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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 15
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 15 |
Last week I exposed my wife's affair to all the necessary people. I'm in the process of moving to plan B. She didn't have contact for about a week. The OM's wife just found out last week about the affair. I think its possible that he may have down played the relationship with my wife as just being a friendship. In the last couple of days, she has restarted up the affair and is going to see him daily again. Do you re-expose again to the interested parties?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Last week I exposed my wife's affair to all the necessary people. I'm in the process of moving to plan B. She didn't have contact for about a week. The OM's wife just found out last week about the affair. I think its possible that he may have down played the relationship with my wife as just being a friendship. In the last couple of days, she has restarted up the affair and is going to see him daily again. Do you re-expose again to the interested parties? I would certainly contact the OMW right away. You should keep open communications with her and update each other.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
The OM's wife just found out last week about the affair. I think its possible that he may have down played the relationship with my wife as just being a friendship. In the last couple of days, she has restarted up the affair and is going to see him daily again. Do you re-expose again to the interested parties? If OM was able to downplay the affair, then you did not expose to his wife correctly; by direct contact so that you know you reached her (not by leaving a message or sending an unacknowledged email or letter) and in plain words, giving her some of the evidence that would convince her. For example: "My wife has been having an affair with your husband. I have copies of emails that prove that the affair is physical, and I will send them to you at a secure email address." Or; "I have copies of several text messages from your husband to my wife, talking about the weekend they spent together when you were visiting your mother. I will send these to you." How can physical evidence be downplayed? It can't.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
What did you tell OMW the first time? How did you contact her - by phone call, or email?
How do you know your wife is visiting OM every day? Is she still living apart from you? Do you have a means of spying on her?
Remember that you will not be able to rebuild your marriage while she is an active alcoholic, which she is. She is also a serial cheater who abandoned her child for an affair.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
BMT, I'm not seeing a lot of hope here to save this, or a lot to save. If I'm reading right: lived together before marriage, more than one affair on her part, bipolar, and alcoholic.
I think you have been enabling her for far too long. I think you should go into Plan B to protect yourself from her and detach from her, and also to stop enabling her. That will give her a chance to stand on her own two feet if she wants to. It's the kindest thing you could do for her.
Dr. Harley would recommend you get into Al-Anon, which is for family members of alcoholics. Al-Anon will teach you how you are codependent and how you are enabling her addictions, and how to stop doing so. Al-Anon will help you learn how to survive on your own without her. You need this.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
BMT, I'm not seeing a lot of hope here to save this, or a lot to save. If I'm reading right: lived together before marriage, more than one affair on her part, bipolar, and alcoholic.
I think you have been enabling her for far too long. I think you should go into Plan B to protect yourself from her and detach from her, and also to stop enabling her. That will give her a chance to stand on her own two feet if she wants to. It's the kindest thing you could do for her.
Dr. Harley would recommend you get into Al-Anon, which is for family members of alcoholics. Al-Anon will teach you how you are codependent and how you are enabling her addictions, and how to stop doing so. Al-Anon will help you learn how to survive on your own without her. You need this. BMT I'm am pro M and doing everything possible to fight/save M, but I'm sorry I agree with Markos your chances of saving your M are very slim and I do not see very much hope. Being an alocholic will impede any chance of recovery, being a serial cheater also adds to the problem. I agree I think Plan B is the best option to protect you and enable you to heal.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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