This makes alot of sense. Tonights sex was a failure. I only tried just to feel connected again. She was for a while, but then she disconnected. At the end, we both laughed it off, agreed that it wasnt the time, and talked and talked and talked. It was still the connection i was looking for.

She is VERY attracted to me. She tells me all the time. But she says she still thinks of him. My wife and I are both 27yrs old and both are fairly attractive people. I dont know how old the OM is, but he resembles ME A LOT!

I am more than willing to expose the affair to the wife. I have her phone number, address and work schedule.

Should I wait to see if theres contact again? I did get a verbal agreement from OM on saturday. I went to her work place and confronted him. He told me that after Sunday (her last day) There is nothing else. But when she talks to me about him and all the text messages ive read, he is much more emotionally involved than what hes telling me. Hes told her things like 1 day they will be together, he wants to grow old with her, he wishes they met before his situation, hold on it will be worth it. Very emotional things.

So should i wait for her to break her promise?
After all there is no affair right now? She no longer works there. Please excuse me if i sound so hopeful. I just really dont know what to do.....

jjs424,

Ask your WW to take a polygraph, lie detector test, 95% certainty says it was a physical affair.

I can't tell you how many spouses on here refuse to believe at first that their spouse could do something like that.

It often progresses from, no contact, to well we hugged, we kissed, to full sex, taking weeks, months or years for the full truth to come out.

God Bless
Gamma

i know it sounds crazy. But believe me, I have had a month of hell back tracking every conversation they had. I got a hold of every single text message she deleted. Every Single one. She did tell me that they were about to have sex and they didnt, he performed oral sex on her. This was when i first found out, i was upset and decided to give her space. It did not go well. She has been very honest with me. Very cold and honest. She said they didnt find a hotel room, but if they wouldve she was ready to give it up. but it didnt happen. I believe her. I know its crazy. But i do. I know when she lies. and she hates it. When some one is a part of you, you can feel their emotions. She knows this. She even told me that she thinks about what sex would be like with him. Thats why i keep having so much sex with her. to keep her from wondering. After sex she always tells me how much we connected. And she loves it.

I dont know what to do.....

Is she going through withdraw?
what stage is this?

No, you should expose the affair tomorrow. Don't forewarn your wife. Just call or go see the OMW and tell her all about the affair. Give her your wife's full name and phone # and tell her all the details.

This was a sexual affair and she did have sex with him. Of course she doesn't "think about what sex would be like" because she knows. She had sex with him.

Oral sex is sex, but she probably lied about having intercourse. Not that it matters. This was a sexual affair.

Listen, Sir.
Dr Harley is a national expert on marriage and affairs.
He Always encourages exposure.
So please expose this affair tomorrow and DO NOT forewarn your wife.

I will expose the affair. I just spoke to her about the affair and its still up in the air. She doesnt know. She doesnt want me to give up on her but she doesnt want to hurt me. She wants me to let her go, and if she doesnt come back it wasnt meant to be. IF she comes back then all is good. I am not that dumb. She wants me to let her go, have sex, party and live it up until it dies out. While i sit at home going crazy. Its not happening. I see now she does not care to really give this up. She talks to me with a smirk on her face like if this excites her. Everytime i threatend to expose the affair and go to her job, or go to his house she got really defensive about his family, and his job and his child. NOT ONCE, did she mention us. Our family, our kids. I quit my job when i found out! just to have the time to re connect with her and stop the affair. I have NO money, NO job and a whole lot of bills. I live in new york city paying $1350 rent and im backed up 1 month already. Im affraid if this doesnt get solved quick i will lose my mind and end up losing more than my wife.

I will expose the affiar. I will need some time to get access to all the text messages again and print them so i can show the wife.

Any other suggestion would be great,

Thanks!

jj, please don't forewarn her. Just go expose the affair. I would also expose the affair at the workplace. Go read the exposure thread in my signature for ideas and templates.

Tell everyone, including her parents all about the affair.

