What has he sent? Why did he send so many? If there is still contact, then he hasn't done EVERYTHING to keep contact from happening. Change cell phone #, e-mail, etc.

Are you mailing/sending his 3rd NC letter? (After all the FR's, I wouldn't trust him to mail it out on his own.) Is this one of the EP's?

He sent a letter when I first found out this time last year. Before I knew about marriage builders. The no contact letter was listed in many sites. He still maintained contact with her. He sent a second no contact letter in June. We had just started counseling with Steve. Obviously contact did not end then either. I then entered plan b this past July.

I mailed the other two letters. He basically wrote them to appease me. Or maybe he thought he would nt talk to her but then failed within a few weeks. I don't know.

I agree that he needs to change contact info, and he will have to if
We are to recover. But in reality if she wanted to get in touch with him I imagine she could. Same goes for him. He owns his own business so the company info is publicly available.

So he must change all conditions that allowed/helped facilitate his affair.

If his business was an avenue for his affair then he must get a new job.

What conditions allowed his affair?

Poor boundaries on both our parts and a friend of the opposite sex allowed the affair to happen/develop.

Once I found out they kept it secret with affair phones and secret email accounts. His time away from home at his shop did not help. He had to spend many nights away on jobs. Nights away will not be acceptable and i am not sure how he is going to deal with that. She lives about 2 hours away and last i know she did not have a job. I wouldnt say his business facilitated his affair anymore than a new job would. Plus I am not sure how easy and or quick it would be for him to sell his business.

I had my appointment with Steve mid last week. He suggested light conversation with my WH. To tell WH to set up an appointment with either Steve or someone else if WH found another counselor my WH wanted to see. My WH has not set up an appointment with anyone. I have told him I will not see him until we start counseling. He says he isn't ready to have these heavy conversations yet and he wants to take it slow with us just dating. I have explained to him why I am being guarded. I need more actions than just his word.

So at this point I am fairly confident that I need to go back into plan b. Until he is willing to put in effort. I believe he really thinks all this is gonna take is him falling back in love with me. He is completely ignoring the fact that I am injured and we can't even hardly address our EN until he puts some EPs in place. I am trying not to counsel him as Steve recommended against this. Anyway, I need advice. Do I write a Plan b letter that doesn't talk about ending his affair, but rather agreeing to MB? Or should I just be cold? I'm not yet seeing this as a FR since we never started recovery. It's just a huge break in plan b, I guess. Any advice appreciated. Thanks.

I've been in Plan C for the past week. I still did not see WH but we chit-chatted in texts and phone calls. He says he is not yet ready to do counseling with Steve or anyone else. He says he just wants to take it slow. He says he bought SAA, but it hasnt arrived. I know I can't coach him through this.

I just sent another Plan B letter. It explains that he has to be willing to talk to Steve or another counselor who has a plan for our recovery. I talked to my IM and they are accepting my decision and will continue to be my IM.

This stinks. One step forward, two steps back. I know I dont want a halfway marriage. I want a full amazing mutually great marriage. I will not settle for less.

Good, now change your cell number so he can't reach you. Waywards love to test your walls and see if they can suck you back in.

Stay in plan B until your I'M says that your WH completed your requirements.

I will stay in plan B until Steve or another coach tells me otherwise. I mistakenly thought because he ended his affair and called saying he was willing to do what it took that he really was. He obviously was not willing to do what it takes. Perhaps he is just dealing with withdrawal feelings and still thinking foggy. I doesn't really matter. I won't settle for less. Hopefully this is a short Plan B. But if its not, I am okay with that too.

I understand. I did the same damn thing. I'm still waiting for him to do what it takes on a consistent basis.

Have you changed all your contact information?

Do you have a good IM?

Thank you guys for your support. ROcketqueen I may need to read through your thread again. You guys are in recovery now, no?

I have a decent enough IM. He was a friend of my WH. I don't think they have personal conversations anymore. Strictly business. I've only ever had one or two messages passed that could have been slightly filtered. I could be wrong and maybe he re-writes/filters the messages all the time, but I think more likely my WH doesn't send anything that needs filtering. He strangely follows all my Plan B requirements without question.

I have not changed my contact info. I know you guys disagree with this decision. I changed all of my info the first time, but he didn't attempt contact then anyway. Again, he strangely follows my Plan B requests. If this becomes an issue I will change my number again. For the record, I would always recommend a new Plan B-er to change contact info. This time around it feels a little different. I am not as anxious about not hearing/speaking to him.

Also just a note, my state requires me to give him my cell phone number because of the kids. I didn't give him this info initially and was pushed by the courts. I gave him a gtalk number (second cell number that rings to my same phone).

Also I spoke with my supportive in laws to make sure they understood why I was going back in to plan B. They want us to work out so bad and I wanted them to understand why I was making the choice.