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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 8 |
Its been 3 weeks since Dday, and ws has a work outing that he goes to every year. He is expecting to go, since he already promised, blah blah. I obviously am not ready for him to go out partying with his work friends. Me joining him is out of the question since it's coworkers only. He offered to call/write/take pictures whatever as proof of where he is going. And I just don't want him to. I must admit party because he always does what he wants, and now I just want him to do what I want. So should I make him stay, although he is not going to be happy at all with this. He will probably give me hard time too and I'm sure a fight will be involved. So how to convince him to want to stay?
Last edited by iwillsurvivethis; 01/13/14 06:44 PM.
DDay Dec 21 2013
2 kids
married 16 years
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Its been 3 weeks since Dday, and ws has a work outing that he goes to every year. He is expecting to go, since he already promised, blah blah. I obviously am not ready for him to go out partying with his work friends. Me joining him is out of the question since it's coworkers only. He offered to call/write/take pictures whatever as proof of where he is going. And I just don't want him to. I must admit party because he always does what he wants, and now I just want him to do what I want. So should I make him stay, although he is not going to be happy at all with this. He will probably give me hard time too and I'm sure a fight will be involved. So how to convince him to want to stay? Tell him that will not work for you. And you should also DEMAND the name of the OW and all the details of his affair. The problem here is YOU, iwillsurvive. You will not hold your husband accountable. You don't demand the truth about his affair, you demand nothing. So recovery is impossible. You simply don't have the luxury to be timid and meek when it comes to recovery after an affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
If he won't give you the full name of the OW, all the details and stop going out with coworkers, you should separate from him because this is hopeless.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296 |
If he won't give you the full name of the OW, all the details and stop going out with coworkers, you should separate from him because this is hopeless. This is absolutely correct. The POJA (Policy of Joint Agreement) states never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. This is part of the MB program and it should be implemented in your relationship, no exceptions. If the outing is so important to him and you don't mind him out with you then that should be the course of action (what other coworkers do is not your/your spouses business and what you two do and agree to in your marriage is none of theirs). His coworkers may be out every year together but if your marriage is more important that he should have no issue making the change this year based on his irresponsible actions that put your marriage in this state. Simple as that, the MB program should be implemented in your marriage and if he refuses then you should protect yourself and leave the marriage because it will not be fulfilling for you in its current state and you will just make yourself miserable.
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