Nice! That's great

AK,
I really hope you send her a message, if only to say "You literally made me laugh out loud - thanks for that."

x2

Good idea! And if you throw in a joke of your own, well all the better.

I'll never forget the guy who sent me an email response to my "give Monty Python either a thumbs up or down," with:


I'm a lumberjack.
But it's ok.


I lol'd, and we dated for 1.5 months. He still makes me laugh.

So, a (male) friend told me his theory of online dating sites:

- Every person believes they are about a 20% "greater catch" than they actually are.
- Potential mates are judged based upon, "I'm 20% better than the general population."
- Dates are scrutinized and found lacking, not "as good as I am."
- Hence, horror stories abound about the boorish, stupid, insensitive, idiotic, ugly and bottom-of-the-barrel people we've met.
- We feel justified in our superiority and remain alone.
- We continue to troll the site, hoping for someone "worthy of our greatness."
- The Website continues to make $$ on our futile search.
- Eventually we tire of the game and settle for someone less-than-ideal (?perhaps?)


Kind of makes me wonder....could this be true?

That is a gross generalization and as far as those go, it sounds reasonable, but I don't think it's totally true. I've met a few ladies that are a catch, just not what I'm looking for.

I suppose it depends on your view of dating. If it's simply to find someone that meets your needs that enjoys the way you meet theirs, then I don't think your friend's theory is the case, but if you are looking for the trophy spouse then yea, I can totally see it.

Perhaps this I thinking is rooted in the instant gratification or society runs on.

Z, I think that folks are just getting better at not settling. Because look where that got us, back to step 1 years later. It sounds a lot like Dr. H's suggestion to date 30 to learn about yourself, what ENs you're good at meeting, what ENs you like met. Then they can look back and see who really stood out. And meanwhile maybe one was such a great fit that dating others wasn't so appealing anymore.

I agree ak, I think the instant gratification thing is huge.

As I look back over my experiences, I did meet a few catches - just not for me. In fact, one of them is engaged now.

But not everybody has the same experience online, and I met my share of colorful folks too. Getting "attention" has so much to do with appearance (1000's of comparisons at the click of a button, all ages), and you practically have to be a writer to say anything that stands out from the crowd. But I suppose real-live hanging in bars isn't much better. I've heard so many people tell jaded stories with weary eyes, and sometimes I wonder.

(sigh) Oh for an old-fashioned square dance and barn raising! When the men came a-courtin at the Widow Smith's after a respectable period of mourning. Those were the good old days.

I hope so NED!

My girlfriend was excited at first to find someone to "date" but now she realizes she's not really into him. She stays with him because it's easier than getting back out there. And another friend told me "maybe he'll never find someone he's really crazy about," he's tired of dating and just might marry his latest squeeze out of sheer exhaustion. If I think about it, the majority of my single friends aren't really "into" their dating partners, but they stay. It's a shame.

Like you said before though, that can be okay if there was an initial spark there. Maybe you'll set such an awesome example that they'll want to try some of that relationship building stuff, too I think the key is whether they will make that transition from Renters, doing only the minimum because they see their partners as only minimal, to Buyers, who see the long term benefits of making the most of their situation.

Well, I've decided to have a ball! I have a 4000sf house so I'm going to have my servants decorate it with lights, order up a feast, and hire some musicians. We will announce everyone's name (and status) as they arrive, and I naturally will arrive last after everyone has sufficient time to discuss how I earn more than 10k a month, and explore my 5 bedroom home.

The men will discuss my rank (job), my accomplishments (I'm building a new airplane in my garage), and will desire to earn my respect, and the women will swoon at my ability to provide for myself and family, my diligence towards accomplishing the goals I have for my self, my manors and generosity towards them, and naturally my incredibly good looks.

I'll invite my closest friends to evaluate any potential matches, who will pay close attention to the beauty, sense of humor, wit, charm, maturity, and intelligence of any woman I am interested in, that is, if there are any.

What an interesting thought experiment. It is interesting to me because that is more or less how it was done in England (well so I'm lead to believe, I wasn't there), but I doubt it would go well these days as it would be viewed as prideful and arrogant. The funny part is that what I wrote is true, except I'm average to above average looking, I don't have any servants, and I toned down the income a bit.

It makes me wonder if things aren't really all that much different, and that what women really want is a great man who can provide comfort and security, has ambitions and goals, is secure in who he is and what he wants from life, is well respected, is full of integrity and ethics, who she can partner with, and push to achieve even greater levels of success together with him.

If I am right, how does this man find this woman, and how does she find this man? Online dating is starting to sound woefully inadequate.

ak

Here's an article written by a co-founder of OK Cupid on why its not a good idea to pay for online dating sites

http://www.columbia.edu/~jhb2147/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html

I found some guidelines on how to write a profile here:

http://www.mensfitness.com/women/dating-advice/online-dating-101

Recommend you limit your search to a radius of no more than 10 miles from where you live. Avoids all kinds of potential problems and makes the 30 dates rule a lot easier!

NED, you're always so wise

I want to go! I do think the old fashioned balls would've been fun. Except - you know - those were the pre-deodorant days...

That's ok, I don't smell either. Didn't I mention that?

Both of those were great articles. Thanks Jedi!!

What a relief! Glad you can't smell...because I DO.

I've rewritten my dating profile which i created last year with little or no effect (a paid datingsite).

I've added a picture this time and was more explicit in what I am looking for: to meet intelligent woman who are open and honest.

From that moment on I am receiving one email per week!

Since I am still in Asia for at least another month, this creates an opportunity & a topic for e-mail conversation.

Did not expect response like this...

I just came back here after some time away. I am surprised that my post has resulted in so many replies!