to 43-ish, you should be able to find women who love children (which is important for you) and are facing a lonely time in their lives.

At 45, I'm nowhere near ready to be an empty nester. I won't take any steps to find someone until my D is final (not even browsing a dating site), but my ideal candidate would be a man with lots of children in the house so when mine move out my house is still lively for more years.

I am also a runner and it makes me feel 35....why stop there - maybe 25! So if you find a healthy woman who runs (or has a workout passion) and loves children, she'll have the energy and wisdom to deal with yours. There's nothing like raising your own children to teach you how to be a great parent - yours will benefit from everything she's learned on hers.

She may be a better rounded candidate for you than a single woman in her 30's that hasn't had children and doesn't want them.

Okay ill change it to 43

You may want to also solicite advice from the forum concerning your finances. Most women in their 20's/30's are going to have FS as their top need. You can't provide FS currently, and it may be a couple years until you are financially sound.

I know this because you have told the forum.

I have gone out on several dates. The man raved about his great job, his activities, his future hopes etc. When I learned that he actually had either high debt, a bankruptcy, and/or a foreclosure under his belt I didn't just walk I ran from the date.

Those turned me off huge because as a women all my aspirations about my future were crushed, and the thought "will he never learn the value of money" always be part of this relationship.

I understand finances can take unexpected turns, but the reality is they are going to be looking for you for their security. If you want a woman with no children then you are really putting yourself in a pickle because she will either be financially sound herself and/or have that requirement of you since she will have no kin to help her later in life.

I am okay with a guy who had gone through some trying times ... what I am not okay with is when you don't learn this up front right away. It seems to be the black eye of dating. There would need to be serious actions on his part to demonstrate his lesson learned, and to prove this kind of financial disaster will never happen again.

Good luck.

I also think you dodged a grenade when you let the woman go who was hissing on her facebook page.

Someone who is passive to your face but aggressive behind your back would have kept you spinning circles around her.

I think the Venn diagram for that is going to leave a very small intersection - women who are open to raising your 3 kids, who have no kids and are enthusiastic about having no more, and are integrated enough to be honest with you. I think more likely you would find the first 2, but the third would be missing, she would be lying to herself that she is settling. Then when she wakes up and figures that out you'll need to be her emotional rock as she learns to be honest in all areas of her life. She probably was settling about other things too that she wasn't consciously aware of and will need to step up and have you step up in a big way.