I hope you are right. My wife told me that if he leaves his wife she WILL leave me. With out a question. She told me that i should thank him, because the only reason she is still next to me is because he wont leave his wife. But then she recently said that if she tells him to leave his wife that he will. Then today she says, she just wants to text him to remind him of her so maybe he will think about leaving his wife. This is so hard for me because i believe this is ALL TRUE!

I dont know. I do believe that if she does end up leaving me, she will at some point miss me. But i just cant rely on that. Its not enough for me to say, " I got this". Cuz i dont know if i do. The only thing im confident of is my sex. Thats all i feel i have. This sucks.

Thanks for your input everyone.

Your wife is a talking a like a kook and makes no sense at all. The truth is that if you expose to the OM's wife, the OM will dump her because the OMW will be watching for her. The OMW will run her off.

You need to stop listening to her crazy kook talk and expose the affair. Follow a rational plan instead of listening to her fogbabble.

She doesnt work there anymore. But he does. Only on weekends. I have a plan.

I plan to call the wife. At first she probably wont believe me. But hopefully she will meet with me in a public place so i can show her text messages. Then i would ask her to please make it work with her husband because i want to make it work with my wife. Should she tell him right away she knows? or should she hide it and try to catch him in the act? or should she show up at his workplace ? IDK.... this is going to be tuff.

I also know that this will result in a physical fight with OM. Its been something ive been wanting and tried to provoke him but he wouldnt budge. Now i dont want to fight him because i feel my wife would resent me when i whoop his [censored].

This is tuff.......

Thanks again

Your role is to expose the affair.
You can't ask his wife to "please work it out with her husband"
Good grief man!
She is married to a sleazeball that just performed oral sex on your wife!

You have no right to ask her to "work it out!"

Just exposure it and follow Dr Harleys advice!

In that case, I would go there and tell the owner about the affair.



She should confront him immediately. And please don't tell her to try and make it work. That is every betrayed spouses personal decision. She should not "catch him in the act," she should stop him from having any contact with your wife.


Don't have a fight with the OM..

This is very simple to expose:

Hello, my name is XYZ and my wife worls with your husband.
They have been having an affair and she recently confessed that your husband performed oral sex on her.

Thats all you need to tell her
if possible, please also say: I have found some help on MarriageBuilders.com and you can fond help there too

In a just world you would be able to challenge OM to a gunfight and treat him the same way Burr did Hamilton....

But unfortunately you can't shoot the worthless SOB

So your best course of action is to follow Dr Harleys guidelines

Ive been thinking about something else. Could it be possible that he is just as emotionally invested as she is? He was given her money. $100 for christmas, $100 on the last day she worked as a farewell gift, $20 here and there for her lunch. It seems like he really likes her too. This is my BIGGEST FEAR! But then i put myself in his shoes. No matter how bad things are with my wife, would i leave my family? I would not leave a relationship i invested 9 years into. But then i think, why would she leave it all? whats so different about us?

He likes getting some unpaid, free and easy nook, but he is not going to give up his wife for that. Or he would have done that.

Sir, Teddy Roosevelt didnt sit on his horse for hours pondering if he should charge up the hill.
He charged! And as a result of his bravery, the Rough Riders are known more than 100 years later......And thats what you need to do!

You need to view this as a battle.
You're stepping into the Ring like Rocky and theres no time for contemplation.
You need to throw punches and the first one is Exposure ASAP

Stay focused

I'm back. Thank you all for the advice.

My wife didn't go to work today because she was feeling down. I know it's because of the withdraw. She's been sad all day an sleeping. We just spoke about 5 mins ago and I was telling her I here for her. She kept pushing me away. I told her it's ok to talk and to not worry about my feelings. So she said, " I love him". I wasn't ready for that. So I asked did he say he loves you too? And she said yes, 2 weeks ago. I'm starting to believe that I have truly lost her to love. Is it possible that they are both in love? I haven't revealed the affair to the other wife because I've been home all day. Is it even with doing so tomorrow? I feel like I lost this battle. She said the only reason she wants to try is because she feels bad for me and the kids. Could this man really be in love with my wife? They've only been dating for 2 months. My wife and I fell in love quickly as well. I don't know what to do. I am crushed. Could this be real?