So, I came here mainly because I really don't know what else to do. I don't want to air my business out to family or friends. My husband and I are newly weds. We haven't even been married a year yet. I was very happy until last week when I discovered on his old facebook account that he was facebook stalking an old flame. When I say stalking, he was looking at her page every single day from the day we met up until a month before we got married. He looked at her page every day, sometimes a few times a day. I lost it. I lost it because he was perfect to me in every way, and all the memories then were perfect to me. Those were precious memories to me and I feel they are tarnished now, because when I was wrapped up in him and busy wedding planning he was still thinking about this girl. Which I had no idea bout until a few months after we got married.
My husband and I didn't know each other very long before we got married. It was fast, but I had no doubt about it. I love him, I have loved him from day one. We have both been in long marriages before and we both knew what we wanted and found in each other or at least I did. I was devastated and I did confront my husband about it. It feels like a stab in my heart, and a huge betrayal because even though we weren't married yet, we were about to be and the commitment was still there.

I asked him why he felt the need to look at her every day when he had me if I make him the happiest he has ever been in his life like he says. He says he don't know, she reminded him of a time in his life when he was happy before he met me. He met her when his last marriage was ending, and she showed him a little attention that he had not had in many years. He said that the happiness he had then was in no way compared to the happiness he has with me because it didn't 'take much to make him happy then and what we have is a million times better. I want to believe that but it is so hard when the trust has been broken.

The other thing is he works out of town, and now that we are married I do travel with him but I didn't before. He went out of town for 2 months and for a month he was working in the same town where this girl lives. I even went up to visit him there. I had no idea this girl existed until after we were married, so I had no reason to be alarmed and I trusted him 100%. Now that I know this I have all of these questions, he was stalking her so much and he was in her town working. He asked me shortly after we got married if I had ever seen anyone other than him while he was away. I said no and I actually got upset that he asked because it just seemed so out of the blue. It never crossed my mind. He said if I did he could forgive me because he loves me so much, and I said that was something a guilty person would say. He said he had not seen anyone other than me he was just thinking I would tell him the truth if he asked me that way. I just don't buy the story, sorry. Now that I know about the stalking, and about their relationship that question he asked me comes back into my mind. I have talked with him about it, but I just get the same answer which is no. I'm working on forgiving him for this, but its hard. I love him and I don't want to end my marriage, I feel its something we can work through but I do feel the trust has been broken, and that is a huge deal for me. I can't get this out of my head. I can't see how you can look up someone every single day at breakfast, lunch and dinner for months and months and claim to have no feelings for them. I don't know what to do, its hard to go on and act as if nothing happened. I have went above and beyond for him to show him he can trust me. I have never lied to him about anything and I just can't believe we just got married and this has happened.

Dont dismiss intuition.
If you suspect any infidelity, check phone records and internet activity.

As a general rule, Dr Harley recommends against spending nights apart. A traveling job is an affair waiting to happen.
I lived in motels most of my marriage, I know

I did and its all clean. I check the phone,and web history regularly. We even have a gps tracker on both of our cell phones so we know each others locations. I don't suspect infidelity now that we are married. I do however question the things that I know about now which were before we got married and we haven't been married long. I reactivated his facebook because he had deleted it right before we got married. He was constantly on me about who was on my facebook and who was I talking to and what was I deleting. I had nothing to hide, and when I brought those questions up to him he deleted his facebook. He had cleaned out the messages and things, but there is a way you can view the search history on that particular facebook account and that is what I did. I saw the searches. I don't believe he has been unfaithful while we have been married, but to me it doesn't matter. I was just as committed to him then as I am now. I reactivated the account because every night he would come home and ask me what all I had deleted, and finally I just decided that this entire time I have been honest with him and I trusted him before so I never looked until last week... and BAM. But as far as traveling goes, we travel together now that we are married.

Okay.
Now as a general rule Dr Harley states that there should be no opposite sex friendships and no contact with former lovers.

A great book is His Needs Her Needs by Dr Willard Harley

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