At this point in my life; Yes, I am a freeloader.
However, I would like to have a romantic marriage where the POJA and other MB rules are followed because I know that would be the best possible outcome in life.

I'm just saying that I truthfully dont want any baggage from a woman, but I understand that I'm not 20 anymore and so thats not possible

Jedi,

There are unmarried women out there in their 30's who would happily take on step-children with a good man. Keep working at finding your new woman. Don't give up hope yet.

Why play games? If a man I'm interested in is vague and aloof around me, I assume he's not interested and move on to the next guy. I don't have time for that.

You're reading so many books and articles and How to's, but it's too much. Stop thinking about it so much. Just be yourself, have fun, don't be someone or something you're not. If you go on a date, and some topic of conversation comes up in a natural state, don't think "well, So and So's book told me not to talk about it" - just go with the flow and take your cues from your date as to what to and not to talk about.

Do some women like men who are hard to get/vague/mysterious? Yes. Those women are not ready for a relationship. Any relationship-seeking, mentally stable, emotionally healthy woman doesn't have time for that crap.

I'm not sure what all of the above say, but I'm not sure Ayn Rand had a very good marriage. I've heard that she was very rough on some married people in her group (read about JoAnn Rothbard, although there is some debate about how historic the account is), that she dominated her husband, and that some of her writing was aimed at expressing her sexual frustration toward her husband. Disclaimer: I haven't actually made it through a Rand novel (yet).

I would focus on becoming skillful at meeting the typical woman's top two emotional needs. Check out Dr. Harley's little known concept of the "universal spouse" (remind me - I'll try to get you a radio show on this). That's what you want to be. Some similar material is in the end of HNHN in the section on "the man who is irresistible to his wife." This is the kind of things Dr. Harley used to teach men in his dating service.

And yes, Dr. Harley has talked about the importance of a man "pursuing" a woman, although that word could probably be easily misinterpreted.

Take a look again at the typical top five emotional needs of a typical woman:
Conversation
Affection
Honesty and Openness
Family Commitment
Financial Support

Work on those five things!

I seriously doubt it will work for most women. Women aren't attracted to vagueness. Women crave Intimate Conversation and Openness and Honesty. A man who wanted to be a "man of mystery" would only make me groan and roll my eyes.

I'd suggest that you work on becoming an expert at meeting a woman's typical emotional needs, instead.

Vague and aloof is kind of the opposite of Openness and Honesty.

Jedi, take a good look at what Ayn Rand attempted to do to the marriage of Murray and JoAnn (Joey) Rothbard:

http://books.google.com/books?id=8D...ard%20ayn%20rand%20christian&f=false

The Gospel According to Ayn Rand, pages 20 - 22.

I am not attempting to turn you off of Ayn Rand or her works. I still hope to read them myself, some day. But I would not look to her for advice on how to attract a lady you want to be married to.

ETA: I wouldn't mind turning you on to Murray Rothbard as an alternative perspective to Rand. He sounds like he was a good husband, at least in one very important respect.

I kind of agree, JK, that you might be overthinking this.

It's supposed to be fun, remember?

I would guarantee you that you're not the only one out there that has been out of the dating scene for over a decade, so don't be so hard on yourself.

I liked your profile pages back.

Don't play games. Have fun. Be open to meeting lots of people who don't match you well but enjoy having met them.

You can always say "I enjoyed spending time with you but we are not a good match." and move on.

Eventually things will click.

Thats what I'm going to do.
I watched a John Wayne movie tonight, The Undefeated.
The Indian loved this white woman. And John Wayne told him, I taught you how to survive when snow comes, how to fight and how to deal with men....but women, nobody knows whats on a woman's mind!

As a woman, this offends me. If you want to know what's on a woman's mind, just ask.

I don't get the sense that you like women enough yet to start dating. Respect is pretty crucial to building any relationship - especially a romantic one. You've been deeply hurt, so I don't blame you.

You may want to spend some time healing. Otherwise, the good women (likely the ones you'll be attracted to) will pick up on the disrespect and dismiss you. You may get hurt over and over, and not know why. No fun.

I don't think he meant it offensively. It's been my experience that a lot of women don't necessarily say what they mean. Not all mind you and this is just my experience. Thankfully my wife is very direct and to the point. But my ex wife and many women I dated would often say "no, what I meant was..." or "you should have known that..." And I can remember many times a woman telling me that when she said she was fine with something that she really wasn't fine with it but went along with it.

I remember my mom would tell my dad "fine. Go ahead." This didn't mean to really go ahead or that she was fine with it. Whereas if most guys say that, that's exactly what they mean.

Like I said, not all women are the same but a ton of guys have the same experience that I have had.

As a woman, I laughed

I did laugh when I heard it. Hey, women are complicated!

"I remember my mom would tell my dad "fine. Go ahead." This didn't mean to really go ahead or that she was fine with it. Whereas if most guys say that, that's exactly what they mean. "

Yup, yup. My mother raised 5 girls and 2 boys and she likes to say the boys were so much easier. "You always knew what the boys were thinking, but my girls always had agendas." Guilty!

Markos says the female brain is melted. He seems to think Dr. Harley said that :P

Absolutely - Dr. Harley explained that the female brain has too many connections in it - all the parts are connected, which is why they have to think about everything all at once instead of being able to focus on one thing at a time. It's like the circuitry is just melted together.

I need to come back and clarify that Dr. Harley NEVER said any of the above. I am completely joking! He talked about how men's and women's brains are DIFFERENT. I personally turned it into a big joke between me and Prisca about women's brains being "wrong."

I don't want anybody to read this and misunderstand and think Dr. Harley actually said all of this and think poorly of him. Dr. Harley would never say anything like that!

Irrefutable proof that women can not met a man's need for open and honesty.

I would put that thought out of your head.... I would be careful who you say this to (women) because I personally find this offensive.

Why not just say someone I have chemistry//attraction with?

ugs.