Yup. I ended something with someone I had been on four dates with tonight and I find myself inexplicably sad about it. Definitely feeling neurotic. Lol...

I'm sorry TC. It's really hard, regardless of who ends it.

For me, it's the longing for connection that makes it so painful. Every ending reminds me that I'm alone, that I have to start all over. And those little moments you shared with someone have fallen to the ground and will not be recovered. Sad.

So, I ran the numbers and I'm up to 29 men dated since April.

I've averaged about 1 in 6 that I felt enough of a connection to go on a 2nd date. I've fallen in love once.

Seriously, I hope I don't have to run through another 29 dudes before I meet one that I could fall for! This dating stuff is hard work

But, I got back on Match last night and have 2 fairly interesting prospects at this point. We shall see what the next round brings. And if "Ted" decides to re-enter my life, well I'll be ok with that too.

Tc, Z, that does sound like so much work! But better than the alternative, settling for whoever you can justify as good enough.

Yes, I agree with you completely. I have to remind myself that I should be enjoying the process as much as the eventual result (hopefully) of being in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with someone. The memories and those little moments do not disappear just because that person isn't right. At least that's what I try to convince myself of.

I hope you don't have to go through another 29 guys as well. It's tiring, expensive, emotionally draining, stressful and... tiring!

Now that's an interesting perspective! I'll try to keep it in mind.

For some reason, I feel as if I give little pieces of myself away and I need to figure out how to stop doing that. There must be a line between being 'authentic' and showing too much. I just don't know where it is.

Side note: I've been hanging out with several foreign friends lately. They seem to teach their men the art of conversation and affection very well. It's unbelievable how many women fall in love with my them: they are funny, romantic, affectionate, attentive and great conversationalists!

It's kind of fun to watch. And magical to see the effects.

On the flip side, if I have to hear about some American man's sports interests again, I think I'll scream.

Ok, time to get back on the dating bandwagon. I reactivated my account and updated my profile. Here is what I wrote:


Can some of you fine MB women help a brother out and give me some feedback? What do you like, what do you think needs improvement?

Thanks,
ak

So you are looking for someone to meet your RC need.

What do you have to offer her? Any typical female needs that you like to meet?

Conservation, affection, family, honesty. Any thoughts on how I can work that in?

Wish I could help you there, but I am married and have zero experience with online dating. I just noticed that your post talked about your Taker, but not so much your Giver.

Not sure if it's even good to talk about your Giver in an online posting. All the single ladies can weigh in, I'm sure. Best wishes!

Hi, ak, I think what you have written is just fine.

IMO, people put too much focus on what is written in the profile vs the pictures. Shallow, I know, but it's true.

My gf and I who have both done online dating have jokingly said we could make real $$ helping people put better pictures up. So many don't seem to put enough thought or energy into this and that's what will make the biggest difference....

On second thought, I would lose the whole first paragraph with the Oxford comma comment. Just my 2 cents.

Lol, funny, see I loved the oxford comma - but I am geeky like that.

I'm more worried about the people that will be turned off by the use of Oxford comma and think it's pretentious or "geeky". My philosophy is you want more options vs less in terms of people who like (they don't have to love it!) your profile and then you do the weeding from there. Just my 2cents!

The oxford comma thing was actually listed in an article I read recently as a dating no-no. Very few care about your grammatical foibles and would like more content about you. Are you using a site that gives you lots of space beyond that block of text to expand on what you do, are into, etc?

If not... there's not enough about you there. Don't accentuate the height thing. Girls will look at your height in the stats and make their judgement. Are you romantic, spontaneous, adventurous, loyal, compassionate, etc? Work some of the words that fit into your description.

Expand on the pilot thing. That's something huge that you offer that many others probably do not. Talk about some of the places you've been when flying. Talk about past vacations, the coolest place you've been to. Talk about why church is important to you. Talk about what you're looking for in a date/significant other but make it positive. Have you read people who say stuff like, "I don't date liars, cheats or people who use an oxford comma. How lame... And I don't put out on a first date so search for your ho elsewhere!" Super turn-off right? Stay positive like, "I'm looking for a smart, sexy, religious adventure seeker who wants to stand at the top of a mountain with me looking out on God's creation. My ideal partner is kind, considerate, trustworthy and is looking for the same in a man. Does this description match you?" Or something along that line.

You got this!

I loved the reference to the Oxford comma. I actually didn't get the reference in spite of an English degree and being a journalist in the UK. Never heard of it! I just Googled it and found it intelligent and also reassuring as bad punctuation is irritating.

Intelligence is one of Dr H's five tests of compatability, so put it out there I say. Plus the eggs and OJ joke is funny.

I also think the emphasis on you, rather than on what needs you can meet, is fine. Be a freeloader looking for your 'likers and lovers' at least until the second date.

Agree



Definitely

What an interesting split on the oxford comma. I was going for geeky a bit, but also disarming with the joke at the end. The point was to point out my dry and witty humor without coming right out with it, which isn't consistent with my dry witty humor.

I will expand on the pilot thing and remove the height deal. I'll post more as I progress.

How about this: