You need to carefully follow the advice of your attorney on this

I encourage you to file for divorce and tell your attorney that you want a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) appointed to represent your kids

Did you check the police records for the address she's stay in at?

Custody battles are war. Be prepared to go into it like Rocky went into the ring. Have you seen the Rocky movies?

How many lawyers did you interview?

I don't have much faith in yours if she can't get proven violence backed up by an officer acknowledged in a court.

Could you see someone else for a free initial chat just to check there isn't more can be done? You need a bulldog.

I just can't believe how disillusioned and under my wife's control I have been. It is really hitting me now the shock of my wife's twofacedness. Lying in court. She actually had the gall to say to the judge that she wished there was a polygraph there for what I was saying. she's acting like none of the prior domestic violence occurred.

The official ruling of the court was that the judge found simple assault but no reasonable fear factor. Court did not find that a terroristic threat or harrassment occurred.

The judge could not believe if I was truly afraid of her why I would not have reported any of the prior incidents, especially the one where she punched me in the stomach, since I had said I was in pain for a day afterward. Looking back I don't know why I didn't report them either.

I'm guessing these issues may have influenced yesterday's hearing:

~ You repeatedly allowed your wife to break the temporary restraining order.

~ You never cut off contact with your wife. (You even engaged in conversation with your wife the night before the hearing!)

~ Your attorney discussed alternatives to the RO with your wife's attorney because you told her that you were afraid the RO would prevent you from being able to pursue marital counseling and reconciliation.

~ Your desire to remain in contact with your wife and your indecision over pursuing the restraining order were so extreme that you almost didn't go through with yesterday's hearing.

At first, I was shocked by the court decision. But on second thought, I can see why the judge wasn't convinced that you are genuinely afraid of your wife.

I feel like the best thing you could do at this point is to file for divorce and try to get custody of your kids. Hopefully, the results of your kids' upcoming psych evaluations will enable Child Protective Services to influence the custody case in your favor.

It's perfectly obvious why not. Domestic abuse victims tend to stay in love with their abusers and never have a realistic level of fear because it has been normalised. Dr H has a terrible time trying to get them to report, leave and follow through legally. What you did was not wise, but is very standard for a victim of violence.

The judge must be an idiot, completely new to DV cases or just plain old sexist.

The judge is probably biased against men.
I posted in "Other Topics" a thread about D.V. women on men.
There is a great deal of bias in the courts in favor of women.

Regardless of the current outcome, your wife did face some consequences for her actions

Were your children or anyone else present during your wife's previous incidents of domestic violence against you? If so, I'm wondering if they could be questioned regarding those incidents to determine whether your wife could be prosecuted for lying under oath yesterday. Regardless, whether your children witnessed her domestic violence against you--as well as any violence against them--should be addressed during their psychological exams with CPS.

I'm glad to hear you're starting to see the reality of your situation more clearly. Your WW is so blatantly manipulative and cruel. We can see it!

Unfortunately, men who suffer with domestic violence don't get nearly the support and recognition that battered women get but at least YOU are waking up now.

You're going to have to get rough with this divorce because you know this woman will lie, cheat and bully to get her way. File first! You've got to beat her to the punch. Request full custody. You won't get it but it will be the starting place for negotiation.

I am so, so sorry Eden. I know how awful it is to come out of your own fog and realize this person you thought loved you is actually mean, evil and totally self absorbed.

Dr Harley writes that if you've ever been in an abusive relationship then youre probably a renter yourself. (Buyers Renters Freeloaders)

As you discover more about MB you will get good perspective and see that you can still live a happy, fulfilling life without her.

What's going on?
I hope you havent backed down and given in to her demands

Hey there. My wife is still living with her friend. She says that she secured a one bedroom apartment for january. I have not filed for custody or divorce. We have been exchanging the kids basically as we were when RO was in effect.

Why havent you filed for divorce?
You need to take legal action or you may loose your kids

Eden,

Please remember that NOT choosing is also a choice. There are consequences to that choice. Jedi has pointed out that you may lose the custody of your children if you continue to NOT choose. In some situations, the Courts would look at your behavior as if you agree with and support your WW's actions.

Please, do something. Your kids need you. They need you to stand up and fight for them.

What's the news Eden?

Let me start by saying that i know that not deciding is deciding to do nothing. I did decide to wait on filing anything. Waiting for child protective recommendations, etc. I take full responsibility for the consequences of waitin. My wife has filed for divorce. I was served with the papers today. My wife is in her own apartment as of yesterday. I am working with a different attorney than i was with the RO.

Well dont sit on your hands.
Make sure you respond to the divorce etc.

Also, I encourage you to ask your attorney to request a Guardian ad Litem be appointed to your case. Tell the attorney you want full custody.

Are you following the RO or have you caved in to her demands?

I hope you didnt help her move.
Who's paying for yhe apartment?

I did not help her move. She is paying for her apartment. It has been an ongoing struggle for me to keep contact with her to a minimum. I have friends who are supportive and are helping me to limit contact. The attorney I was going to get did not work out, but I am signing up with one for whom I got good recommendations. My folks agreed to help me pay for the lawyer. I am talking with the lawyer about the best way to proceed with managing parenting time disagreements in the meantime until we can get in front of a mediator.