I am 34, husband 33, eldest son 17, 2nd son 15, daughter 13. In my teenage, I was a wild girl and got pregnant with our 1st son at a party after an ONS with my to be husband. He manned up, married me and started working to provide for us. He always wanted to attend college but couldn't coz of the circumstances. I also started working, had our 2nd child, then our 3rd. Things were going good.

About 5 years ago I fell in love with a co-worker and started an affair(EA/PA). My husband found out and was furious. The OM had to flee the state as we thought my husband might kill him. Still we reconciled and started working on our marriage. I thought I had found my true love and resented my husband for chasing him away. A year later the OM came back and we began our affair again. I thought I hid it well this time and he won't know. On our anniversary, he told everyone that I was having an affair, made the OMW confront me, told the children their mom and dad aren't husband-wife anymore. My children were really mad at me for this but he told them whatever happens I am still their mom and children don't disrespect their mom. We couldn't divorce as most of our money was going into savings for the children's college.

The OMW filed for divorce and I moved in with him. 6 months later the OM dumped me. I was devastated. I went begging to my husband for reconciliation. He just smiled and told me that I could have everything other than him. Still he allowed me to stay as I had nowhere to go. He gave me the bedroom and moved in to the guestroom. I found he had sold his ring and removed every picture I had with him. I begged and begged to take me back, to give the marriage another chance. He just smiled and said I have moved on. The worst part was he had started dating the OMW. In my absence my children had started calling the OMW mom.

I tried everything to get him back, I worked out to lose weight, started dressing sexy and when nothing worked started dating again just to make him interested in me again. I cried my heart out, asked the children for help. He ignored me like you ignore a roomie. Then 4 months ago I heard their mom(OMW) is 3 months pregnant. I confronted him, yelled at him, even hit him. He just stood there and took it. Then he said your husband is dead. Let him rest in peace now.

He might file for a divorce after eldest goes into college and marry OMW. I have been a good mother to children for the last 2 1/2 years, tried but never allowed to be a wife again and might finally lose him. Can something be done?

Where is OMW living? They are divorced, but you and your H aren't? Is that correct?

Have you been STD/I tested?

I think you need to move out and file for divorce. This has to be incredibly confusing for all the kids.

I would suggest moving out and filing for divorce. It sounds very much like your husband has moved on and that is his right. He just didn't handle it right. He should not have let you come back and should have just divorced you if that was his goal. It almost sounds like he let you come back to be a babysitter, which was a bad decision on his part.

File for divorce and clean up your act. Your family is not interested in being abandoned as three time losers. There is only so much you can abuse your family before they abandon you, to protect themselves. It will take years, if not decades, if EVER, to heal from your behaviour.

My husband has not even touched me in the last 2.5 years. As far as I know, he has been faithful to OMW. Last 2.5 years I have not slept with anyone. My children has forgiven me, as his and my family. Only he has never forgiven me. I made mistakes, put my family through hell hurt the one person willing to do anything for me. I just want 1 chance to make it upto him.

I'll let him file for divorce.

I would just leave the man alone. You are not owed forgiveness by anyone. That is not an entitlement. Every betrayed spouse is fully entitled to divorce a spouse who committed adultery.

We had financial obligations and running two households was an very daunting task. Also 2nd son was distraught and having panic attacks about not seeing both of us again together. Hence we had to postpone divorce. Also I had my own selfish reason of trying to win him back.

Yes, kids are very affected by adultery. But don't blame that on your husband. You did this to your family.

I don't blame him. I created my own hell. And honestly I still don't understand why I did it, why I abandoned my family for nothing.

Where does OMW live?

About 5 km away. My children also visit her. Sometimes my husband stays back with her.

Your husband has been using you for the last 2.5 years while he enjoys his own little revenge affair right in front of you.
You do not deserve to be treated like this. No one deserves that.
But there is little you can do to win him back -- wives have little success in pursuing and winning back their husbands. He has to decide for himself that he wants the marriage.

Expose his revenge affair to your friends and family. Then move out and go to Plan B.

Both my family and his family already know about the affair. Even they visit the OMW time to time. He asked them himself if they had any objection to this relationship. Even my family eventually relented. Truth be told, no one in the family , even my children consider us husband and wife anymore.

When you left and moved in with OM for 6 months, did you see your kids at all? Is that when they started calling OMW, mom?

Read through Dr. Harley's material about the love bank and how affairs start and it will become clearer to you.

Your next step is to move out and go to Plan B. Do not let him use you anymore. Do not continue to let him flaunt his affair in front of you.

When I left to be with the OM for 6 months I visited them in my house. They didn't talk, they just clammed up. A month later all my 3 children were not in the house anymore. I couldn't bring myself to talk to husband. My sister asked me to leave my kids alone for sometime while they come to terms with the situation. Later on I came to know they were staying with OMW.

Here's some helpful material you should view:

Infidelity: What Every Couple Should Know (video)

How to Survive an Affair (chapter 13 of His Needs, Her Needs - explains how affairs start)

Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts (the Love Bank model Dr. Harley describes explains why people fall in love - including affairs)

How do Affairs Begin?

Anatomy of adultery - how affairs start

Definitely get the book Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley and read through it.

Thank you for the content. I'll start right away.

What is horrible is the example that has been shown to your kids. They have been taught that adultery is an acceptable lifestyle alternative by both of you.

And I agree with Prisca that you should move out. Your husband has been using you as a live-in babysitter while he flaunts his affair. Get out of there and file for divorce. While he is entitled to a divorce, he is not entitled to rub an affair in your face and you shouldn't live like this.