I have an appt to visit a townhouse while I am down there 1/28! Progress is being made

Way to go, RQ Lady!

Thanks! After that, I'll have to tell my job "I'm outa here". That has me scared poop-less. No going back

I remember taking that step a few years ago when we moved from my home area to Prisca's. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff! I had a 9 year history at that job at that point, and had planned on being there the rest of my career.

I am very excited for you, RQ. You are so brave! (Bravery is being scared and doing it anyway....)

I am thinking of Melody's assertion that she felt so much better after she moved, even though the A didn't take place in that house, or anywhere near it. But it still held the sadness of that time.

Another great thing about moving is that you and kiss will be able to choose what exactly you want to have in your new lives. It is a great time to practice POJA, and really examine what interests you, and what you might be holding onto just because you've always done it that way...

Yes!I am hoping that this will be a "start over" for us. But I am worried that we will have the same problems down there as up here. Lack of UA, Kiss disappointed in SF, financial stress. Then what?

It CAN and MUST be a "start over." Because without that, what is the point?

Have you shared your concerns with Kiss? If it were me, I would be having discussions now as to what our ideal life would be like. Starting with scheduling UA time, then family time, and using that as a framework for how work will fit, and then what kind of work will best fit.

Does Kiss understand that with 4X per week UA dates, he gets 4X per week SF?

He doesn't understand why I don't want to be intimate with him. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't have a physical desire to be. I am willing to meet that need for him and we usually have SF 1x or 2x a week even without the UA dates. But he is upset that I don't have any desire. It's frustrating. For both of us. I just don't know what else I can do than be a willing participant.

Your absolutely right.

I am certain that I don't want my life to be the same

RQ, good for you!

Put these problems on the front burner and keep complaining. That's what Dr Harley says. If kiss won't make any changes toward better meeting your ENs and also will not do the online program with you, I would prepare for separation.

To us, it was like taking a blind step. You hope your foot will land on something solid, but it seems like you just might fall.

One year ago, we had just moved here, I had left my job, and the other house had not sold, yet. We were spending money at twice the rate we were bringing it in. But I can tell you now, moving was the best thing we did for our recovery. It just wasn't very comfortable for a while.

Understood. Taffy and I are in the same boat...

Wouldn't this improve if Kiss was meeting the 4 EN's during UA time each week? If his LB$ account with you was so full that it was overflowing, this would spill over into both of you meeting the other EN's (like SF), right?

That is what I'm counting on, Blair!

With the resources at Kiss' fingertips and your openness and honesty with him, he doesn't understand why you don't desire to be physically intimate with him? If he wants you to desire sex with him, to be a great lover to him, he needs first to be a great lover to you. Dr. Harley's article "Question of the Ages..." addresses what it takes for a man to be a great lover: time and care, not neglect and a lazy approach to meeting your needs. If he takes the TIME to show you EXTRAORDINARY CARE, you will most likely find you have the libido. He can't sit there and be petulant about your libido and take shortcuts with caring for you and hope that it will someday spark your desire.

Your lack of desire for sex isn't your "flaw" to fix, it is his job to engender that desire in you, to turn it into making love, the consummation of the extraordinary care that defines your marriage.

Does anyone have thoughts about me waiting until the end of the school year to move?

I have had some well-meaning people advise me to wait. I don't think that the transition for the kids academically will be difficult. But we are moving from an area where the end of the school year is the end of June to a place where the end of the school year is the beginning of June. So about a 3 week difference.

Anyone dealt with this before? Were there any issues?

I really don't want to wait but would it be in my kids' best ineterests to do so? They are in elementary school.

Thanks

As a military family, we have moved at all times of the year. None of our kids had a negative effect. When they were older, it was an advantage, because they were able to meet other kids earlier.

AM

I doubt that would be a problem for the kids at all. Generally speaking at the elementary level there aren't a whole lot of hard and fast universal rules as to what is in each year of elementary education in different areas.

As a homeschooler I see a similar concern frequently when parents are choosing to move their children back in or out of school - they worry that something will have been "missed." At the elementary level, it usually does not matter.

The schools have had systems in place to accommodate children moving in from different areas at different times for decades. Tests, etc., if necessary, although usually not. Typically they just drop a kid into the right class and the kid starts working on whatever the class is doing. I toured a private school for a day when I was little and that's what they had me do - I even learned a bit of German that day even though I'd never studied a foreign language in my life.

Do what works for you and the kids. Academically, the kids will adjust to different curriculum and different classrooms. Kids are quite resilient.

Most schools have the ability to place a student in various levels of classes based on their testing. Then, the school staff will help the student(s) catch up if it is necessary.

And, if you will be less stressed moving somewhere else, I say to go for it - and the sooner the better. Your reduced stress will help your children to adjust to a move much more quickly.

Thanks everyone for your input! I will be move forward as planned.

I had figures the kids would adjust but wanted some feedback on it.