Well believe me, I'm with you on the celibacy.
But so are a lot of men.

I'm not sure if you are driving or taking a train for your long commute. Have you tried to listen to books on CD, learn a language, or write special notes for your daughters? What goals do you have for self-improvement? Do you have anything to look forward to?

I take a train. I have tried reading, but I can't really concentrate. My daughters can't read yet. I have very little free time so I don't have much of an opportunity to devote a lot of time for self-improvement. What time I do have I spend working on the product launch I mentioned a bunch of posts ago. I actually had a meeting yesterday afternoon with an engineer who loves my idea and has offered to be my project manager. He has a lot of manufacturing experience and will be a very good person to help me get this thing off the ground. That is about the only thing I have to look forward to, really. I will probably end up making a LOT of money and be able to get cheap floozies left and right, but that's not really what I want.

BlindSided, just wanted to let you know that I've been following your thread also. I know you are going through a very difficult time and it might seem as if there is no way out, but I also believe life always has its ups and downs and if you wait long enough things will change. Having been through the depths of despair myself earlier this year,I can certainly sympathize with you. The only advice I can offer you is not to give up on your faith, but instead pray to God more than you ever have before. I believe if you are faithful to Him, you will be in His care. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as well.

Blindsided,

Seems you have a couple of things to add to your 'positive' side of the list, which you didn't include: 1) you currently have a well-paying job that could turn permanent, 2) you have two kids, who you seem to love very much, and 3) the prospect of the market launch of your product development. On the other side of the ledger, and as someone put it, you have challenges - and not necessarily unscalable obstacles.

However, you seem easily prone to swoop down on yourself to feel comfortable as a victim. That stance doesn't make you very appealing to anyone you encounter - including your XW and your daughters and those here on MB trying to counsel you. We all face challenges! In my own situation, my wife has been in a nursing home for three years Hard, yea, but you adapt - not what I expected for us in our golden years. It is what is is.

This may hurt, but - I was watching an older "A Christmas Carol" movie the other night, and a line by the narrator sort of reminds me of you - "Old Scrooge lived alone and disliked everyone!" Who could ever like this guy, much less want to reconcile with him? I believe your negative attitude is evident to your XW and your daughters, and compared to her guy, you probably do appear as unappealing - pretty obvious from your comments regarding how your 4-yr old admires him. Pretty obvious that their admiration is tending toward him.

So, maybe just maybe, you will find it within yourself to take some of the suggestions here to begin to think more positively about yourself and others! The recommendation regarding volunteer work is great. I know you will say you do not have the time, are too tired and feeling poorly and all that. However, I have worked in a volunteer situation with an 81-year-old woman who travels 15 miles one-way at 4 am in the morning two days a month to make breakfast for our local PADS clients. Getting to know her I learned she lost her daughter several years ago and recently lost her husband. With all that, she is a warm and inspiring person to be around.

This is meant to help - sometimes caring is tough!

Tom

Count your blessings not your misfortunes.

Great post. If the pattern holds this poster will come back with self-fulfilling defeatest comments. I challenge him to read your comments with an open mind and take your advice. .

I am aware of my defeatist posts, and I think that I do this to vent, and also because I was brought up around defeatist people. My mother sees the worst in everything, never anything positive comes from her. That's why I haven't talked to her in 6 weeks. I think that I come off as way more negative than I feel like I am. I come here when I feel defeated, but I don't feel like that most of the time. Know what I mean? I don't go around complaining about everything all the time, but this forum seems to be a place that I come to express myself and see if there's anyone who relates, because there isn't anyone out here in the real world who gives a damn.

xFIL/MIL are visiting xW this week. Should be interesting. Not sure what will come of it, if anything.

Well hopefully your ex FIL will let OM know what a low life scum he is.

I need this nightmare to stop, one way or the other. I told the cheating xW even before we separated that divorce isn't going to work for me. It still doesn't work for me. I am tired of this long unending nightmare.

You should really focus on finding a way to have no contact with h her.

No contact with her = no contact with my kids. There are no options - I have no family or friends any more.

Then at a minimum eliminate text, phone and email contact with her.
Use an IM for communication and curb side pick up/ drop off

That's basically what I do now, except NO INTERMEDIARY. How many times do I have to say it? THERE IS NO ONE. I HAVE NO ONE TO USE AS AN INTERMEDIARY. NOT ONE PERSON.

Blindsided,

First of all a Merry Christmas to You!

Have a little break now before making dinner for my son and his gf for later this afternoon. I was down some myself yesterday in thinking that my wife is in a nursing home out-of-state, and that the last time we spent Christmas here at home together was for Christmas 2010. So, this is the third Christmas that we are not at home together in 45 years. I know it could certainly get to me if I let it. I did call her last night and we had a wonderful talk, and she's already planning things for us to do when I travel to see her in early Jan.

Have you seen your daughters yesterday or today? Have you done something special for yourself today - watch a good movie, prepare a nice meal, etc.? Do you have a few days of vacation this Christmas season that you can spend with your daughters or go and see a good first-run movie?

Take care of yourself,
Tom

Fed up.

Whats going on?

Nothing is going on. Same as always. It's so nice to go through the entire holiday season without hearing from a single member of my family. Add to that having to leave my kids again and again to not see them for days at a time. I can't keep doing this.

Do you go to a church where members of the congregation can offer support? Can you have visitation drop-offs at the church or pastor's home? Any neighbors that could help? Have you met some new friends recently?

Have you thought about getting help for depression?

Did you hear anything from your FIL after his visit with ex ww?